


Learning To Step Into The Sun

by samanthaweis221b



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bullying, Connor deserves to live, Everyone needs to heal, Heidi is trying, Jared isn't such a jerk, Multi, Self Acceptance, evan needs a friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2018-12-22 18:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11973321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samanthaweis221b/pseuds/samanthaweis221b
Summary: “Connor...attempted to take his own life. He’s in the hospital right now in a medically induced coma.”The moment those words were uttered, Evan Hansen’s heart almost stopped.Your standard Connor survives AU. What if Evan told the truth? What happens when Connor wakes up? Will Evan still end up making a difference in the Murphy family and his school? Will all of his problems be solved, or will it lead to different ones?This is my first fic I've ever had the guts to publish online, which is super nerve-wrecking, and I hope you enjoy it! Stay safe and happy, friends!





	1. His Best And Most Dearest Friend?

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever fic! I hope you enjoy it! I really try to edit all of my stuff, but I'd love to hear comments and suggestions from people, so feel free to leave your thoughts and let me know if it's worth continuing! Thanks! 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

“Connor...attempted to take his own life. He’s in the hospital right now in a medically induced coma.” 

The moment those words were uttered, Evan Hansen’s heart almost stopped. It took a moment for them to really sink in before any words came. 

“He what?” he managed, his voice only a whisper, as he continued to cower in his seat. 

His heart sank when Mrs. Murphy began to cry quietly. 

“This is all we found with him. He had it folded up in his pocket.” Mr. Murphy told him gravely. “You can see that he’s...he wanted to explain, why he was…” Unable to continue, Connor’s father began to recite the letter, and with growing horror Evan realized what exactly the Murphy’s were thinking. 

“I wish that everything was different. I wish that I were part of something. I was that what I said mattered to anyone.” 

But Mrs. Murphy could hear no more. “Please stop it, Larry.” she begged. 

Evan tried to ignore the irregular beating of his heart and the feeling of his palms starting to sweat. He attempted to speak through the lump in his throat. “But, that’s, this isn’t...I’m sorry. Connor, um, Connor didn’t write this.” 

'But what if it led him to-' he couldn’t even finish the thought. 

“What does that mean?” Cynthia cried in confusion. 

“Connor didn’t, he didn’t write this.” Evan could say nothing else, desperate to get that point across, as his mind started swimming with horrible ideas. 

“What does he mean?” Connor’s mother asked her husband, distressed. 

“He’s obviously in shock.” Larry Murphy assured her. 

“No, I just, he didn’t…” Evan felt frustration bubble up inside him as his desperation to make them understand grew as well. 

“It’s right here!” Mrs. Murphy insisted, pointing at the letter. 

But now Evan could barely hear her past the pounding in his heart. 

“I’m sorry, but I should probably just, can I please go now?” he stood up, reaching for his bag quickly, his stomach rolling. 

“If this isn’t, if Connor didn’t write this-” Connor’s mother stood with Evan, going closer to him, gazing at him imploringly. 

“Cynthia. Please calm down.” her husband attempted to gently push her back from Evan. 

“I should go now.” Evan shook his head, shaking the overwhelming instinct to run out of the room. 

Mrs. Murphy continued to beg him for answers as her husband tried to calm her down, but Evan barely heard her. 

“I really should go.” Evan continued, almost to himself. 

“This is all we have!” Cynthia finally cried, her voice raw with emotion. “This is the only thing we have left!” 

“Honey. Listen to me. Please.” 

But she finally broke down, turning away from both of the other people in the room, her shoulders shaking with sobs. 

“Cynthia.” 

Evan was suddenly desperate to get the letter out of his hands. “You should just, you should take it, please!” he said urgently, reaching past Mr. Murphy and holding it out to grieving mother. 

She tearfully turned to him, taking it with trembling hands. Suddenly she let out a gasp. 

“Larry. Look.” she pointed to his arm. “His cast.” 

Evan’s own eyes looked down, and his heart sank. He lifted up his arm as he realized what she saw. 

“His best and most dearest friend.” she breathed, looking at her husband in astonishment. 

Suddenly it was hard for Evan to breathe. 

“No, you- you don’t under-understand. He didn’t- that wasn’t-” his breathing was labored. 

“See, look, he’s just in shock-” 

“I’m not in shock! He-he didn’t write it! I wrote it!” Evan finally blurted. 

“What do you mean by that, Evan?” Larry asked calmly. 

Evan flinched, and both parents fell silent, awaiting an explanation. 

“It was- it was just a misunderstanding.” Evan began, his voice hardly more than a whisper. His vision swam and he became dizzy from hyperventilating. 

“Evan?” Cynthia’s voice was gentle, and she cautiously lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Would you rather have dinner with us tonight and explain everything then?” 

“I’d rather hear an explanation now.” Larry Murphy crossed his arms. 

“I think all of this has come as a shock, dear, clearly. And I don’t think it’s fair to put the poor kid through an interrogation right now; he’s clearly a nervous wreck!” 

“But-”

“Would you rather do that, Evan?” she asked kindly, her eyes still swimming with emotion. 

Looking at her tear-stained face and sad but imploring eyes, Evan didn’t have the heart to tell her no. To tell her that he was always a nervous wreck, so it wouldn’t be easy, no matter when they did it. And he would do anything to get out of the room at that moment.  
Before he could even fully comprehend what he was doing, he found himself nodding.


	2. The Day That Wasn't So Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan goes to Jared for advice, and then has dinner at the Murphy's where he attempts to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! Please feel free to give any input you have or tell me what you think in the comments! I'd love to hear from you guys! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)

“Holy. Shit.” Jared Kleinman’s loud voice sounded over the phone. 

“I didn’t say anything. I just, I couldn’t say anything.”

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” 

“They invited me for dinner!” 

“What are you going to tell them?” 

“I- I already told them I wrote the letter!” 

“Well, then, you’re an idiot. You should’ve just just done what I do: confirm and nod. It’s foolproof. Literally, nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea.”

“They were so sad. His parents? His mom was just...I’ve never seen anyone so sad before. I couldn’t lie to them.” Evan said softly. 

“Well, then good thing you’re about to tell her the truth about your sex letter. I’m sure that will cheer her right up.” Jared said flatly, making Evan flinch. 

“But w-what if he comes out of his coma?” Evan pointed out. “Wouldn’t that be pretty aw-awkward if he woke up with his parents thinking we’re best friends?” 

There was a moment of silence as Jared thought about that, and he knew Evan had a point. 

“Fine. You’ve got me there.” he conceded, grumbling. 

“So w-what do I do?” Evan asked again. 

“How the fuck should I know, man! I didn’t get you into this mess! You and your weird sex letters did.” 

Cringing, Evan hung up the phone. He’d promised the Murphy’s he’d come over after school, and he’d called Jared as he walked there. He walked the last block in silence, lost in thought, kicking at the rocks as he shuffled as slowly as he could, prolonging the inevitable. Finally, he stopped in front of the Murphy’s big house. Evan took a moment to notice that their giant house was practically a mansion, especially compared to the apartment he lived in. 

He slowly made his way to the front door, and with every step he took he could feel his heart rate increase. 

He raised his hand to knock, hating it more than anything: what if they didn’t hear him and he had to keep knocking? Or even worse, he had to ring the bell?  
Evan’s worst nightmare was having to make noise to indicate his presence; it felt like a very rude and needy way to get someone’s attention. The worst was ringing a bell for an attendant who was in the back, like at a hotel or post office. 

However, he was saved right on time, as the door flew open before he could even knock. 

“Evan!” Cynthia greeted. “Come on in!” 

Evan followed her into a lavishly furnished living room. 

“Please, take a seat. Make yourself at home.” 

Evan obliged, shrinking away from them like he had in the principal’s office as he sat in the chair across from the couch Mr. Murphy now sat on. 

“Would you like anything to drink?” she asked. 

“Oh, no-no it’s okay. But thank you.” 

There was a moment of silence before she finally spoke again. 

“Zoe had to step out, but she’ll be back in enough time to join us for dinner.” 

“O-oh. Okay.” Evan nodded. 

Finally Mrs. Murphy sat beside her husband. 

“So Evan.” she began gently. “You said that you were the one to write this letter?” 

Evan nodded again, silent. 

“Would you like to explain why it’s addressed to you, then? And how we came to find it on Connor?” she coaxed.

Evan fiddled with his hands and avoided their eyes. But at the gentle tone of her voice, he looked up and met her eyes. 

“Um, it’s supposed- supposed to be for my therapist?” he managed. “It was an assignment he had given me to- to help gain con-confidence?: 

Cynthia’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

“I- I know it’s not- it’s not very confident. I tried, but that morning wasn’t- wasn’t very good?” every sentence he said came out more like a question. 

“Alright.” Connor’s mom nodded. “Then how did Connor come to get this? And if you two weren’t friends, why did he sign your cast?” 

“Well, um, he was in the computer lab when I printed it and he saw it then. And-and I think he was- was trying to apologize? When he signed my cast?” 

“Apologize for what?” she frowned. 

“Well- well, um, on the first- first day of school, we, uh, had a- a misunderstanding.” 

“What kind of misunderstanding?” Mr. Murphy asked sharply. 

“Um, my frie- someone that was next to me said- said some...unkind things to Connor, and- and he thought he heard me laugh? So he- he got mad, which I totally understand-” 

“Did it get physical?” Larry asked knowingly. 

“No no! He just kind of shoved me a bit, but-” 

“That’s not very nice.” Mrs. Murphy looked disapproving, but there was still so much pain in her eyes.  
“So- so later, he- he saw me in the computer lab, and he offered to sign my cast when he...when he noticed no one else had.” Evan felt his cheeks heat up a bit, and he looked up to see the distraught mother giving him a sad smile. 

“And he had picked my letter up off the printer and was going to give it to me, but-” he began twisting the thumb on his broken arm, afraid to continue. 

“He saw- um, he saw Zoe’s name.” he dropped his head in embarrassment. “He got really angry? He thought- thought that I was making fun of him I think. Be-before I could explain he left and took the letter with him.” 

Cynthia took all of the information in with wide eyes. But Mr. Murphy leaned forward, fixing Evan with an intense gaze. 

“Now, why did you mention Zoe?” he asked, very serious. 

Evan’s heart began to race again, and he struggled to find the words.

“Evan, are you alright?” Cynthia asked, concerned. 

Evan nodded quickly. “Zoe- Zoe happened to see what happened between Connor and I that morning- I mean, when he- when he pushed me. And- and she apologized to me and was really nice.” Then he said in a whisper. “It was the only good part of my day.” 

He didn’t miss the sympathetic look she gave him. 

“So I guess- I guess I just thought if maybe I could talk to her- maybe if I had a friend it wouldn’t be so bad.” 

There was a moment of silence where Evan sat uncomfortable, twisting his thumb and praying the unbearable silence would end. 

“Thank you for telling us the truth, Evan. That couldn’t have been easy.” Cynthia finally said, mustering up a smile, even though there were tears in her eyes. 

“I’m- I’m very sorry about Connor. I know I didn’t, um, didn’t know him well, but...I wish I could’ve helped. I’m sorry that I didn’t know him.” 

“Thank you.” Larry nodded. 

“How-?” he stopped. 

“How did he try to take his own life?” Larry Murphy asked bitterly. “Overdose of-” 

“No no no no no no!” Evan frantically waved his hands. “How- um, how do the doctors-?” 

“The doctors say it’s still too soon to know if he’ll make it.” she let out a soft sob. 

“He’s stable for now, but they don’t know if he’ll be able to regain brain function by himself.” she informed him sadly. 

“O-oh, I’m so sorry. That’s- that’s awful.” Evan shuddered. 

“We’ve been with him day and night, but we wanted to hear what you had to say, and we wanted to have a homemade dinner again.” she rambled. 

Suddenly there was a loud shout of “I’m home!” and Zoe Murphy appeared in the doorway. She spotted Evan and stopped short, her eyes growing wide. “Oh. Hi, Evan.” 

“H-hi.” Evan looked down at his shoes. 

“Zoe, Evan was here to explain the letter we found on Connor.” 

“Oh. Right.” 

“Why don’t you two go up to your room and he can explain it to you while I make dinner?” she suggested. 

“N-no it’s okay!” Evan shrunk away, willing himself to disappear to no avail. 

“Okay.” Zoe shrugged and she turned around and walked out, reappearing a second later. 

“You coming?” she asked, sort of exasperated. 

“O-oh, okay.” With no other choice, Evan jumped up and followed. It was taking everything in him to not babble. He was so nervous he didn’t even take a moment to appreciate that he was in Zoe Murphy’s room. 

“You can sit if you want.” she said, taking a spot on her bed. 

“It’s- it’s okay.” he shook his head. 

“So.” she sighed. “I know you and my brother weren’t friends. So what’s going on.” 

“I- I- I um, explained to y-your parents that-” his cheeks burned with embarrassment and he played with the hem of shirt. He looked down. “It was an assignment from my therapist. To write- write letters to myself for confidence, but that morning when Connor- um, you know- I was upset so the letter wasn’t, um, good? He saw me in the computer lab printing it and brought it to me and signed my cast-” 

“Why.” Zoe asked bluntly. 

“He um, noticed no one had? And I think he was trying to apologize? He- he said that we could both pretend we- we have friends?” 

“So you gave him the note?” she asked dubiously. 

“No- no! He was handing it to me, but he saw- um-” 

“My name?” she asked. 

Evan could only nod. He took a deep breath and continued, wiping his palms on his jeans. 

“He got really angry and thought I was making fun of him. He-he was really protective. And- and he stormed off with the letter even though I asked him to give it back.” 

Finally she asked the question he’d been dreading. 

“So why did you mention me?” 

He suddenly couldn’t breathe, and his head started to pound, his vision blurring. 

'Because I have an embarrassingly enormous crush on you.'

Zoe’s eyes widened. “Evan? Are you okay?” 

Evan really wished people would stop asking him that. 

“I- I- you were nice to me after Connor- it was the only good thing about that day, and-” he looked down to hide the fact he had tears in his eyes. 

“And?” her voice was now gentle. 

“My ‘hopes’ were that I could have a friend like you.” 

There was a moment of silence where all that was heard was the sound of Evan’s gasping breaths. 

“Evan?” she asked. “Evan, look at me.

Slowly, Evan met her eyes. 

“It’s okay.” she said seriously. “I understand needing a friend. And I think maybe we could help each other out.” 

“H-how?” 

“Well you need a friend, and I sort of do too right now.” 

“But you have lots of-” 

“I have friends, sure, but you can’t have too many friends. And something tells me you know what it’s like to be overwhelmed. Which is how I feel right now.” 

Evan nodded shyly, again tugging at his thumb. 

“I’m supposed to be feeling all these sad emotions, but I just can’t. He was so awful to all of us- I just can’t feel sad. And I know I should. And then I have all these people sending me sympathy messages and pretending to be or trying to be my friends. And he’s not even gone. I don’t even know how to feel. I feel like you understand being surrounded by people but feeling lonely.” 

Despite his earlier anxiety attack, Evan let out a short humorless, self-deprecating laugh. 

“Yes, yes I do.” 

“So we can help each other out?” she asked. 

“How could I possibly help you?” he asked. “I’m- I’m a weirdo- a nobody. H-how could I help you?” 

“By being a friend I can talk to honestly? By lending a listening ear? And I know we have AP Lit together…would you maybe pick up any assignments I miss until I go back in a few days?” 

Evan nodded. 

“Thank you, Evan.” she gave him a smile. 

“Oh, I should give you my number in case you need to drop off the assignments!” she quickly held out her hand, silently asking for his phone. Evan handed it to her and she quickly put in her number. 

“Is it okay if I text myself so I have your number?” she asked, and he nodded again. 

She quickly sent herself a text and handed him back his phone. 

After a moment she looked at his cast. 

“Do you-?” she hesitated. “Do you want me to sign it?” 

Evan looked up. “What?” 

“Do you want me to sign your cast?” 

“N-no! You don’t have to. It’s okay, I understand! You don’t have to feel bad. I’m- well, I’m not- Loser. I’m just a loser, so-” 

“Evan. I’d like to. It’s just a cast. I don’t mind. Do you have a Sharpie?” 

“O-okay.” Evan awkwardly fumbled for his Sharpie. His heart was racing and when she finally drew her hand away to reveal her signature, it felt like it would burst. 

“Um, thank you- thank you so much.” he managed to say as she handed the marker back to him. 

“Don’t mention it.” she smiled. 

“Dinner’s ready!” came the sudden call. 

“Come on.” Zoe said with a grin. “Let’s go see what inedible dinner mom came up with this time.”


	3. Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared bothers Evan for details, Evan and Zoe get closer, and Evan has a spark of inspiration...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a lot of this stuff pre-written, so for now chapters will be coming out pretty quickly! Let me know if it's worth continuing! :)

The rest of the day Evan kept staring at his cast. Zoe’s signature looked so beautiful and dainty, especially compared to Connor’s messy scrawling. 

Normally Evan would be on Cloud 9, but there was a voice in the back of his head telling him she only signed his cast out of pity, because she was way too nice and felt obligated to. 

Shortly after he got home and started on his homework, his phone rang. 

He wasn’t surprised to see it was Jared. Of course he’d want all the dirty details of his dinner with the Murphys. 

Sure enough, when he answered, Jared launched right in with “How was it?” 

“It was o-okay.” 

“Did they freak when they heard it was just a sex letter?” 

Evan sighed. “No, they were actually- actually pretty cool with it.” He explained. 

“Was Zoe there?” Jared teased, drawing out her name. 

“She came later. She- um, brought me to her room and had me ex-explain.” 

“And?” Evan could hear the smirk in his voice. “Did she call you a creep? File a restraining order?” 

Evan blushed. “She-she said we could be friends. And she signed- she signed my cast.” 

There was a moment of silence. 

“No. Fucking. Way. Are you serious? Zoe Murphy signed your cast?” 

“Yeah.” he bit his lip. 

“Well fuck, man. I was looking forward to giving you hell.” 

Evan laughed a little. “Sorry.” 

“You’re a good target. Something’ll pop up tomorrow I can torture you about.” 

“Y-yeah.” Evan rolled his eyes. 

“Bye, dude.” 

“Bye.” 

Evan spent the rest of the night doing homework and contemplating everything that had happened in the span of 24 hours. Just thinking about it made him exhausted, and once his homework was finished, he rolled over and fell asleep, still in his clothes. 

* * * * * 

The next day at school was interesting to say the least. Now that the news of Connor had spread, the halls were buzzing with gossip. Evan cringed as he heard all the different rumors and stories; how he’d shot himself in the head, overdosed, slit his wrists in the tub. He felt nauseous, and very panicky. Alana only shared a sad smile with him and tried to ask about his cast, which Evan had dodged by promising to tell her at lunch. He’d already figured out a way to tell her what she wanted to know without giving her something to gossip about. 

And of course the first thing Jared did was look at Evan’s cast. He whistled. “Damn. You weren’t lying.” 

“Of course not!” Evan frowned. 

Jared sighed. “Well, I’m not about to be outdone by Zoe Murphy. Where’s your Sharpie.” he held out his hand. Evan looked at him, confused. 

“I’m gonna sign your cast, you idiot.” 

“Y-you don’t have to.” Evan shook his head. 

“Listen. If Zoe Murphy and Connor Murphy will sign your cast, it means I have to. You’re not even friends with them and they signed it! So it’s okay for me to. Plus, Zoe Murphy is one of the prettiest girls in school, so it automatically pardons anyone who signs it.” 

Evan flinched, and Jared seemed to understand what he’d said. 

“Woah. I’m sorry, man. That was bad.” 

“For-forget about it.” Evan shook his head. He grabbed a book out of his locker and closed it, walking away quickly. 

He awkwardly squeezed past a large group of students.

“I heard he tried to jump off his roof.” a girl said, actually sounding a bit smug. 

Evan immediately felt his stomach turn as twisted, dark thoughts and memories flew into his head. His broken arm throbbed. 

He sped up, his eyes starting to tear up. He had trouble breathing as his mind trailed off to dark places. 

He raced to the bathroom and instantly sank to the floor, his head in his hands. He focused on taking deep breaths and forced himself to think about the one thing he knew a lot about: trees. He started going through different kinds of trees in his head, and what climate they appeared in. Eventually he calmed down, and managed to stand. He was thankful that it was now his free period, or otherwise he’d be late to class. 

He made his way to the library and had just sat down when his phone buzzed. 

Immediately he froze as he saw it was from Zoe Murphy. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Ugh. My parents suck. 

He instantly responded. 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m sorry. They seemed really nice…

Zoe Murphy:  
That’s just a front they just put off. They fight all the time. And ever since the whole Connor thing it’s been so much worse. 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m sorry. 

Zoe Murphy:  
You even say that a lot through text. 

Evan Hansen:  
Yeah. Sorry. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Anyway. How’s school? 

Evan Hansen:  
Um, it’s school. I’m actually glad you’re not here. 

Evan Hansen:  
Ohmygod not what I meant!

Evan Hansen:  
I just meant that there are a bunch of people making up stories and being insensitive about Connor. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Yeah, well he wasn’t very nice, so I can see why. 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m not sure what to say to that. 

Zoe Murphy:  
You don’t have to say anything, really. Hey, have I missed any assignments? 

Evan Hansen:  
Not really. But I have some worksheets. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Thanks so much! Do you wanna drop them off after school? 

Evan Hansen:  
Um, if you want me to, sure. 

Zoe Murphy:  
That would be great. Thanks. 

Evan Hansen:  
Okay. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Oh, and Evan?

Evan Hansen:  
Yeah?

Zoe Murphy:  
Thanks for listening. 

Unsure of how to feel, Evan dove into his homework, hoping that if he finished he could have the night off. He wondered why Zoe had texted him of all people when she was upset. He worried that he didn’t give her the response she needed. 

Before he knew it, school was over and he was once again knocking on the Murphy’s door. 

“Evan!” Cynthia opened the door. “What a nice surprise!” 

“Hi.” Evan fiddled with his thumb. “I’m- I’m just here to, um, bring Zoe some homework?” 

“That’s so sweet of you! Come on in!” she ushered him in. “I’ll go let her know you’re here.” 

Evan awkwardly stood, waiting, feeling uncomfortable. A minute later Mrs. Murphy reappeared. “She says you can go right up, dear.” she said warmly. 

Nervously Evan walked up the stairs, hoping he wouldn’t have to knock on her door as well. Luckily, her door was open, and revealed Zoe Murphy lounging on her bed. 

She looked up when she saw him approaching.

“Hey, Evan.” she said. 

“Hi Zoe.” he shifted his weight on his feet. 

“You can come in.” she laughed. 

He walked further into the room and quickly reached into his bag for the assignments he had for her. 

“Here- here you go.” he handed them to her with shaky hands. 

“Are you okay, Evan?” she frowned. 

Evan nodded quickly. “If- if you have any questions let me know.” he turned to leave. 

“Wait!” Zoe said. “You realize you don’t have to bring me the assignments and run off, right?” 

“It’s- it’s okay.” 

“Evan. Sit.” she gave him a knowing glance. 

Evan sat down, self-conscious as she stared at him. 

“So tell me, what about you made my brother apologize to you?” she looked at him curiously. 

“I, um, don’t know. He probably just thought I was pathetic.” he mumbled. 

Zoe snorted at that. “Trust me. He’s seen me at my lowest moments, totally pathetic, and he’s never apologized for doing much worse than just pushing me.” 

Evan silently stared at the ground, not knowing what to say. 

She sighed. “So, tell me about yourself.” 

“Oh, I’m not- I’m just- I’m not really exciting or anything. I just-I guess I just am a regular guy? Not in the ‘cool’ regular guy way, but like a normal way? Like even more bland than normal? I just- I don’t really do mny exciting things?” he rambled on. 

Zoe looked at him with wide eyes. “You’re really weird.” she said flatly. 

“I know.” Evan flinched a little. 

“Evan-” 

“I should uh go, I really need to get some homework done.” he lied, standing up quickly and reaching for his bag. 

“Wait-” 

“Let me know if you need anything else. Bye.” 

“Leaving so soon?” Cynthia asked. 

“Yeah, I have homework.” Evan told the white lie again.” 

“Alright. Well, don’t be a stranger, okay? You’re welcome anytime. I’m about to head out to the hospital, but we’ll see you soon?” 

‘They feel bad for you’ a voice inside Evan’s head said. ‘They don’t actually enjoy your company.’ 

“Thank-thank you.” Evan stared at the ground. 

“You have a good day.” 

“You too.” Evan nodded. 

When he got home he found money on the counter and a note from his mom telling him to order something for dinner. 

He wasn’t surprised when Jared messaged him bothering him for any updates about the recent drama he’d been unwillingly dragged into. When Evan mentioned it Jared just said “Relax dude. This is Connor Murphy we’re talking about. And he didn’t even die. People will forget this even happened in like a week.” 

That thought made Evan feel even worse. 

* * * * * 

“People have totally forgotten Connor!” 

Alana said it to Evan. “I can’t believe this! He’s not even dead and people aren’t even talking about the fact that he tried to commit suicide.” 

Evan frowned. “I- I know.” 

“No one deserves that.” Alana said. He nodded. 

“How are the Murphy’s?” she asked. “I know you’ve had dinner with them a couple times this week.” 

“What? No, I-” 

“Zoe told me you’ve been over.” she said. 

“She-she did? Oh. Okay. They’re alright. They visit him in shifts all the time.” 

“What do the doctors say?” 

“I- I don’t know, I don’t ask.” Evan shook his head. He hoped it might clear away the image of Connor laying in a hospital bed with all different kinds of tubes and machines attached to him. He shuddered. 

That night he sat doing his homework, but his mind kept coming back to Connor. 

He almost heard his voice saying “No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to disappear.” 

Suddenly it clicked in Evan’s brain. He knew what to do.


	4. You Are Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Connor Project has made a bigger impact than Evan would have ever believed.

The Connor Project was a bigger success than Evan ever dreamed. The little idea Evan came up with had grown so much bigger.

All because of a speech. 

Evan cringed when he thought about how he’d felt while giving the speech. He’d felt so out of place on the stage, in front of everyone, dressed in a nicer shirt and wearing Connor’s tie Mrs. Murphy had given him and begged him to wear. 

He’d started by talking about his run-in with Connor in the library. How lost and upset he’d seemed when he said “Now we can both pretend that we have friends.” But with his nerves Evan had messed up the order of his cards. He’d tried to correct the situation, but his hands were shaking so badly it was hopeless, and he dropped them. Fumbling over his words, he’d bent down to pick them up. Feeling all the eyes on him, Evan felt his heart race increase, his breathing labored, and he cowered on the stage, every inch of him trembling, willing himself to disappear. Looking down, he caught sight of the tie. He thought of Connor. His mind flew to the day he broke his arm, and he looked out at the audience. 

When he looked out into the crowd he’d seen so many faces. Some were laughing at him, some looked at him with pity. But he thought if Connor Murphy could understood his desire to... put an end to... everything, maybe someone else did. In that moment, Evan felt an enormous responsibility fall on his shoulders. He thought about how much of a difference one person could have made over the summer for him. How much of a difference one person could have made to Connor Murphy. He knew he had to say something. 

Before he could even register what he was saying, he asked the crowd if they’d ever felt alone or forgotten. He told them he wished he’d been able to show Connor that he wasn’t alone, and that he mattered. He told the audience everything he wished he’d been told over the summer; that they weren’t alone, someone was listening, and they’d be found. 

He was speaking to anyone that understood and felt like he did, like Connor Murphy did. He’d almost blacked out while talking, and practically ran off the stage, almost tripping over himself when it was over. 

It wasn’t until later when Alana found him that he knew his speech hadn’t failed as much as he thought it had. 

“Evan! Your speech was incredible!” she said. 

“I- I dropped my cards and forgot what I was saying!” he shook his head, cheeks red from embarrassment. 

“But everything you said after!” she insisted. “It was the most beautiful thing! Have you seen this?” she pulled out her phone and showed him that someone uploaded   
his speech online and that the Connor Project had gained a ton of followers. Later that day Jared showed up at his apartment. 

“Dude! You’re a legend! That whole speech! Where did that come from?!” 

“From forgetting it!” Evan cringed. 

“It was amazing.” Jared actually sounded impressed. 

When Evan shook his head, Jared fixed him with a no-nonsense look. “Your speech is everywhere! This morning, the Connor Project page, it only had fifty-six people   
following it. 

“How many does it have now?” Evan asked. 

“Four thousand, five hundred, eighty two.”

Evan was amazed at the number and was surprised to see that a bunch of people had shared, reposted, and commented on the video. 

“My speech wasn’t that good!” Evan protested. 

“Listen to it.” Jared forced Evan to watch it and Evan had to admit that the speech was very heartfelt after the card-dropping incident. 

“I guess it’s not bad, but-” 

“Dude. Did you notice that after you dropped the cards you didn’t stutter once?” 

* * * * * 

That night Evan went to the Murphy’s for dinner. He was shocked when Cynthia Murphy threw open the door and immediately pulled him into a hug. 

“I can’t thank you enough.” her voice was thick with tears as she embraced him. For the first time in a long time, Evan relaxed into the comforting warmth of a hug. 

“That speech was incredible! Did you see how many followers the Connor Project has now?” she asked, her eyes shining. 

“No, how many?” 

“Sixteen thousand, two hundred, and thirty-nine!”

Evan’s jaw dropped. “I don’t understand...what happened?” 

“You did!” she hugged him again, and then pulled away, giving him a maternal kiss on the cheek. Evan instinctively shied away, but he felt warmth flood through him at the affection. 

However, Evan’s pride soon turned into horror when the only thing they discussed at dinner was his speech. Relatively quiet, Zoe sat across from him and he caught her looking at him with sympathy a few times. 

‘It’s because she feels bad that you totally embarrassed yourself in front of the whole school giving that stupid speech!’ 

Luckily, the conversation finally turned into the future of the Connor Project, which Evan felt way more comfortable discussing. To the delight of the entire family, the money was being put towards the re-opening of the orchards the Murphy’s went to when Connor was little. 

“We- we wanted to do that because it ties to Connor but it also might give people- people feeling like Connor felt- a place to go.” 

“That’s wonderful!” Mrs. Murphy beamed. 

“We’re also working with the Counseling Center for ways to, uh, help those who feel lost. We just don’t want anyone to feel like Connor did again.” he said softly, staring down at his plate. 

“Thank you.” This time, Evan was surprised to hear the emotion come from Larry Murphy. 

“Um, may I be excused?” Zoe suddenly asked, also staring down at her plate. 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Cynthia nodded. 

“Evan, do you want to join me?” she asked. 

“If- if that’s okay.” he looked over at her mother. 

She laughed. “Go ahead.” 

“Th-thank you. Dinner was delicious.” 

“Thank you, dear. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” she smiled. 

Evan carried his plate over to the dishwasher along with Zoe. Then he followed her up to her room. 

She sat on the bed, and at her indication he joined her. 

He was surprised to see that she had tears in her eyes. 

“Are- are you okay?” he asked. 

“Yes.” she took a deep breath. “I just wanted to... thank you. Everything you said in your speech. Everything you’ve done. You don’t know how much...what you’ve given...all of us, everyone. My family. Me.” 

Evan shook his head, uncomfortable with his praise. “No, I...this is-” 

“You’ve given everyone hope. And you’ve helped me learn a lot about my brother...You’ve given me my brother back.” her eyes were shining with tears and sincerity. 

The next thing Evan was aware of was the feeling of her soft lips on his. 

His brain short-circuited and he instinctively flinched away. 

She looked at him with confusion and hope written across her face. 

‘She only speaks to you out of pity. That was out of pity. She’s emotional over her brother’s death and you’re the only one who gets him. She doesn’t really like you.’ a voice in the back of his head said. 

‘Maybe she’s setting you up. Come Monday the whole school will know that Zoe Murphy kissed Loser Evan Hansen and made him think she actually cared about him.’ 

‘But what if’ another voice said. ‘What if today’s the day you’ve imagined for years?’ 

Looking at her, Evan found he couldn’t resist. Before he could let anxiety rule him, he surged forward, holding her waist while the other hand brought her face towards his.

He kissed her desperately, as if he was going to wake up at any moment. 

“Evan” Zoe finally gasped when necessity for oxygen tore them apart. 

“So sorry.” Evan blushed, looking down. He knew he misread her signal. Now she would laugh at him. 

“For what?” Zoe laughed. “I just wanted to ask if you-” Evan was almost startled to see the Zoe Murphy was actually blushing. 

“If you like me.” she finished, chewing on her lip nervously. 

“O-of course I do!” Evan nodded. 

“Really?” 

“I- I have for a long time.” Evan’s heartbeat was pounding like crazy. 

“What?” Zoe sounded surprised. 

“I’ve- I’ve liked you since- um- freshman year? Your freshman year?” 

“Seriously?” Zoe smiled. Then she turned bashful. “I like you too, Evan.” 

“W-why? I’m just a nobody- I don’t really have any friends, and- and I can’t make it through a sentence without stammering, my most comfortable topic is trees, and-”

“Look, I’ll admit I was a little apprehensive at first. I thought you were super weird. But...you’re so sweet, and your awkwardness is pretty cute too, and you’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.” 

“You really think so?” Evan felt his face heat up. 

“I do.” Zoe smiled. 

“You’re just so….confident, and you’re so great at jazz band and making friends, and you’re like so pretty- I mean beautiful- and you never get awkward like me-”

“Evan?"

“Yeah?” 

“Shut up and kiss me.” Zoe pulled him closer, and again Evan found himself marveling in the soft feeling of Zoe’s lips on his. 

Taking control of the kiss, Zoe pulled him so that she was laying back, Evan on top of her. 

For the first time in a long time, Evan felt nothing but sheer joy. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like that. 

“Evan?” Zoe asked, breaking away. “Are you okay?” 

“It’s just- I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.” 

“Me too.” Zoe smiled. 

“So what-?” Evan stopped himself. 

“What…?” Zoe encouraged him to continue. 

“What, um what do we do now? I- I mean, I’m not sure what you’d like- I mean, I’ve never- um- I just don’t um know how to really start? I’m sorry, I’m messing this up.” 

“Evan. It’s okay. That’s a fair question. Contrary to what you seem to think, I don’t have too much experience with guys. So why don’t we start slow? So you’re more comfortable?” 

Evan nodded silently, surprised she would do that for him.

“Okay.” she smiled. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and took out her phone, simply asking “Wanna listen to some music?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like people are actually reading this, so here's another update for you all!   
> I know that things escalated quickly, but trust me, things won't be as simple as all that. :)   
> As always, thanks for reading! Stay safe and happy, friends!


	5. We Were Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heidi is trying, Evan and Zoe are still figuring things out, Evan's under pressure, and Jared is a hurt puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update, y'all! Can't believe I'm already halfway through the stuff I had pre-written!  
> Please let me know if there are specific things you'd like to see happen! I want to please as many readers as I can! :)

Evan woke up the next day, still unable to process the night before. But he quickly grew excited when the smell of his mother’s cooking reached his nose. 

He quickly got dressed, fumbling with his broken arm, and made his way to the kitchen. 

“Good morning!” Heidi Hansen greeted her son warmly. 

“Morning, Mom.” Evan was incredibly glad to see his mother; he hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes at a time since the start of the school year. 

“I’m making your favorite- waffles!” 

She slid some onto a plate and handed it to him. He sat at the table and put the appropriate amount of syrup on the side so the waffles wouldn’t get soggy. A few minutes later his mom joined him, with a coffee and a waffle of her own. 

“So, honey, how’s school going?” she asked. 

Evan shrugged. “It’s okay.” 

“Your classes are going well?” 

Evan nodded. 

“I saw the strangest thing on Facebook today…” she began gently. 

“Really?”

“There was a video from the, uh, something called the, uh, Connor Project? Have you heard of that? Because their website, it says that you’re the president.” 

“Co president.” Evan pointed out quietly. 

“Uh-huh. Well, this was, it was a video of you doing a speech? About that boy. Connor Murphy. You told me you didn’t know him...that boy.” 

“I- I don’t. I didn’t.” 

“I don’t understand what’s going on with you.” she said softly. 

“Nothing is-"

"You’re standing up in front of the school and giving speeches? You’re president of a group? I don’t know who that person is.” Evan shook his head, but then his mom laid her hand on top of his, her voice gentle and supportive. “Please tell me what’s going on?” 

“I-I didn’t know Connor, but I got to know his family, so…” 

“Oh, honey, I’m so proud of you for getting up there! Your speech was so beautiful….How do you know the family?” she began to look nervous. “You didn’t just say you weren’t friends to put my mind at ease, did you?” 

“No no no!” Evan shook his head, but his explanation was cut short when his mom pointed to his cast. 

“He signed your cast, though!” 

“I already told you- he only did that out of pity on the first day of school. I promise.” 

But his mom was now distracted. “Oh look at all the signatures! Zoe Murphy...isn’t that Connor’s sister? And of course Jared did! That’s good!” 

“Yeah.” 

“So why did Connor Murphy really sign your cast? How come you never mentioned him?” she asked, her desperation to connect with what was going on in her son’s life seeping into her voice. 

“I didn’t really know him. I just met him- or talked to him for the first time- on the first day of school…” 

He finally explained what happened with as little information as possible; she didn’t need to know Connor had pushed him or had stolen one of his therapy letters. Instead, he told her that there had been a simple misunderstanding. That they knew Connor had signed his cast and, like her, assumed they were friends, so when they invited him over for dinner he’d explained but felt strongly enough about it to start the Connor Project. 

“Oh Evan, I’m just so proud of you!” she gushed. “I’m so glad you’ve found some confidence! To go to dinner at the Murphy’s and give a speech in front of the entire school? That’s so amazing!” 

Evan didn’t have the heart to correct her. To tell her he’d only gotten someone to sign his cast because he pushed him and felt bad, and that it was his sister following suit. And that Jared had only signed it out of obligation. That his therapy letter meant to help him and give him confidence was stolen from him and mistaken as a suicide note. No, it was easier to let her think he was doing better; she wouldn’t worry so much and would be proud of him instead of pitying him. 

“I’m- I’m excited for pizza night.” he told her shyly. 

Immediately her face fell, and Evan’s heart sunk; he knew what was coming. 

“Baby, I was called into work tonight. I’m so sorry. This weekend we can-” 

“It’s okay.” Evan said. But he suddenly understood why she’d put such an effort into breakfast; it was an apology. 

“Well tonight I can leave you money to order your own pizza, or you can make one of the “Create-Your-Own” ones we got for tonight without me. I know you don’t like answering the door for takeout.” she attempted to assure him. 

“I’ll be fine.” he shrugged. 

She sighed. “I’m sorry, Evan. Please make sure you eat something.” 

He nodded, and stood to put his plate in the dishwasher. He ran upstairs to brush his teeth and grab his backpack. When he came down his mom was by the door. 

“Have a great day, Evan.” she gave him a smile and a hug. “I love you.” she ruffled his hair. 

“Love you too.” 

* * * * * 

“I’m sorry...what?!” Jared’s loud voice made Evan flinch as people stopped to look towards the two boys.

“Zoe, uh, I mean we- there was a kiss.” Evan said quietly. 

“With your pillow, right? You were just imagining Zoe?” Evan’s "family friend" asked flatly. 

“No, last night after dinner we uh, we kissed.” 

“So let me get this straight. You. Kissed Zoe Murphy.”

“Actually she- she kissed me.” Evan blushed. 

“What the shit?! You sure it wasn’t a dream? You’re not fucking with me?” Jared sounded suspicious. 

Evan shook his head. 

“Well shit, man.” Jared’s hand ran through his hair, processing the information with wide eyes. “I guess I should say ‘Good for you’ and ‘I’m happy for you’ and all that crap. You’ve liked her forever.” 

“But- but- I don’t know what to do! You know I’m not- I’m not good with girls!” 

Jared laughed. “So now you’re asking me for love advice? Not my problem, dude. Just go out with her. And don’t get too awkward or clingy.” 

Evan nervously pulled at his thumb. “Okay.” 

“Also, what are you doing tonight?” Jared asked. 

“W-well, mom couldn’t do pizza night, so…” 

“Would you settle for me?” 

Evan looked up, surprised. 

“My mom keeps bugging me to hang out with you, and I figured if you aren’t doing anything…” Jared shrugged. 

“Right. Sure.” 

“Cool.” 

During Study Hall, Evan once again found himself writing one of his therapy letters. He was sure it was coming out weird; he was hopeful about Zoe and happy that he wouldn’t be alone tonight, but he was also anxious about how to proceed with Zoe, disappointed his mom had once again bailed on their plans, and all too aware of the fact that Jared was only hanging out with him because his mother was making him. 

But he was distracted again when his phone buzzed. 

He had a few missed messages from Alana about the Connor Project, but since he had the same lunch period as her, he decided to talk to her then. But the most recent message was from Zoe. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Hi :) 

Evan Hansen:  
Hi Zoe

Zoe Murphy:  
How are you doing? 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m alright 

Evan Hansen:  
What about you? 

Evan Hansen:  
Sorry that was in two separate messages. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Lol it’s okay

Zoe Murphy:  
My friends are treating me like a glass figurine; like I’m gonna break any second. 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m sorry. 

Zoe Murphy:  
It’s okay, I was just needing to vent. 

Evan Hansen:  
Can I help? 

Zoe Murphy:  
You already did. By listening. :) 

Evan Hansen:  
Oh. Well, I’m glad.

Zoe Murphy:  
I hope I see you today? 

Evan Hansen:  
If you want to

Evan Hansen:  
I mean if you’d like to I could

Evan Hansen:  
Not that I don’t want to see you! I totally do! 

Evan Hansen:  
I just don’t want you to feel like you have to. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Of course I wanna see you, silly…

Zoe Murphy:  
Also, I didn’t expect you to text back in class. Didn’t picture you as a rule breaker :p 

Evan Hansen:  
I’m capable of breaking rules!

Evan Hansen:  
Okay fine, I’m in free study in the library. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Hahahahaha that explains it! 

Zoe Murphy:  
Wait, you can go to a study lounge, right? 

Evan Hansen:  
Yea, I usually just stay in the library though, I really like how quiet it is and I feel like I’ll get in trouble if I walk around the halls even though you technically can. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Do you want to come visit me then? 

Evan Hansen:  
What?

Zoe Murphy:  
I’m in the downstairs lounge. I left lunch because I couldn’t deal with my friends.

Evan Hansen:  
You really want me to come there? 

Zoe Murphy:  
Yeah. 

Evan Hansen:  
Okay

Evan quickly scooped up his books, his hands shaking a bit. He was surprised to find that on top of his usual anxiety he also felt...excitement. 

The library was on the top floor, so he walked down two flights of stairs, keeping his head down to avoid eye contact with any of the few students in the hallway. 

Finally he reached the study lounge, and he took a deep breath before walking in. 

He was surprised when Zoe jumped up from her seat. 

“Evan!” she beamed. 

“Hi-hi, Zoe.” 

Zoe came forward and took his hand, leading him to the couch she’d been sitting on. 

“How are you, Evan?” she gave him an encouraging smile. 

“I’m- I’m...alright.” 

“You sound unsure.” she looked at him intently. 

“Well sometimes I’m not sure.” he admitted, twisting his thumb. 

“Because of your anxiety?” she asked gently. 

He looked up in surprise. 

“My brother has depression. He used to be so different. I did a lot of research on things like depression and anxiety. I know what it looks it, and what it can do.” 

Instantly, Evan felt tears burn behind his eyes. So she was yet another person who knew how broken he was. Is that way she was so nice to him? 

“Evan? Evan!” she cupped his face in her hands. “Look at me.” her voice held a gentle firmness to it. 

“It’s okay. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. You take care of yourself- you go to a therapist. I’m proud of you. My good-for-nothing brother never did. He never tried to get better, and he ended up destroying himself and our relationship. Having something like anxiety and getting help for it shows strength, Evan.” 

“You don’t...you don’t mind?” he asked. 

“Of course not. It doesn’t change how nice and gentle you are. I feel like I can talk to you without being judged. You’re different, Evan.” 

Evan could only offer her a shy smile; he was lost for words. 

“And I’m sorry, but you’re very cute." she closed the distance between them and Evan’s eyes closed as she kissed him. 

“Evan?” she asked after a moment, pulling away from him. “Do you want to kiss me?” 

“What?” 

“You don’t usually….respond. I just don’t want to make you feel like you have to kiss me, if you’re not ready.” she looked down, and Evan was surprised to see insecurity coming from Zoe Murphy. 

“I do want to kiss you.” he said softly, taking her hand. 

“You do?” 

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?! Doesn’t every boy want to kiss Zoe Murphy? Oh my god I don’t mean your only good quality is that you’re pretty- you’re confident, talented, funny, and kind. But any guy would be lucky to kiss you I obviously want to kiss you.” he rambled.

“Evan-”

“I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you to regret kissing me.” 

“Evan.” Zoe was deeply serious now. “I don’t regret kissing you. I know it’s hard to hear past your anxiety, but you’re a great guy. And I like you.” her voice turned gentle. “I don’t think this will work if you can’t trust that. And I’ll promise you now that I will tell you if something is wrong. Can we try that?” she held his hands. 

“Okay.” he nodded shakily. 

“Now can we try this again?” Zoe asked, leaning closer. 

Evan responded to the kiss, wrapping his arms around her and slowly running his hands up and down her sides, making her shiver. 

Slowly, the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. 

Finally, Evan pulled away, the two almost gasping for breath. 

“Zoe would, ah, would you go on a date with me?” 

Zoe’s face lit up. “I would love that!”

She kissed him once more, and both teens were startled when the school bell rang. 

“Will I see you tonight?” she asked shyly. 

Evan shifted uncomfortably. “Actually, Jared is coming over for pizza night because my mom couldn’t. I have to help save his car insurance.” 

Zoe frowned at that, but a second later her warm smile was back. “Okay. Is it okay if I text you?” 

“I’d like that.” he smiled back. 

“Good. Bye, Evan.” Zoe gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she was gone. 

* * * * * 

“So I want all the details. Spill.” 

Evan sighed. Jared had been in his house for no more than 30 seconds and already he was interrogating Evan.

Evan managed to tell Jared everything that had happened, even through Jared’s interruptions.

“You asked her out?!” he screamed when Evan told him about that afternoon. 

“I mean we’ve- we’ve kissed, so it seemed like the next logical step!” 

“Jesus. I can’t believe it. Evan Hansen is dating Zoe Murphy! That just makes me look lonely and pathetic.” Jared groaned.

Evan felt the pang of hurt, but, as he was accustomed to Jared, he said nothing. 

“So what pizza are we ordering?” Jared asked, lounging on the couch. 

“I- I was just gonna make a sandwich or something.” Evan shrugged. 

“You said it was pizza night!” 

“Well, I don’t like to order, and the Create-Your-Own pizzas were for my mom and I.” Evan told him meekly, still hoping he and his mom would have pizza night soon.

“Right! You don’t like ordering cause you have to call and answer the door.” he rolled his eyes. 

“It makes me anxious.” 

“Yeah, what doesn’t.” 

Evan flinched and Jared sighed. “Your mom left you money, right?” 

Evan nodded. 

“Fine. Then I’ll call and answer the door.” 

“You will?” 

“If it means getting pizza instead of scraps? Yes. I’ll do anything for pizza. Even kinky stuff.” he winked. 

The rest of the night Evan and Jared lounged on the couch eating pizza and watching a movie. 

Evan texted Zoe a bit too, and they agreed to go out the next night. Overall content with the evening, Evan fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * * * *

Weeks flew by and Evan was surprised at the turn his life had taken. He and Zoe were now boyfriend and girlfriend, much to the delight of Cynthia and Larry. He spent most nights at their house. Evan felt guilty about keeping his relationship secret from his mom, but he didn’t know how to tell her, and he knew she would want to know everything. Her schedule had made it so that Evan barely saw her at all anymore. Besides, Jared was the only other person who knew. Evan still worked alongside Jared and Alana, but the Connor Project had lost some of it’s popularity. 

“I understand he didn’t die yet, and he’s been in a coma for months, but people are ignoring the fact that teen suicide is a big issue!” Alana ranted, walking next to Evan in the hall. 

“I- I know.” 

“Well, start brainstorming ways to fix this!” 

“Well-” 

“Hey, how about Zoe?!” she brightened. 

“What?” 

“Come on, if we got Zoe involved it would draw people in! I mean, she’s his sister!” 

Evan and Jared met eyes, Jared smirking. 

“Oh, I don’t know if-”

“You’re friends with her! Ask!” Alana implored. 

“Yeah, Evan! You’re friends with her! Just ask!” Jared looked at Evan innocently. 

“I- I could try.” Evan glared at Jared. 

“Great! Bye, guys!” she scurried off. 

As soon as she was gone, Evan turned to Jared. “Why would you do that?!” 

Jared laughed. “I’m sorry, man. I couldn’t resist.” 

Evan sighed and walked toward his locker, Jared now following. 

“Hey, do you wanna have another pizza night? Maybe play some games?” 

“Um, I can’t. The Murphy’s are-” 

“Having you over for dinner.” Jared finished. 

"Y-yeah." Evan confirmed 

“Okay, man. Bye.” he sulked off, confusing Evan.

If only he’d known how the evening would turn out, he would’ve gladly taken a pizza night with Jared over what was about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunnnnn! Sorry, I couldn't resist! I needed a bit of a cliff-hanger!  
> What do you all think is gonna happen?! I'd love to hear your guesses!


	6. Lost In The In-Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected event will change everything.

“So, Evan, how’s your mother doing?” Cynthia asked that night at dinner. 

“Oh, um, she’s good, I think. She’s been working a lot, so I haven’t really seen her.” he looked down at his food. 

“What did you say she does again?” 

“She’s um, a nurse’s aide. And she’s studying to be a paralegal.” 

“Right!” 

“And your father?” Larry asked. 

“I, um, I- he works at an insurance company.” 

“Does that keep him busy too?” 

“I wouldn’t really know.” Evan said quietly. “He...he left when I was seven? He, um, he has a new family? I normally only talk to him twice a year- Christmas and my  
birthday? And occasionally, he’ll email, but…” 

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s his loss.” Larry said awkwardly.

There was an awkward silence until Evan couldn’t take it anymore. 

“So Zoe, your Jazz Band concert is coming up soon, right? How’s that coming?” he asked. 

“It’s going well.” Zoe looked a bit amused. 

“That’s great, honey! What are you guys playing this time?” Cynthia was excited at the change of topic.

But Zoe’s response was cut off by a phone ringing. 

Cynthia looked at the Caller ID and jumped. “It’s the hospital!” 

Connor had been deteriorating in the last few weeks, which had taken a toll on the family. She went into the other room to take the call, shaking. 

But conversation at the table was stilled again when a cry came from the kitchen. A moment later, Cynthia came back into the room. 

She spoke three simple words, her eyes shining with tears. 

“Connor’s waking up!” 

* * * * * 

Evan could feel his heart pounding as Larry Murphy sped to the hospital. 

Despite his objections, the Murphy's insisted he come with them to the hospital. Which is how he found himself in the back of the Murphy’s car, that was going faster than he’d ever experienced a car go before.

Wordlessly, Zoe reached over and grabbed his hand. Evan squeezed it, giving her his silent support. 

He struggled to keep up with Mrs. Murphy as she raced towards her son’s room. 

They skidded to a stop outside of it, running into a nurse. 

“He hasn’t woken up yet.” she gave the family a warm smile. “His vital signs are coming back to normal, and his brainwave functions and motor functions are accelerating rapidly. It should be any minute now.” 

The family and Evan squeezed into the room and Evan felt his chest constrict when he laid eyes on the figure lying in the hospital bed. He'd refused all of the Murphy's invitations to visit him, not being able to face it. It was like a nightmare for Evan, and he felt rooted to the spot, frozen. 

Cynthia immediately was at her son’s side. 

“Larry!” she gasped. “His fingers!” 

Connor’s fingers were moving ever so slightly. His mother gripped his hand. 

“Connor, baby, can you hear me?” she asked. “I’m right here. So is your father. And Zoe! And our new friend. We’re all here for you, baby.” 

Slowly, Connor’s eyes opened. 

Cynthia gasped and started to sob, clutching onto her son. Her hand stroked his hair as she tearfully said “Hi, baby.” 

“Mom?” Connor croaked. 

“I’m right here.” she assured him. 

“Connor.” Larry stood at his son’s side, and he looked emotional as he lay a hand on Connor’s shoulder. 

“Hi, Zo.” Connor said jokingly, looking at his sister. 

Zoe squeezed Evan’s hand again when she replied in the same sarcastic tone. “Hey, Conman.” 

Then Connor’s eyes landed on Evan. 

Immediately his eyes narrowed. “Hansen?” he asked incredulously. 

“Hi, C-Connor.” Evan fidgeted nervously. 

“What are you doing here.” Connor demanded. 

“There’s time to explain that later.” Cynthia shook her head. “How are you feeling?” 

“Confused.” Connor frowned. 

“Oh, baby.” Cynthia teared up. “You- you tried-” 

Connor’s eyes lit up with understanding, and he sighed. “Shit.” he breathed. 

His eyes flicked over to Evan, and Evan shrank into himself. 

“I’ll let you guys- um- yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow? Bye.” 

Evan dropped Zoe’s hand and bolted out of the room before anyone could object. 

With shaky hands he texted Jared, so distracted that he didn't even roll his eyes at the name Jared had put himself under like he usually did. 

Evan Hansen:  
Help 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
With what Hansen.

Evan Hansen:  
I’m at the hospital. I need a ride. 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Dude! Are you ok? 

Evan Hansen:  
Long story. I’m fine. Just come and get me? 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Fine. On my way. 

Evan sighed with relief. He sat by the side of the hospital on a bench, trying to control his breathing to little avail. He lost track of time, ignoring the constant buzzing of his phone of Zoe messaging and calling him. 

“Evan!” 

He felt relief flood him as he heard Jared call his name. 

He rushed to get into the car. Jared had an uncharacteristically concerned expression on his face that Evan couldn’t see as he struggled to breathe. 

“Woah. Um. Okay. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Breathe with me, Evan.” Jared instructed Evan to breathe, driving as quickly as he could while demonstrating to Evan. 

When Evan wasn’t on the cusp of hyperventilating, Jared finally said: “What’s the most interesting fact about trees?”

Evan was able to answer, and soon he was focused on other things, spouting off tree facts. 

Finally, Evan’s breathing returned to normal, and his shaking calmed down a bit, and the car stopped. When he looked up, he was somewhat surprised to see he was in Jared’s driveway. 

He wordlessly followed Jared into the house. 

“Jared, what were you-?” Jared’s mother peeked out from the living room, stopping when she saw Evan. Immediately her face lit up. 

“Evan! It’s so good to see you, honey!” she rushed in to give him a hug. “How are you?! How’s your mom?! Oh it really has been too long!” 

Before Evan could reply, Jared held up his hand. 

“Mom, don’t bombard him with questions. He has a lot going on, and he needed my help. We’re just gonna go up to my room for a bit. We’ll just come down later so you can talk to him then.” he dragged Evan up the stairs. 

Evan felt a huge rush of gratitude for Jared. He’d forgotten how Jared knew how to deal with his panic attacks, like in the car, and he knew Evan would be overwhelmed by all the questions his mother would ask. 

Jared crashed onto his bed and indicated for Evan to sit in the chair. 

He sat and the two shared a moment of silence before Jared asked. “So, what happened.” 

When Evan didn’t answer, he pushed gently. 

“Evan, I haven’t seen you have an attack that bad in a long time. So what happened?” 

Finally Evan found his voice. “Connor woke up.” 

Jared’s face went totally blank as the information computed with him, but then his eyes widened. 

“No fucking way!” he said. “That’s why you were at the hospital?” 

Evan nodded, standing. “They wanted me to come and I just- I saw him wake up and- and he was confused. And then he saw me, and-” he stopped, Jared waiting in silence, for once exhibiting patience. 

“When he looked at me he was so confused, almost angry, and his mom tried to remind him, but then he remembered and his eyes flicked to me. I- I know it was because of my letter, I know it was! He almost died because of me! And he can’t find out about Zoe and I! Oh my god he’d kill me! Not that I blame him... And oh my god what’s he going to think of the Connor Project?! It’ll just make him mad!” Evan paced. 

“Evan. I understand your fears. That’s super awkward. But he has many other problems to sort out first. And I hate to say it (cause I love giving you hell), but you did nothing wrong.” 

“He almost- because of my letter-!” 

“That wasn’t meant for him to see. He had no real reason to be in your business. So even if your letter led him to- if it was the reason why, it’s still not your fault.” 

Evan nodded nervously, tugging at his thumb. 

“Does it hurt when you do that?” Jared asked, noticing. 

Evan looked up in surprise. “Not much, it just kinda throbs a bit.” 

“Well, stop that.” he knocked Evan’s hand away. 

“Why are you being nice to me?” Evan finally asked after a long silence.

It took a moment for Jared to reply. “Because I’m not heartless. And my mom would totally freak if you had a heart attack in our house.” 

Evan’s head dropped. “I’m sorry.” 

Jared shrugged. “It’s fine.” 

“Okay. Ready to talk to my mom?” Evan nodded. 

As he suspected, Jared’s mom had a bunch of questions. She wanted to know how Evan and Heidi were, how school was going, if he still liked writing, if he’d had any big adventures over the summer. He tried not to cringe when she asked about his cast. 

He felt much better, however, when she gave him a warm hug. Excluding his mom, Jared’s mom Sarah was the adult that was around the most during his childhood, especially after his father left. 

“I’m gonna drive him home, mom.” 

“Okay. Be safe. It was so good to see you, Evan! Don’t be a stranger!” she patted his head affectionately. 

“Good to see you too, Mrs. Kleinman.” 

Neither boy spoke on the ride to Evan’s house. 

When they pulled into the driveway, Evan spoke timidly. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. You sure you’re okay?” Evan nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Once inside, Evan took a quick shower and then collapsed on the bed, exhausted. He didn’t even see the five missed calls, or check the messages on his phone, or he wouldn’t have managed to fall asleep. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Evan? Are you okay? What happened there? 

Zoe Murphy:  
Evan where are you? You’re not in the hospital.

Zoe Murphy:  
I’m gonna text Jared if you don’t answer.

Zoe Murphy:  
Please just let me know if you’re ok

Zoe Murphy:  
Jared said you were with him, that you seemed pretty bad. I’m sorry we made you come. 

Zoe Murphy:  
Be safe. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? 

4327563:  
My mom gave me your number. This is Connor. 

4327658:  
We have to talk. Come tomorrow after school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that chapter!  
> Shoutout to ItS_COol_GuY for guessing what the cliffhanger was! 
> 
> I hope I don't disappoint with Connor's character in the future- I am very similar to Evan, and therefore have an easier time writing for him. But I will attempt to keep Connor very much in character, so don't you worry; there will be plenty of his wit and sarcasm! 
> 
> Till next time! 
> 
> And as always, thanks for reading! Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	7. Guys Like You And Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor have a long overdue chat.

Evan was petrified to say the least. He had no clue what to even say to Connor Murphy. But he feared a worse outcome if he didn’t go. He was already shaking by the time he got to the hospital, and when he finally stepped into Connor’s room it was like he was set on vibrate. 

“Hansen.” Connor greeted. “Sit down.” he nodded to the chair. 

Much like he had in the Principal’s Office that day, Evan sat but leaned away as far as he could, curling into himself. 

“So. I hear you’re dating my sister now. And you started a foundation named after me at school?” 

Somehow, Connor managed to look intimidating in a hospital gown, with tubes connected to him. 

“I’msosorry. I’msosorry!” Evan gasped out. 

“For what? Jesus, Hansen, calm down.” 

“You had my- my letter!” he managed to say. “In your pocket! When you-!” 

Connor cringed, and Evan again said “I’m sorry!” 

“I have a million questions. So I’ll start with; Was that letter actually just meant to freak me out?” 

“N-no! It was for my therapist. An assignment from him. It was supposed to motivate me, you know, ‘Dear Evan Hansen, today’s gonna be a good day, and here’s why:’” 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Dude. You suck at that, you know that?” 

Evan let out a snort laugh. “Yeah, I know. Well after that- that morning-” 

“When I pushed you.” Connor stated. 

“It’s- it’s okay! I just hadn’t had a great morning, and after- well, I knew things wouldn’t change.” 

“Fuck, man. I, uh, I didn’t mean for you to write such a shitty letter.” 

“I didn’t mean for that letter to lead you to-!” 

Connor’s glare silenced him. “It was just too real. And since you’ve been spending so much time with my family, I guess you can see how strained the relationships are there too.” 

Evan nodded. “But your mom really loves you, and your dad does too. And Zoe.” 

Connor laughed. “Took almost dying to show it.” 

Evan flinched. 

“So. How’d you get close to my family?” 

“Well, um, when they saw my letter they thought you wrote it to me, and we were friends. And when they talked to me about it and told me what happened, I- I had an anxiety attack, and-” 

“You have those a lot, don’t you?” Connor eyed him, noticing the shaking boy. 

“Sometimes. But they invited me to explain.” 

“Wish I coulda seen their disappointment when they found out I didn’t have friends.” he laughed. “But they liked you, huh?” 

“More like took pity on me.” Evan shook his head. 

“But you and my sister are dating?” 

Evan looked down at his shoes, fidgeting as he silently nodded. 

“Relax, I’m not gonna kill you.” Connor rolled his eyes, exasperated. 

Evan was confused. 

“I may not like it, but she could find a way worse guy. And you couldn’t hurt her even if you wanted to. And you seem to really like her. I assume that’s why she was mentioned in the letter?” 

Evan nodded. 

“Now, what the fuck is with the Connor Project?” 

“W-well, I felt like I had to do something- people weren’t paying attention, and they were forgetting you and that sui-suicide is a real problem. That people feel alone and lost enough to-” Evan whispered. 

There was a moment of silence. 

“You didn’t fall out of the tree, did you Hansen?” Connor’s voice asked knowingly. 

Evan’s head snapped up in surprise. 

“What?” he jumped. 

“You didn’t fall out of the tree, did you?” Connor repeated. 

“No, I- I did! I-” Evan saw he couldn’t lie. 

To his horror tears filled his eyes. “You can’t- Please-! I-” 

“Hansen.” Connor’s voice was more gentle, and if Evan wasn’t so panicked he would’ve been surprised to hear Connor Murphy like that. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” Connor said. 

“W-what?” Evan wiped his eyes. 

“As long as you don’t try again, and it doesn’t seem like you will, I won’t say anything.” 

“Thank you.” Evan whispered. 

“No problem, Hansen. So this is the obligatory part where I tell you if you hurt my sister, I will end you.” 

Evan nodded, beginning to feel a tad like a bobblehead. 

He got up to leave, but turned at the last second. “Uh, Connor?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You know how you said we could both pretend we have friends?” When you um signed my cast?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, um, if you needed- or um- wanted a real friend, well- um- you don’t have to pretend with me.” Evan stared at his shoes. 

Connor looked at him in surprise. “I’ll, uh, keep that in mind. Thanks, Hansen.” 

Evan offered a small wave and left the hospital, relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was a relatively short chapter. But never fear; more to come with Evan and Connor! Things will get pretty interesting now, and lots of drama will ensue! And please don't worry- Connor won't be as easy as he was this chapter; lots of his sarcasm and wit is sure to follow! He just has a lot of things to talk through first. 
> 
> And, as always,   
> Thanks for reading! Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	8. Pick A Spot And Shoot The Breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's recovery doesn't change things for Evan and Zoe yet, and Evan and Connor learn about each other.

News spread around the school that Connor Murphy had recovered, which naturally led to all kinds of gossip. Connor was kept on Suicide Watch for a few days after the hospital cleared him. 

Evan saw him quite a bit when he was with the Murphy's. 

The weekend after Connor had recovered, he was able to go home. There was never a more awkward dinner than the first night Connor was home, and large piece of Evan wanted to disappear. 

Luckily, Zoe gave him supportive smiles and occasionally held his hand under the table for reassurance. 

“Honey, do you really think you’ll be ready to go back to school on Monday?” Cynthia asked, worried. 

Connor shrugged. “Might as well get it over with. No matter when I go back I’ll still be the kid who tried and failed to kill himself.” he said bluntly. 

Cynthia cringed. “If it’s too soon it’s okay. And you could always switch schools if- Well, we don’t want to pressure you.” 

Connor snorted, amused. 

The rest of dinner passed the same way. 

After dinner, Evan went to Zoe’s room with her. 

They both laid on her bed, wanting to be closer, as they did homework. Evan helped quiz her for her Spanish test that was coming up. 

“Hey, Evan. I have an idea.” Zoe suddenly got a flirtatious look on her face. “How about every time I get an answer right, I get a kiss?” 

Evan blushed. 

“I mean, I need some motivation…” she said innocently. 

“Okay.” Evan nodded shyly, smiling. 

Evan quickly became very thankful Zoe was good at Spanish. 

Zoe had to initiate the kisses, but eventually Evan warmed up a bit and grew a bit bolder. 

When she had gotten her last conjugation correct, Evan swooped down and kissed her, his arms going around her waist to draw her in closer. 

Zoe moaned softly, sending a jolt of electricity through him. He gasped when the kiss deepened, and he felt Zoe’s tongue. 

“Z-Zoe” he gasped. “Your studying-” 

“Spanish can wait.” she waved him off, her voice husky. 

She leaned up to kiss him again and he gave in. He gently leaned her back until she was laying against the pillows, him over her. They lost track of time together, kissing and keeping each other close. 

Zoe sighed happily, cuddling closer to Evan. 

They spent the rest of the night sharing silly stories and quirky facts about themselves. Evan was surprised that his anxiety was almost non-existent, and he felt more comfortable and at ease than he had in a long time, there with Zoe in his arms. 

* * * * * 

The next day Evan was surprised when he got a text from Connor asking him to hang out. Evan knew immediately something was very wrong, and he accepted, allowing himself a little smile when Connor texted back seconds later, saying he was on his way. For the first time in a long time, Evan was glad his mother was called in to work; he didn’t want her freaking out over the fact that he had a “friend” who wasn’t really a friend. He didn’t think Connor would like that, and Evan couldn’t handle the pressure. 

Evan frowned when he thought about the last interaction he’d had with his mother. He’d seen her earlier the previous morning as she dashed to get ready and leave for work. She’d hurriedly asked how he was feeling, if he’d been writing his letters, and how school was. Then she’d left, telling him money was on the counter for dinner and promising she’d have a night off soon. 

A car beeping shook Evan from his thoughts. Connor’s car was in the driveway, and a second later Evan’s phone buzzed with a message, telling him that they were going out and to grab a coat and his wallet. 

Evan nervously obeyed and greeted Connor with a soft “Hi” as he slid into the car. 

“Hey, Hansen.” Connor seemed tense. 

“Where are we going?” Evan asked as Connor started backing out of the driveway. 

“That’s a surprise.” 

At Evan’s apprehensive expression, he sighed. “I’m not gonna kill you, Hansen. I just have to get out. And I-” he hesitated. “I didn’t feel safe alone.” 

“I’m glad you talked to me.” 

Evan was surprised when the car stopped by the closed orchard. 

“We’re breaking into the Orchards?” Evan asked nervously. 

“Well, I heard from Zoe that the Connor Project is attempting to raise money to reopen this place.” 

“Yeah. Your family has great insurance so the money wasn’t needed to pay your, uh, medical bills, and well I figured- I mean some people just need an escape, somewhere they can go- and when your parents told me about the Orchards- well, I really like trees and nature, so-” 

“Yeah, Zoe said trees were your thing.” Connor said. 

Evan’s head dropped. “They- uh, they’re strong. They have deep roots, and they stay where they are, but they constantly grow. They die in the winter and are able to grow their leaves back. They’re resilient. They provide the world with oxygen, and they make me feel a little bit smaller, but in a good, natural way...like all of the things that seem so big and important to me...aren’t. Trees would still be here.” 

“Damn. I thought you just liked that they were green and leafy.” Connor actually sounded impressed. 

The smaller boy shrugged. “I mean, they’re pretty too.” 

“Yeah, well, that’s why I brought you here.” Connor said. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. But we’re not exactly going into the orchard.” 

Now intrigued and feeling more comfortable after a lack of teasing from Connor about his tree rant, Evan was quick to follow him. 

Connor led him around the edge of the orchard and ducked into an almost hidden path in the woods. Suddenly they stumbled upon railroad tracks that were in the middle of a path in the woods. 

“Now, before you freak out on me, the answer is ‘No’. The trains don’t run here anymore. These are just old abandoned tracks.” Connor told him. 

Evan couldn’t help it; he jumped up and down like a child at Christmas. “Connor, it’s amazing!” 

And indeed, the sight was spectacular; the trees were changing color with the fall, and the truthfully dreary weather and crisp fall air almost created a fog, resulting in a mystic element of the nature surrounding them. The tracks seemed to go on for forever in both directions.

“I walk up and down these tracks all the time.” 

“I can see why!” Evan’s eyes were shining, and he had such a strong sense of excitement that he was almost quivering with joy. “Can we?”

“Well, that’s what I was hoping.” Connor smirked. 

Evan gleefully fell into step beside the taller boy. 

For a few minutes Connor listened to Evan tell him which trees were which, and what caused some to turn yellow or orange, and others red. Evan kept apologizing for talking so much, but Connor shrugged and thanked him for the distraction. 

Finally they lapsed into a comfortable silence, both enjoying the fresh air, scenery and each other’s presence. 

Finally Evan timidly asked “What happened?” 

Connor didn’t respond, and just as Evan was beginning to worry he’d overstepped some boundaries, Connor finally spoke.

“They were fighting over me going to therapy again. My father doesn’t believe in therapy. The first time I attempted suicide he said it was just me trying to get attention. My mom wanted to put me in therapy then, but my dad put his foot down. Now he’s starting to agree with her, but his pride is in the way, and he doesn’t know what to do. Mom brought up the fact that not getting therapy for me clearly didn’t help, and basically blamed him for...everything, and he went off.” 

Evan stayed silent, just letting Connor talk. 

“I mean, it’s ridiculous. They talk like I’m not even there. And because I’m not getting help, I’m so messed up. I ruined my relationship with my sister, who used to be my best friend, and I don’t have the heart to tell her how badly I want help. I know she hates me mostly because she thinks I “refuse” to get help, not because of all the shitty things I’ve done.” he spit out the words. “At school, I’m just the ‘School Shooter’. I guess I just really do feel lost, like you said.” 

Evan nodded, taking all the information in. 

“And now I’m making a fool out of myself telling all my troubles to the school outcast.” he rolled his eyes, then winced when he realized how they sounded. “I didn’t mean it that way, it’s just...I guess I’m not used to talking to someone who...understands. It feels...weird, but...good.” 

Cautiously, Evan raised his hand and laid it on Connor’s shoulder, a silent gesture of support. 

Connor immediately relaxed, letting out a deep breath. 

There was more silence, and finally Evan said “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry Jared said that to you.” 

“Don’t apologize for Kleinman. That’s his issue.” 

“Still, it wasn’t right, and I-I should have said something.” 

Connor shrugged. “I was in such a bad place, I still probably would’ve pushed you. Said you were mocking me or something.” 

“I can understand that.” Evan’s voice was soft. 

“Yeah. If you don’t mind me asking...why-?” he stopped, but Evan understood. 

“Well, I uh, have a lot of anxiety as you can tell, but- but I know how fucked up I really am. My own father didn’t want me enough to stick around, and now he has a new “perfect” family, and my mom is great but she’s so busy working that she’s not really around. I’m nothing but a financial burden to her, a problem child. And the only person who would talk to me at school before your sister was Jared, and he only talks to me because if he didn’t his parents wouldn’t pay his car insurance. I um worked at Ellison State Park this last summer, and, um, one day when I was on break I was feeling pretty crappy, and I decided to climb a tree, because, well, I thought things wouldn’t wouldn’t look and seem so bad from up so high. And I got up really high, but one of the branches broke, and as I sat there, I realized how no one would probably notice if I just disappeared. Everyone would be better off if I wasn’t here, and so I made my way closer to the edge of the branch I was sitting on, and when it finally broke, I caught onto another one as like a reflex, and I just...let go. Funny thing is, I laid there with my arm broken for ten minutes, waiting for someone to find me, thinking “Any minute now, someone will come. And-and no one did. So I finally had to to find my boss, who drove me to the hospital.” 

“Shit, man. That sucks. I’m sorry.” 

Evan shrugged, giving his new friend a small smile. 

“I’m still here, and that’s how it is for now. I want to be better. I guess we have that in common.” 

Connor nodded. “Yeah.” 

They lapsed into another silence before Connor spoke. 

“I know this is kind of awkward, but- um, would you maybe let me drive you to school tomorrow?” 

Evan looked at him curiously. 

“I just don’t think I can walk in there alone, you know, face all the stares and whispers.” 

Evan nodded. “I uh really think you’re so brave. I- I wouldn’t be able to go back to that kind of attention.” 

“That’s the good thing about people thinking you don’t give a fuck. You just act tough and dangerous, and like nothing bothers you until you’re alone. That way they mostly leave you alone, and no one’s the wiser.” 

“But doesn’t that end up with you feeling just as lonely as I do?” Evan inquired. 

Connor shrugged. “Better alone than in front of people. “

“Well it doesn’t have to be that way now. You have one person who will listen.” Evan shyly informed him, taking another deep breath and focusing on the sound of leaves crunching under his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers! Hope you enjoyed that update!  
> A couple of things: 
> 
> 1\. I want to bring it to attention that this is not a Romantic TreeBros Fic. I don't want people to be disappointed further down the road. There will be plenty on their friendship and their relationship, but I personally love how Evan and Zoe fit. Sorry if I disappoint some people there.
> 
> 2\. I know that in most DEH fics, Connor and Evan's spot is the Orchard, but for this story I'm also using a personal place for me- last Spring my two good friends brought me to the train tracks I described and it became my happy, safe place and it saved me, so please forgive me for adding that personal touch into the story; I promise the Orchard will be there and will also play an important part of the story.
> 
> 3\. I'm currently in Florida, and as such, we are preparing to get hit by the hurricane. If I don't update for a few days, it is because I have lost power. But I will be writing more so I can try to update as frequently as I can. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	9. Watching People Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan experience a bump in the road, Evan is a sensitive cinnamon roll, Zoe is protective, and Heidi and Jared are trying so hard.

Evan woke up on Monday feeling nauseous, he was so nervous on Connor’s behalf.

When he walked into the kitchen, he was surprised to find his mother was there. 

“Morning, sweetie!” she greeted brightly. 

“Hi, Mom.” Evan smiled. 

“Did you sleep well?” 

“Kinda.”

She frowned. “Are your meds not helping with that anymore?” 

“No, they work okay.” Evan was quick to calm her worries. 

“Good. And you’ve been writing your letters?” 

“Yes, Mom.” 

“Good. Hey, guess what? I bagged my shift tomorrow night. When’s the last time we did a Taco Tuesday?” she gave him a smile.

“Oh. You didn’t have to.” 

“But I’ve barely seen you. Maybe we could even start brainstorming those essay questions together…” she trailed off. 

Evan tried not to cringe at the reminder of the college scholarship essays his mother had given him to look at. Just the thought filled him with anxiety and made him want to hide. But at the same time, it had been so long since he got to spend any quality time with his Mom, and the idea of Taco Tuesday did seem tempting. 

“That would be great.” 

A wide grin spread across her face, but she seemed surprised at his easy acceptance as she faltered awkwardly for a moment.“Oh. That’s exciting. I’m excited now. Something to look forward to.” 

“Me too.” Evan smiled. 

“I’ll probably still be at work when you get to sleep, but I might see you tomorrow morning before I go in, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

"Was Jared still going to come over tonight?" she asked. 

"Yeah, I think so." Evan nodded. 

"Good! I'm glad that you'll have some company tonight." she smiled awkwardly. 

"Yeah, it'll be great." Evan agreed. 

There was a moment of silence before she gently picked up the bottle on his bedside table. “Are you okay on refills?”

“Yes.” 

“Okay. Well. Have a good day. Have fun with Jared tonight. And don’t stay up too late tonight, okay?” 

“I won’t.” 

“I love you.” she smiled. 

“I love you too.” 

He quickly grabbed his bag when he saw Connor’s car pull into the driveway, not wanting his mom to ask any questions. He slid into the backseat as indicated by Connor. He was surprised to find Zoe in the back seat. 

“H-hi.” He greeted. 

“I’m here to make sure my brother is nice to you.” she said simply as he sat down. 

Connor groaned. “I pushed him once Zoe. And I apologized!” 

“Well, forgive me for being protective of him after that.” she said sarcastically. “He is my boyfriend after all.” 

Evan felt his heart soar at her words. 

“It’s really okay, Zoe.” he assured her, taking her hand in his. 

Zoe shrugged. “Connor just has to give me a ride home now, that’s all.” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “So now I’m a chauffeur, huh?” 

“Yup.” Zoe nodded. 

The ride was mostly silent, with Zoe cuddling against Evan’s chest, almost dozing. 

When they pulled up at the school, Evan could see Connor’s shoulders and jaw tense up. 

Zoe quickly grabbed her backpack and rushed to her first class, giving a quick peck on Evan’s cheek and a quick “Goodbye!” to both of the boys. 

Connor remained in the car, not moving. Evan hesitantly laid a hand on his shoulder. 

“Um, Connor? You don’t- you don’t have to do this.” he reminded the taller boy. 

Connor let out a shaky breath. “Have to at some point, right? Might as well get it over with.” 

Evan stayed silent, knowing nothing he said would help Connor. He just sat with him for a few minutes, unwilling to let him be alone. 

Suddenly, Connor was in movement. He quickly grabbed his bag and got out of the car, almost before Evan could register what was happening. 

He rushed to catch up to the taller boy, fumbling with his backpack and broken arm. 

“What-?” 

“Better to just rip the bandaid off. If I don’t do it now, I won’t do it period. Besides, it doesn’t matter.” Connor only turned around to lock his car. 

But he paused when he reached the doors into the school. Exhaling sharply, he turned the handle and walked into the school. 

* * * * * 

Immediately upon entering the hallway, Evan could feel thousands of pairs of eyes focused in his direction, and he had to remind himself that it was Connor they were looking at, not him. Even so, his heart started to race. He felt Connor stiffen beside him, but a second later the taller boy squared his shoulders and continued making his way towards his locker, his head held high. Evan followed, amazed that Connor was able to ignore all the stares and whispers, sweeping past them with his usual saunter. 

Finally they arrived at Connor’s locker, and he flung it open loudly, making Evan cringe. Connor switched out a few of his books as across the hall a group of students began to whisper and point. 

Finally Connor looked up at them. 

“What? Surprised at the lack of slit wrists?” he raised an eyebrow. 

The group of students immediately went wide-eyed, stammering excuses and apologies as they rushed off. 

Connor sighed, and turned back to his locker, Evan awkwardly remaining next to him. 

“Um, did you- did you take that picture?” he finally asked, pointing to the picture that was hanging up inside Connor’s locker. 

The taller boy shrugged. “Yeah.” 

The picture was the underneath of a large concrete bridge in the middle of the woods. Graffiti covered the concrete, but Evan focused on what was on the other side of the bridge. Fog almost obscured the trees, and made the train tracks that were going through the middle look as if they disappeared. 

“Are those the tracks?” he asked dumbly. 

Connor snorted. “Yeah. We didn’t get down that far yesterday. It’s about a forty five minutes down the tracks.”

“Wow it’s, um, it’s really beautiful. You’re a really good photographer.” Evan said. “I’d like to see it, sometime, if you’d- you know, you’d be up for it.” 

“Sure. Whatever you want.” Connor shrugged. 

Evan looked down, worried he’d been too pushy. “I should, um, get to class.” he turned. 

“Catch you later, Hansen.” Connor sauntered off again. 

Evan didn’t see him again until lunch, when he saw Connor walking out of the school as he made his way towards the cafeteria. 

Immediately he followed the long-haired boy, concerned. 

“Connor!” he yelled, catching up to him on the steps outside. 

“What is it, Hansen?” Connor seemed to be agitated. 

“Are you- are you okay?” Evan asked lamely. 

“Yeah. Just swell.” 

“Well, where-? You have lunch, right? Where were you, where were you going?” Evan stammered. 

“To my car. I don’t need a babysitter, Hansen. I don’t need you to follow me around like a nurse.” he glared. 

“That’s not what I was-”

“Just leave it, Evan!” Connor spat, actually using Evan’s first name. “We’re not friends! So stop acting like you’re my parent!” 

Evan stood frozen in shock. Both boys were shaking; Connor with rage, Evan with fear. 

“I’m- I’m sorry, I should’ve never been pushy, I’ll just-” Evan turned away. 

“Shit. Hansen, I-” 

But Evan was already running away. He just needed to put as much distance between himself and Connor as he could. 

“Evan?” 

Evan’s heart leaped when he heard his girlfriend’s voice.

“Are you alright?” she asked. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I- why wouldn’t I be?” 

“You seem a little frazzled…” Zoe gave a soft laugh. 

“I’m- I’m good, really.” 

“Okay…” Zoe didn’t sound like she believed him, but luckily she let it slide. “What are you doing tonight or tomorrow night?” 

“Jared is coming over tonight, actually. And my Mom actually got a night off for tomorrow and we’re having Taco Tuesday.” Evan told her. 

“Oh. Okay.” Zoe looked a bit disappointed. 

“I can cancel with Jared, I don’t think he really likes hanging out with me anyway-” he went to say. 

“No, it’s alright. I’ll just have to survive a few nights without you. But maybe we could have a date night Wednesday night?” she gave him a sweet smile. 

Evan nodded, giving her a smile. “I’d like that.” 

“Also, do you want a ride home today after school? Since we drove you here this morning?” 

Evan immediately tensed up at the thought of being in the same space as Connor again so soon. 

“No!” he said a little too quickly. Then he stumbled to correct himself. “Um, I think I’m just hitching a ride with Jared. But thank you so much.” 

“...Okay...” Zoe looked confused. “Well, text me later?” 

“Of course.” Evan nodded. “Bye, Zoe.” he gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to find Jared. Now he had to beg for a ride home. 

* * * * * 

“Did you learn nothing from your first interaction with Connor Murphy?” Jared asked Evan flatly as they drove to Evan’s house after school. 

“But when we went for a walk, he was-” 

“That doesn’t mean anything! He’s still the person who pushed you on the first day of school! And threw a printer at a teacher in the second grade! He’s crazy, man. I know you’re trying to be all noble and shit, but don’t start thinking he’s gonna become a teddy bear and you’re gonna become best friends, okay? As your family friend I can’t let you get that delusional.” 

“I mean, maybe we could? Stranger things have happened.” Evan said softly. 

Jared snorted. “Right. Like you dating Zoe Murphy. I’m just warning you now, man. You’re wasting your time on him.” he frowned. Jared remained in a somewhat pissy mood when they arrived at Evan’s house and got through some homework, but he finally brightened when they sat on the couch with snacks, playing video games. Connor didn’t come up in conversation again, and Evan was content to watch Jared win at every game they played. Jared whined that he was sick of pizza and   
convinced Evan to go with Chinese food, promising he’d call and answer the door, which Evan gratefully agreed to. 

“Your mom is the best!” Jared said through a mouthful of orange chicken, groaning appreciatively. 

“Yeah.” Evan nodded. 

“I mean, she just left money there so you could get whatever you wanted!” Jared shoveled some fried rice into his mouth. “I wish my mom would do that!” 

Evan shrugged. “I think it’s just cause she feels guilty she’s never here.” 

“Woah...do I detect some bitterness there?” 

Immediately Evan felt guilty. “No. I just wish I saw her more often.” 

“Yeah, Heidi is pretty cool. If my mom was that cool I probably wouldn't mind spending time with her either. I’m sorry, man.” 

Evan shook his head. “It’s okay- she took tomorrow night off so we can have Taco Tuesday.”

“Well that’s good!” Jared scrolled through his phone as he continued to chow down on the Chinese food. 

“Yeah, I’m excited.” Evan admitted. “I need a night with her after everything, with Connor waking up and how confusing it is.” 

Jared rolled his eyes. 

“Anyway, you ready for me to kick your ass at Mario Kart?” Jared smirked. 

“Sure.” Evan rolled his eyes. 

With Jared’s help, Evan was able to distract himself from his small fear that he’d lost a friend before they could even get close, unaware of the fact that in the Murphy household, Connor was fearing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I survived the hurricane, so in celebration, here's an update!   
> Hope you enjoy it! Two steps forward, one step back for Connor and Evan, huh? Poor boys...  
> Any ideas as to what's up with Jared? ;) Lemme know what you guys think! I really want to make good content that people want to read. 
> 
> Thanks for being patient and reading, guys! Stay safe and happy, friends! :) <3


	10. We Have To Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taco night takes an unexpected turn Part 1 of 2.

The next day Evan took the bus as usual, having turned down Zoe’s invitation of a ride. He felt embarrassed by his lack of a license, but his anxiety kept him from feeling comfortable driving. He went about his day as usual, trying to keep out of people’s way. He sat at the corner of a table in the cafeteria as usual, away from everyone. Jared didn’t sit with him today, opting to sit with a few other kids from his computer class instead, which was just as well.

Evan pulled out his lunch of carrots and hummus, nibbling at it half-heartedly. He decided he wasn’t hungry, and so he put it back in the brown paper bag and started off for his locker.

On the way he passed Connor, who looked up just in time to catch Evan’s eye. Evan gave him a little smile and nod and quickly averted his gaze. He wanted to give Connor some space; he’d been thinking about what Connor had said, and he’d come to the conclusion that Connor was kind of right; they didn’t know each other that well yet, and Evan didn’t really have any right to act so clingy. Evan wouldn’t be able to handle having so many people staring at and whispering about him, so he couldn’t blame Connor for being on edge. 

He got through the rest of his classes, regretting not really eating lunch when his stomach began to growl. He would certainly be ready for tacos when he got home. That thought cheered him up a bit, and when he got home he could already smell the taco meat cooking, making his mouth water. 

“I’m home!” he called happily, dropping his bag and slipping off his shoes. 

He went into the kitchen to find his mom in her scrubs, cooking. 

“Hi, honey!” she gave him a strained smile. “Did you have a good day?” 

Evan shrugged. Feeling uncharacteristically cuddly, he wrapped his arms around his mom. 

She froze for a second in shock, then wrapped her arms around him, embracing him tightly. Evan let the warmth of his mother’s hug and her scent fill his senses, and a dopey grin came to his face. 

“Are you alright, Sweetheart?” she asked in concern, kissing the top of his forehead. 

“Yeah.” Evan nodded, not letting go of the embrace. “Just really glad to see you.” he told her simply.

“I’m glad, honey.” she smiled. 

“It already smells great.” Evan loved it when his mother was able to cook- Heidi Hansen had a secret talent for cooking, but she rarely had the time for it. 

She smiled at him, but Evan noticed it was strained. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. His mother dropped the embrace, and Evan got a funny feeling. 

“Yeah, it’s just....Evan, I have to go into work tonight. Someone had an emergency and they need me to cover for them, so I have to leave in a few minutes.” she sighed. 

Evan’s smile dropped. “Oh. Okay.” 

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’ve made everything for the tacos now, so you can still have them. And tonight you can go ahead and look at the questions without me. And then if you have any ideas you can email me, and I can write back with any ideas I have....That’s better anyway, isn’t it? That way you can really take your time?”

“No, yeah. For sure.” Evan stooped to pick up his bag. 

“We can have dinner and brainstorm another night, Evan. We can do tomorrow night. How about tomorrow night?” 

“I can’t tomorrow. I have...I’m busy.” 

“Shit. I’m late.” Heidi sighed, looking at her watch.

“You should go.” Evan turned around to go upstairs to his room. 

“No, let’s figure this out.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Evan-” she went to follow him. 

“I’ll look at the questions myself.” he told her a little sharply, turning away from her, disappointment and anger burning in his chest. 

* * * * * 

Having gotten his homework done in study, Evan did as he said he would and looked through the questions. He jotted down some ideas, but only felt confident about a few. Finally he gave up, shoving them onto his bedside table, not wanting to think about it anymore. He still had a bitter taste in his mouth from his conversation with his mom. He hadn’t meant to get short with her, but he was just so disappointed. Evan understood how hard she worked to provide for them, and how much she loved him. But sometimes he just wanted some attention and affection from her, to spend time with her. She had seen him so little, especially since school started, and though he felt guilty for feeling a little angry at her, he couldn’t help his disappointment that she’d cancelled the night they actually had plans. 

Evan got antsy. He didn’t want to sit there angry the rest of the night, so he decided to walk to the Murphys. 

He knocked on the door hesitantly. 

“Evan! Hi!” Cynthia greeted him warmly. 

“Hi, Mrs. Murphy, I just- I’m sorry for just showing up, I-” 

“Don’t be silly! You’re always welcome here! You’re practically family! Come on in!” she ushered him inside, asking about how he was doing. “Were you looking for Zoe, honey?” she asked. 

Evan nodded. 

“Zoe actually just left a little bit ago to go to the mall with a friend.” she told him apologetically. 

“Oh, that’s okay.” Evan shook his head. “I just thought I’d swing by to see-” 

“Hansen?” 

Evan turned towards Connor’s voice. 

“Uh, hi Connor.” Evan gave the boy a little wave. 

“I was just, uh, about to leave-” Connor started. 

“Where were you going?” Cynthia asked her son, motherly instinct kicking in. 

“I was just going to go on a walk.” Connor looked at Evan meaningfully. “Do you wanna come?” 

“Oh, uh, sure.” Evan nodded. 

“That make me glad you’ll have someone with you- it’s safer that way. You two boys be safe and have fun, okay?” Cynthia told them. “I’m glad you stopped by, Evan.” she gave him a hug, and Evan gladly returned it. The motherly affection was exactly what he needed after the fiasco with his real mother. Cynthia walked over to her son next. “Make sure you bring a jacket, please? It’s chilly outside.” she told him, hesitantly laying a hand on his shoulder, then tucking his hair behind his ear. 

Connor nodded. He cleared his throat before saying uncertainly “Uh, yeah... Thanks, Mom.” 

He threw a faded brown leather jacket on and then indicated for Evan to follow him. 

Giving a wave goodbye to Mrs. Murphy, Evan followed Connor out of the house. 

Twenty minutes later Evan and Connor were on the tracks. Neither had said a word, and Evan was about to burst he was so anxious over the silence. 

“So what’s wrong?” Connor finally asked. 

Evan shook his head. 

“Don’t want to talk about it?” 

Evan sighed. “My mom bailed on our dinner plans because she was called into work. Again. She always has to work, and I understand she’s doing it to support me, but it just- it feels like she never has time for me anymore.” 

“That sucks, man.” 

Evan shrugged. “It’s not important. I’m- I’m not important.” 

After a moment, Connor said. “Hey, Hansen. I uh, I wanted to say I was- What I did the other day was really shitty. You were just trying to be nice, and as usual I fucked everything up.” 

Evan cut in. “No, you were totally right. We don’t know each other that well, and I can’t even imagine how much you were going through that day- if everyone was staring and whispering about me I think I’d die. You were totally justified in being on edge. I’m just sorry I played a part in your frustration.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m really trying hard to manage my anger, express my feelings in a “healthy way”.” Connor said sarcastically. “I don’t want my family to be scared of me anymore.” 

“That’s- that’s good.” 

Connor shrugged. “My mom put her foot down, and I’m in therapy now.” 

“Well I hope it helps.” 

“Yeah.” Connor said uncomfortably. “Anyway, it sucks about your mom...” 

Evan stayed silent. 

“I hope you’re okay with me dragging you out here. It just seemed like you were about to lose it, you seemed upset, and since Zoe wasn’t there to help-” 

“No, in all honestly, this is the best place I could be. Nature really calms me down, so…” 

“You said trees especially, right?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“Perfect- then you’ll love where we’re going now.” 

After a while they walked past the bridge Connor had photographed. 

“Wow, Connor, this is so cool!” Evan exclaimed. “Your photo actually does it justice!” 

“Thanks.” Connor looked away. “It’s what I want to do some day. I love capturing moments- photographing or filming things.” 

“You’re amazing at it, I can see why.” Evan told him honestly. 

“My father thinks it’s stupid. He wishes I was a normal teenager who wanted to play sports and hit on girls. But I’m just not that guy. He’s always been disappointed about that.”

“I’m sorry.” Evan didn’t know what to say. 

“It’s whatever. It’s just… God, I can’t believe I’m telling this to Evan Hansen of all people...I’m gay. And I know my father would never accept that, and it would ruin my family and tear it apart. I’m a gay photographer and filmer, I don’t fit the straight white jock stereotype my father so desperately wants me to.” Connor’s voice was bitter, and both boys lapsed into a silence. 

“I always thought I was the reason my father left us.” Evan offered. “He never dealt with my issues well, I guess. My parents would fight constantly. But I always wondered if I was normal if their relationship would have been so strained. If he’d bother to really keep in touch and be involved in my life. I know it’s not the same as having a father who’s hard on you and wants you to change, but I can understand feeling like a disappointment to your family. But it’s not my fault I have anxiety, and it’s not your fault you’re gay.” 

Connor nodded his thanks. 

“Oh, we’re here!” he brightened a little. He ducked under a large tree, sweeping the branch aside, indicating for Evan to follow. 

On a newly revealed hidden trail in the woods, Connor led Evan about ten minutes down the path. 

“Welcome to the Orchards.” he grinned, spreading his arms out in a “Ta da” gesture. 

Evan gasped. Even though it was getting darker, the Orchards were still lit by the beautiful orange and pink sunset. 

“Connor!” Evan jumped up and down, clapping excitedly. 

Connor laughed as Evan immediately ran over to the tallest tree. He reached up to grab onto a branch to climb the tree, but fumbled with his cast. 

“Hansen, you can’t climb trees with your cast.” Connor rolled his eyes, joining him. 

Evan pouted and plopped down on the grass right underneath the trees, leaning against the trunk. 

“It’s so beautiful here!” he marveled, looking around at the trees. 

“And it’s quiet. No one ever comes here.” his friend agreed. 

The two boys sat and watched the sun set and the clouds go by, talking about nothing and everything all at once. They talked about what kinds of music they liked, and what they wanted to do after high school. Connor wanted to go to school for film, and Evan wanted to continue studying nature and hopefully work on conservation projects. 

Suddenly Evan’s phone started buzzing, and he looked down to see he had a call from Zoe. 

“It’s your sister.” he told Connor before answering. “Hi, Zoe.” 

“Hey! I just heard you stopped by earlier looking for me...Mom said you looked a little sad. What happened to taco night with your mother?” 

“She, uh, cancelled.” 

Zoe sighed. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s- it’s okay. I’m actually with Connor right now.” 

“Yeah. My mom told me. Where are you guys?” 

Connor, overhearing his sister, said loudly “None of your business!” 

“Fuck you, Connor.” Zoe said calmly. “Evan, where are you? I want to see you.” 

Connor shook his head, but Evan shot him an apologetic glance before saying “We’re at the orchards.” 

“Okay, I’ll be there in like 10 minutes.” she told them. “See you then.” 

When they hung up, Evan immediately received a punch to the arm. 

“Ouch!” 

“Serves you right, man! Why the hell did you invite my sister? She’s just gonna mess this all up! She hates me.” 

“She doesn’t- she doesn’t hate you.” Evan shook his head. “And maybe if you spend more time together you guys could reconnect?” 

Connor snorted. “I wouldn’t hold your breath.” 

“Well if you never try, there’s no chance.” Evan pointed out softly, and Connor groaned. 

“Well, if this is gonna happen…” he rummaged through his bag and drew out a rolled cigarette. 

Evan eyed him cautiously.

“Hansen, relax, I’m just gonna smoke this one to take the edge off. It’s just weed, nothing else. I’ll be fine by the time we drive home.” 

Evan wisely kept his mouth shut. 

“Do you want a hit?” 

Evan shook his head. “No, but, uh, thanks, I guess?” 

Evan leaned back against the trunk of the tree, taking in the smell of the nature all around him, and willing the tree to give him some of its strength. 

“Evan? Connor?” 

Evan stood up when he heard Zoe calling them. 

“Over here!” he waved his girlfriend over. 

“Hi!” Zoe said brightly, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. But then her smile faded and she took his hand. “I’m sorry about your mom, Evan. I know you really were looking forward to tonight.” 

“It’s okay.” Evan told her softly, squeezing her hand. 

“Uh, hey, Zo.” Connor greeted awkwardly. 

“Hi, Conman.” she responded. “So, what were you guys doing here?” 

“Just talking.” Connor said. “Uh, how’d you get in here?” 

Zoe shrugged. 

“We slipped through a crack in the fence.” 

Connor actually looked impressed. “Damn, sis, didn’t think you had it in you.” 

Zoe smirked. 

But Evan was focused on what she said. “Who’s ‘we’?” he asked. 

“Oh, me and Alana.” Zoe said. “She just had to take a call, she’ll be here any second now.” 

“Y- you were with Alana tonight?” 

Zoe nodded. “Yeah, she uh...wanted to talk to me about the Connor Project....” she said cautiously, eyeing her brother. He stiffened. 

“Hi, guys!” Alana greeted as she walked up to the group. 

“H-hi, Alana.” Evan gave a little wave. “How are you?” 

“Oh, I’m great actually! I got a lot of stuff done today and I feel much more prepared for the things coming up for the Connor Project and my classes. What were you guys doing here? It’s beautiful…” Alana looked around. 

“We were just walking around and talking-” Connor said evasively. 

“That’s really good! My mom says walking is the best stress reliever there is, because of all the changes that happen physically in your body!” 

“Well, mind if we join you guys?” Zoe asked, looking amused. 

“Not like we have much of a choice- you all are already here.” Connor grumbled, already setting off walking. 

The others fell in behind him. They all chatted as they just wandered around, Alana mostly discussing school and academics, Zoe telling silly stories about times with friends, Connor remaining mostly silent but occasionally offering a sarcastic or witty retort, and Evan of course spouting off an occasional botany fact. Evan was careful not to get too close to Zoe. While he liked Alana, he also knew she was the school gossip, and if she figured out Zoe and Evan were dating, he was sure the whole school would know in a matter of minutes. Evan didn’t think he could handle that. Eventually, everyone loosened up from the slight awkwardness of the unusual group, and they began to start ranting about the most hated teachers in the school, such as the grumpy lunch lady and the creepy janitor.  
Connor had a few select words to say about Mr. Boisvere, the Gym Teacher, and his ranting was so funny and he was on such a roll that he had everyone in stitches they were laughing so hard. 

“The idiot doesn’t think anyone knows about his toupee. But how stupid can you be?! Almost every class he takes you outside and it just flaps in the breeze for everyone to see! How does he not feel it?! And what does he use, Elmer’s Glue? He’s just the most clueless guy on the planet. And he wonders why no one can take him seriously!” 

They found a flatter area of grass that gave the perfect view of the stars, now that the sun had completely set, and so they all plopped down on the ground and lay down. 

Evan’s phone buzzed again and he checked it. 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Dude wtf you’re hanging out with Connor, Zoe, and Alana?

Evan Hansen:  
How did you know that? 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Zoe was snapchatting Connor’s hilarious rant about Mr. B. But back to the matter at hand: WTF?!

Evan Hansen:  
I don’t know, it just happened! 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Why the fuck wasn’t I invited? 

Evan Hansen:  
Because it was not a planned thing? And you don’t like Connor, remember? 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Details, details. I feel offended that you wouldn’t invite your only friend to a party. 

Evan Hansen:  
It’s not a party! 

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman:  
Yeah, cause I’m not there. 

But Alana looked over Evan’s shoulder. 

“Oh, good! You’re texting Jared!” she exclaimed. “I was just about to call him and tell him to come join us! I actually wanted to talk about The Connor Project with you guys.” she said to Connor and Zoe. “And I’d like the three of us who started it to the be there!” 

“No. No way.” Connor shook his head. “I’m not dealing with Kleinman, and I am DEFINITELY not talking about The Connor Project.” 

“Well too bad. I’m not gonna force you to do anything, I just want to ask you your opinions and talk about it. Please?” Alana begged. 

When he didn’t respond Zoe tried to reason with her brother. “You should at least hear her out.” 

“Oh good!” Alana clapped, looking at her phone. “Jared is on the way! It’ll hopefully be the first meeting of the whole Connor Project Committee!” 

Evan was realized this night was about to take a major and eventful turn, and attempted to brace himself. 

Next to him, Connor sighed. “I am definitely not high enough for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I've been super busy the past few days, and I finally reached the end of the stuff I had already had written over the summer, so now I have to write more, which is super exciting but time consuming!  
> I can't believe this fic already has 10 Chapters!  
> As I've run out of the pre-written stuff, please let me know if this is worth continuing...I really want to make sure I'm putting out good content that you guys are interested in!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this update. Thank you SO much for reading! 
> 
> Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	11. For Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new group is formed, and plans are made.

“What’s up, losers?” was the greeting they all received when Jared arrived. “What are you all doing here of all places?” 

“Well, it WAS supposed to be just Hansen and I taking a walk, and apparently it’s turned into a “invite yourself” event.” Connor muttered. 

“That sounds gay.” Jared told him flatly. 

Connor sneered and stepped forward threateningly, while Evan turned red and began to sputter. 

“Relax, Murphy.” Jared rolled his eyes. “I only came cause Miss Coordinator here told me there was gonna be an important meeting.” 

“Speaking of which!” Alana said brightly. “Let’s all come over here!” 

She led them over to a small rock wall by the edge of the orchard. 

She sat down and indicated for them all to follow suit. 

“Alright. So as all of you know, the Connor Project is raising money to reopen this place and restore it to it’s former glory.” she began brightly. “And for a while people were really invested in it. But now no one is listening. And I think what we need is-” she hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath.“You.” she finished, looking up at Connor. 

“No way.” Connor said flatly. 

“Connor-” Zoe started. 

“No! I don’t want anything to do with this stupid project! Sorry, Evan. I understand it came from a good place, but, I just can’t. I’m not that guy.” 

Evan surprised everyone, however, when he exploded. 

“But Connor, you’re the one who could make everyone listen! The Connor Project is about you, sure, but it’s also about anyone who’s ever felt lost and alone enough to-” he stopped. “Like it or not, people will listen to you about this! You have the power to make a difference and help make sure that people who feel like you did have somewhere to go and someone to talk to. And that’s more important than anything. That’s more important than you, me...all of us!” 

Everyone stared at Evan with wide eyes and open mouths, shocked at his outburst. 

“Damn, Evan, looks like you lost your stutter!” Jared teased. 

Zoe elbowed Jared roughly, glaring at him. 

“That’s exactly what The Connor Project means.” Alana agreed. “So, Connor, will you please at least be a part of it?” 

Connor sighed. “Fine. But I’m not doing a speech in front of the whole damn school or anything like that.” 

“That’s okay!” Alana said, clapping excitedly. “I actually was hoping I could get some of your thoughts and put out a pamphlet and blog for starters. Get the conversation going again, gain interest.” she began to sound business-like. 

Zoe tentatively laid a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “I’m really proud of you, Connor.” she told him softly. 

Connor stiffened for a moment, before he relaxed, letting out a deep breath. Evan noticed he looked...lighter. Lighter and less burdened than he'd ever seen him. All from one simple supportive sentence from his sister. Evan made a pact to himself that he would help the siblings reconnect. It was clear they both wanted to repair the relationship that had been lost but didn't know how. He vowed to help them. 

But Alana was still rambling. “Zoe, I was also hoping you’d join your brother? People would love to hear from you too, and-” 

“She’ll do it.” Connor said loudly before Zoe could say anything. 

“Connor! I never sai-” Zoe began to protest. 

“If I’m doing this, you are too.” he told her. 

“I was gonna say yes anyway, you idiot.” she rolled her eyes. To Alana she said “I’d love to.” 

“Perfect! Oh, this is so exciting! The Connor Project is gonna make such a difference! Thank you, Evan, for starting this.” 

Evan blushed, looking down. 

Connor raised his hand sarcastically. “I’ve got a question.” 

“Yes, Connor?” Alana sounded like a teacher, and Connor rolled his eyes. 

“Can we change the name?” 

They all stared at him, and he frowned. 

“I mean, you said it yourself this isn’t just about me, this is about everyone. I don’t think it should be just named after me, especially since I didn’t die.” 

“I think Evan should make that choice.” Zoe offered. 

Everyone nodded their agreement and looked at Evan expectantly. 

“I- I don’t need to name it!” he protested. 

“You came up with the idea, Evan. It’s only fair.” Alana said. 

“Um, how about the….You Will Be Found Foundation?” he said slowly, his voice soft. 

“I love it.” Zoe smiled. 

“It’s perfect!” Alana exclaimed. 

“It does have a ring to it.” Jared admitted. 

“It’s better than the Connor Project.” Connor said flatly. 

“So it’s settled!” Alana announced happily. “We are the committee for the You Will Be Found Foundation! Now the first thing I think we should do is-” 

“Party!” Jared leapt to his feet. 

“No, we need to sit down and really discuss plans!” Alana shook her head. 

“And then party!” Jared insisted. 

Alana sighed. “Well, how about this weekend after school on Friday we meet up and start making plans and then after our work is over-” she stressed that bit. “We can party.” 

“YES!” Jared cheered. 

“Sure!” Zoe smiled. 

“Um, I- I guess.” Evan nodded with prompting from Zoe’s supportive glance. 

“I have no real excuse not to, so I’d be dragged anyway.” Connor shrugged. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Alana beamed. 

The group of five looked around at each other, suddenly smiling. There was a sense of excitement and anticipation in the air even though some tried to hide it.   
Evan thought that taco Tuesday had turned out pretty well after all, and was surprised that it seemed like he’d possibly just found an actual group of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will this party be like do you think? ;)
> 
> Sorry this update is pretty short- the next one will be super long and eventful, and I didn't want to combine both.
> 
> I haven't been getting as much feedback lately, so I just want to make sure this fic didn't start to suck! Thanks to Toomanyfandomss for motivating me to write this chapter. As long as people are reading and enjoying, I'll keep updating :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!   
> And as always, stay safe and happy friends! :)


	12. Like A Train Coming Off The Track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday night doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update for you all! I had a day off from work, and it's our Lord and Savior Ben Platt's birthday, so I figured I'd celebrate with a chapter! Hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to let me know what you think, and I hope you'll stick around! :)  
> Lots of drama ahead, folks! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Stay safe and happy, friends! <3

Friday night came up quickly for everyone, the rest of the week being uneventful besides Evan and Zoe’s date. Friday after school Evan couldn’t help but feel anxious, and his mind was racing as he walked home from the bus stop. He never did well in a party setting, and he was seriously considering sneaking home after the meeting for the You Will Be Found Foundation was over. 

He immediately went up to his room when he got home, dumping his bag on his bed and flopping down. He felt more tired than usual, and so he grudgingly took out his homework and completed the worksheets he was supposed to. It didn’t take him long, and so he looked over and revised some of his essays, feeling more confident about a few of them. Finally, he looked at the clock and his stomach twisted when he realized he had to leave pretty soon, and he had to get ready.  
He changed into a darker, nicer pair of jeans and put on a nicer, striped polo shirt that was, naturally, a light blue color. He put a bit more product in his hair so it wasn’t as slick, and was giving himself a final once-over in the mirror when there was a knock on the door. 

“Evan?” his mom hesitantly poked her head in. 

Things between Evan and his mom had been tense, to say the least. Since the taco Tuesday fiasco, the few times they’d seen each other had been awkward and full of uncertainty. 

“Hi, Mom.” 

“Oh, you look nice! Are you going somewhere?” she asked. 

Evan nodded. “We’re having a meeting for the Connor Proj- the You Will Be Found Foundation.” he told her. 

“Oh. Okay.” she seemed a little disappointed. “I, um, don’t have work, so I was hoping we could look at those questions-” 

“I’ve already started writing the essays.” Evan informed her.

“You did?” she asked in surprise. Her face lit up. “Evan, that’s wonderful! Can I read them?” 

“They’re not finished yet.” Evan shook his head. “I’m almost done with 3 of them, and then I have outlines for a couple more.” 

“That’s great! I’m so proud of you!” she gave him a strained smile. 

Suddenly there was a honk outside. 

“That’ll be Jared.” Evan grabbed his coat and backpack. “Bye, Mom.”

“What time will you be home? Maybe we can go over what you have already when you get home?” 

“I’m not sure. I know they wanted to hang out afterwards, so don’t wait up. If it gets too late I’ll stay over at Jared’s. I have a bag packed in case.” 

“Evan- Look, I know you’re angry with me, but that’s-” 

“I’m not angry.” Evan said simply. “I’ve just got other people who actually want to spend time with me now.” 

And with that scathing remark, he left, leaving his mother to look after him in shock. 

* * * * * 

The instant Evan had left his room, he felt awful. An overwhelming wave of guilt rolled over him, and he felt nauseous. 

“Dude. Are you okay?” Jared asked when he saw Evan. 

Evan shrugged. He knew if he talked about it he might cry. “Let’s go.” was the only response he gave. 

When they got to Alana’s house, Evan was greeted by his girlfriend. 

“Hi, Evan!” she smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Connor and Alana are in the living room, come on!” 

She grabbed his hand to lead him, but dropped it when they were in sight of the living room; Zoe and Evan had talked about Evan’s feelings about going public with their relationship. She had been understanding and expressed that, while she was disappointed they had to hide it at school, she could understand how the attention would be bad for his anxiety. 

Alana was cheerfully talking Connor’s ear off, oblivious to Connor’s vacant stare. Evan had to suppress a giggle at the expression on Connor’s face. Seeing them, he looked over to Evan with a look that clearly said “Who IS this girl?” 

Evan took pity on the other boy. “H-hi, Alana.” he greeted. 

“Evan! Jared! You’re here! Perfect! Okay, so I was thinking we could start first by going through what our goals are for this this foundation. We can talk about what we want to come out of this. Then we can brainstorm any fundraiser ideas we have, and then I was hoping that I could schedule a time to talk to Connor and Zoe in private so I can release like a blog post or something, since everything is online now. Oh! And then we can even think of poster ideas, because isn’t that a good idea? To have posters hanging around the school to spread the word? And to finish we can even release a short little video introducing the new team and name for the foundation, you know, to help it reach people more!” 

The next few hours passed by in a similar manner. Alana led most of the discussions, but the group actually did a good job of collaborating and coming up with ideas together. Together they came up with a fundraiser idea that all of them were proud about (even Connor, though he tried to hide it). They wanted to hold a dance where all proceeds would go to the You Will Be Found Foundation. At the dance everyone would be handed a photograph with a motivational saying, and everyone at the dance would have one task: to give the saying they received to another student that they didn’t know well. Connor had grudgingly agreed to Evan’s plea to use his photographs. Proceeds would go towards reopening the orchard, making wristbands, and going towards other, bigger charities that were involved in suicide awareness and prevention. 

Everyone actually seemed excited at the prospect of the foundation. Connor tried to hide it, saying he was uncomfortable with the idea of a social dance, and being the face of the group. He constantly tried to put Evan in the spotlight, insisting he was the one who started it all, but everyone stood firm. Connor was the name everyone knew. 

“Look, Connor, you’re the one who-” Jared stopped himself from finishing the sentence, but everyone understood what it meant. “You’re the one that people know about. They know what happened to you, and they want to hear what you have to say, as much as I don’t understand that.” he sneered. 

Connor glared at him. “But Evan also-!” he began to argue. 

Evan knew what the end of that sentence was, though, and his eyes widened and his heart stopped, his worst nightmare coming to life; Connor was about to let it slip that Evan tried to kill himself. 

Seeing his face, Connor immediately stopped, his face going almost as white as Evan’s at the realization of what he was going to say. “Evan came up with the project, though.” he pouted. 

Evan let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, making eye contact with Connor and sending him a silent thank you.

When the meeting was over, the group agreed that Jared’s place was the safest place to have the party, since his parents were gone for the weekend, the Murphy’s didn’t know about the Foundation, Alana’s parents wouldn’t approve, and Evan would never throw a party at his place. 

“I’ll drive Evan, and the Murphys drive Alana?” Jared asked as they walked out the door. 

“Actually, we’re stealing Evan from you.” Connor shrugged. 

“Alana, why don’t you keep Jared company?” 

“Actually I’ll just take my own car, I don’t want to be stuck without a ride just in case my parents drag me home! But thanks!” she babbled, missing Jared’s glare over at Connor. 

The second Evan got into Connor’s car, Zoe kissed him. 

Evan’s eyes widened in shock, but he quickly responded, holding her tighter. 

“...Okay. Ew.” Connor’s voice brought them back into the moment. 

“Sorry.” Zoe giggled, pulling away. “I’ve just been waiting to do that since the meeting started.” 

Evan gave her a little shy grin, kissing her forehead when she laid her head on his shoulder. 

“Next time one of you is sitting up front, cause ‘Chauffeur’ is not a part of my job description.” he grumbled. 

* * * * * 

A half hour later everyone except Evan had a drink, and music was blasting loudly from the stereo in Jared’s basement.

“Are you sure you won’t drink anything?” Jared asked him again. 

“I- I’m sure.” Evan shook his head firmly. 

“Suit yourself.” Jared shrugged, taking a swig of his beer. 

“Hey, Kleinman, I bet I could kick your ass at beer pong.” Connor challenged. 

Jared scoffed. “In your gay dreams, Murphy.” 

Connor glared at him, but they both pulled out the table and began to play. Evan, Alana, and Zoe watched. Both boys were incredibly competitive due to their dislike of each other, and the alcohol didn’t help, causing the boys to taunt each other. The game was actually awful; Jared was all talk and wasn’t too used to the game, and Connor was so antisocial and already tipsy enough that he missed quite a few as well. Both boys were pretty evenly matched in their horrible inaccuracy. Finally, Connor won, ending the suspense. 

“Suck it, Kleinman!” Connor raised hit fist in triumph. 

“You wish!” Jared shot back. 

“I have higher standards than that.” 

“Guys!” Zoe yelled. “Stop. Why don’t we all-”

She was cut off when they heard the doorbell ring. 

Jared instantly perked up. “Ah! Everyone else is here!” 

“What do you mean everyone else?” Zoe asked. 

“Oh, I asked Jared if he’d be alright with some of my friends coming!” Alana said. 

A few hours later there were about 50 people in Jared Kleinman’s home. 

“Alana, I thought you said you just invited a few people!” Jared said, looking around at the now raging party. 

“I did! I don’t know who half these people are!” Alana cried. “I guess the word spread! I’m so sorry!” 

“I’m not! I mean, you guys are helping me clean this place tomorrow so my parents don’t kill me, so let’s partyyyyy!” Jared yelled, raising his beer in triumph. 

“How drunk are you?” Alana asked, eyeing him warily. 

“I’m fucking wasted.” Jared slurred, laughing hysterically. 

Alana giggled and went off to talk to one of her friends. 

“Evan, how are you doing?” Jared turned towards his friend, swaying a bit. 

“I’m- I’m okay.” Evan looked up, startled at the sudden attention.

Overwhelmed, Evan had been cowering in the corner, trying to stop shaking. He’d been debating walking home, but he wasn’t sure what was worse: staying at a party with too many people, or facing his mom after the horrible things he said to her. 

“You don’t look okay…” Jared frowned, stepping closer. He stumbled and Evan grabbed his arm so he wouldn’t fall. Jared found this amusing and burst out laughing.  
“Thank you, buddy” he said cheerfully. “Hey, I know what will help you! C’mon! C’mon!” 

Like an excited child, he led Evan to the other side of the basement, Evan making sure he didn’t fall the whole way. 

Evan was surprised when Jared reached into the fridge and handed him a drink. 

“J-Jared I don’t-” he began to protest again, but Jared cut him off. 

“Shhhhh. It’ll help! It’ll make you feel less anxious, take the edge off, and it’s only one drink, nothing bad is going to happen. C’mon, it’s perfect for you, it’s an Angry Orchard!” 

Hesitantly, Evan took the drink. Jared was right, one drink wouldn’t hurt, and it could possibly help him to not feel so overwhelmed. 

“Thanks, Jared.” he said. 

“No problem, Hansen!” Jared grinned, swaying again. 

Evan caught him, and was surprised when Jared responded by wrapping his arms around him in a hug. 

“You’re awesomeeee, Evan.” he slurred. 

Evan laughed. “You’re drunk.” 

“Nooooo!” Jared denied, but then burst out laughing. “Yeah, I am!” 

Evan popped the drink open.

“Cheers to your first drink, Evan!” Jared said a little loudly. 

The boys clinked their bottles together and took a sip. 

Evan cringed at the taste of the alcohol at first, but was pleasantly surprised at the good aftertaste. 

“So, where’s Zoe?” Jared asked after a moment, sounding more sober than he had in hours. 

“Oh, she uh, went to talk to some of her friends, I think?” he shrugged. 

“And where did your new bestie go?” Jared looked around. 

“Connor? He, uh, I think he was hiding upstairs?” 

Jared opened his mouth to respond when he suddenly looked up at the sound of a lot of cheering. 

“Do NOT break that couch! Get down from there!” he yelled. “Oh fuck, my mom will kill me!” 

He hurried off towards the group of high schoolers now standing on his couch. 

Evan took a few more sips of his drink, happy when his tastebuds adjusted to the taste of the alcohol. He remained where he was, not wanting to get closer to the crowd. Enjoying the alcohol more, he drank it a little too quickly. He felt a rush of warmth flood him, along with a little disorientation. He watched the other high schoolers playing beer pong and dancing to the loud music. 

His phone vibrated and he pulled it out to see a text from his mom. 

Mom:  
Evan, it’s getting late. Are you staying over at Jared’s? 

Evan Hansen:  
Yeah. 

Mom:  
Alright. Be safe. But next time, Evan, you let me know beforehand when you have something like this. I don’t care how mad you are at me or how much you want to punish me, I am your mother and it’s my job to look after you. 

Evan Hansen:  
Okay, I will. 

Mom:  
I work tomorrow night, but we will discuss this tomorrow when you get home. 

Evan Hansen:  
Okay. Goodnight, Mom. 

Evan’s anxiety kicked in again when he thought about what that discussion would entail. He knew he’d been out of line earlier, and the thought that he’d hurt his mother made him want to dig himself into a hole. But he was taken out of his thoughts when somebody suddenly grabbed his hand. 

“Evan?” 

Zoe’s perfume and light voice reached him through his haze. 

“Hi, Zoe. How are- how are you?” he asked her. 

Zoe shot him a bright, dazzling smile. “I’m great! I can’t believe how many people showed up!” 

“Y-yeah, it’s totally crazy!” Evan tried to match her enthusiasm. 

But Zoe wasn’t easily fooled. “I just wanted to check to make sure you were doing okay- I know this is probably a lot of people for you right now.” 

Evan shrugged. “Jared gave me an Angry Orchard, so I actually feel okay.” 

Zoe looked down at the empty bottle. “Are you feeling anything?” she asked worriedly. 

“A little.” Evan admitted. 

“Well, be careful, okay? Don’t get more tipsy than me.” she teased.

“I won’t.” Evan smiled at her, grabbing another bottle from the fridge. 

They talked for a few a while, and Evan drank the second bottle even more quickly than he had the first. His inhibitions lowered a little, he put his arm around Zoe’s waist, drawing her in closer. She giggled and snuggled into his chest. 

Evan laid his chin on her head, letting her closeness calm him. After a moment, he pulled away slightly and lifted her chin so she met his eyes. 

Feeling emboldened by the alcohol, he leaned down and closed the distance between them, laying his forehead against hers. 

“Zoe.” he breathed. “I want-” 

“It’s okay.” she interrupted, reading his mind. With that she leaned up, capturing his lips. Evan’s hands wrapped around her waist, hers around his neck. He was so wrapped up he didn’t hear the cat-calling. When they pulled apart due to a necessity for oxygen, Zoe said “I’m really sorry I haven’t been with you during this party, but I figured you’d-”

“It’s okay.” Evan said honestly, smiling down at her. “I know you haven’t seen many of your friends since... everything happened. I’m glad you’re spending time with them.” 

“You’re amazing.” Zoe sighed. “I’ll come find you later, yeah?” 

Evan nodded. “I’ll be here.” he assured her shyly. 

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and sped off to find her friend. 

Evan finally felt the effects of the alcohol, his head swimming. 

“So, Hansen. You started the Connor Project to get closer to his sister, huh? Not that I blame you, Zoe Murphy’s a babe. I have to admit though, I never would have thought a loner like you would be that smart. But I always thought you were gay and after Connor.” 

Evan turned to see a big, muscular guy looking at him with disgust. 

“No, that’s not-” Evan shook his head, trying to find the words. 

“There’s the stutter!” the boy smirked. 

“I’m sorry, I just- that’s not-” 

“I wanna hear it some more. So what did Zoe tell you that made you think she actually liked you?” he asked. “No one in the whole school even knew your name until you did your speech…” 

Evan could feel everything slipping away- his head was swimming, and his heart was racing. Horrible thoughts creeped into his head, and his stomach lurched.  
“But I-” 

He was interrupted when the bigger dude put his arm on the wall behind Evan, closing him in. 

“Someone who voluntarily hangs out with Connor Murphy must be gay, so what are you doing dating his sister? Leave her for the straight ones, homo.”  
Unable to hear any more, Evan ducked under his arm and bolted for the stairs. He ran out to the backyard, not stopping until he was sitting in the little treehouse he and Jared used to play in as kids that was miraculously still intact. There, he curled up and tried to control his breathing, doing his counting, shaking violently. 

“Evan?”

Evan cowered at the call of his name. 

“Holy shit, man, are you okay?” Evan relaxed a bit when he recognized Connor’s voice. 

“Okay, um, distraction?” the long-haired boy asked. 

Evan nodded, desperate.  
“Okay. Well, uh, when I was a kid I actually used to be into cars. Any types of cars. Since then I’ve lost interest, but I still hold onto little facts about them that I remember. Kinda like the way you are with trees, you know? That’s what made me remember it. Trucks were my favorite.” 

“M-mine too.” Evan nodded.

“Really?” Connor gave him a surprised but impressed grin. “Cool. Well, anyway, my father approved of that and he used to get me all the little Hot Wheels. Anything to keep me on that path. Once for my birthday, he and my mom made me a whole cake with a truck theme. It was super intricate and a lot of work was put into it, and they were so excited about it. But the problem was, I still wasn’t that great at pronouncing my words since I was only two. And apparently when I saw it I was so excited I couldn’t stop myself from screaming ‘It’s a Fuck Cake!’ at the top of my tiny lungs.” he chuckled. 

Evan let out a little laugh, feeling a little more grounded. 

“Yeah, not much has changed when it comes to me yelling curse words. I’ve been a pro at it since day one, apparently.” Connor added, sending both boys into a fit of giggles. 

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for almost spilling your secret earlier. I swear it won't happen again, man." 

"It's okay...thank you for keeping it." 

The lapsed into silence.

“What were you doing out here, Connor?” Evan asked. 

Connor shrugged. “Doing what I do best; avoiding social interaction.” 

Evan nodded, not surprised. 

“Wanna talk about what happened?” Connor finally asked. 

Evan shook his head. 

“Okay.You’re still shaking.” Connor noted.

That simple observation sent Evan over the edge, and he buried his face in his knees, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. 

Connor didn’t say a word, just laid his hand on Evan’s back so that the sobbing boy knew he wasn’t alone.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” 

Both boys looked up to see Jared Kleinman, who looked a bit more sobered up. When he spotted Evan’s tearstained face his eyes widened. “Oh my god are you okay? What happened?” Suddenly his eyes flashed with anger. “What did you do, Connor?” 

Instantly, Connor tensed. “Why do you immediately assume I upset him?” 

“Because you’re you.” Jared scoffed. 

“And why do you give a shit anyway? You only hang out with him to get free car insurance.” 

“Because no one messes with Evan but me! Especially not you.” 

Connor stood. “You know what, Kleinman? I’ve had enough of you.” 

“You don’t scare me, Murphy.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Evan, come on, let’s go.” 

“See, cut the shit! You don’t control him!” Connor got in Jared’s face. “Evan would be so much better off without an asshole like you as a friend!”

Jared’s fist swung out of nowhere, knocking Connor backwards. He looked up, shocked, but recovered quickly and instantly launched forward, retaliating. The fight was clumsy, both boys still fairly drunk. Most of their punches missed, but a few good ones landed.

“Stop it!” Evan cried, his voice high and shrill. “Jared! Stop! Connor! Please!” 

Both boys ignored him despite his pleas, but suddenly two other voices joined his. 

“What the fuck?!” 

“Guys! GUYS!” 

Zoe and Alana had arrived. Instantly, Zoe pulled Connor away roughly. 

“What is wrong with you guys?!” she yelled. 

“Stay out of this, Zoe!” he jerked his arm out of her grip. “This asshole accused me of being the reason Hansen was so upset! I’m done being blamed for everything!” 

“You ARE to blame for everything!” Jared yelled. 

“Why don’t you two jackasses take a look at Evan!” she spat, pointing at her boyfriend. “Did your fighting seem to help him?!” 

Both boys reluctantly looked over to Evan, who was an utter mess, tears streaming down his cheeks and shaking like a leaf. Alana stood next to him, her arm around him almost protectively. 

“Since you two want to behave like children, then you’ll be treated as such: you two will stay here and discuss your issues while I take Evan home, since I’m the sober one.” Alana frowned at the boys. 

“Come on.” she said softly to Evan, leading him away. They walked around the house and got into Alana’s car.

“Thank you.” Evan told her quietly. 

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry that had to happen.” Alana shook her head. 

“It’s fine, it was just- a lot was happening, and that was just the icing on the cake.” he said shakily. 

“I understand. You know, Evan, sometimes I feel like we’re not that different after all.” she gave him a shy smile. 

“Really? But you’re so confident and-” 

“I’m really not.” she laughed. “I talk constantly because I’m afraid of people shutting me down and rejecting me. I’m afraid of what will happen if I let things get silent. And I brag about my accomplishments because I’m desperate to impress people, to give them a reason to talk to me and stick around.” 

Evan took all of the information in, silent but shocked. 

“That’s why I’m so invested in the Foundation.” she admitted. “You gave me and everyone else in the school hope.” 

“I- I had no idea.” Evan said. 

Alana shrugged. “I guess no one ever really knows what’s going on in someone else’s life, huh?” 

Evan nodded his agreement. 

They didn’t really say much else, and a few moments later they were there. 

“Thanks again, Alana. Please be safe?” 

“Oh, I will. Now I just have to make sure everyone else is.” she rolled her eyes, but shot him a smile. “Goodnight, Evan. Feel better.” 

The moment Evan entered his house, he saw the light in the living room was on. 

“Evan?” his mom’s voice called. When she rounded the corner, she took one look at him and immediately surged forward to pull him into a hug. 

Feeling unworthy of her concern and care for him, the tears returned. “I’m so sorry.” he cried, clutching onto her. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, baby.” she soothed. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

Evan nodded. "I'm okay." 

“Okay. Well, it’s very late and you’re clearly worn out. Why don’t we get you into bed, and we can talk about everything in the morning?”  
Evan nodded, giving her another hug. 

“I love you, Evan.” 

“I love you too, Mom.” he responded, and despite the rollercoaster the night had become, Evan knew things would be okay.


	13. Keep On Running Away From What's true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared have a talk, and so do Evan and Heidi. Lots of truths come out.

The minute Evan and Alana were out of earshot, Jared and Connor started screaming at each other. 

“Hey!” Zoe interrupted. “The two of you are gonna talk things out. Right now. If not for yourselves, do it for Evan. And the Foundation.” 

The two boys stared at her blankly. 

“Don’t give me that look. Start talking. Now. I’m going inside to check on the party so that Jared’s house doesn’t get destroyed, but I swear to god if I come back to find you guys fighting again I will kick you both in the balls.” 

Seeing how serious she was, the boys reluctantly nodded. 

“Have fun!” Zoe said sweetly, a complete change from the fierce tigress she had been just moments ago. She blew them a kiss and hurried off. 

Grudgingly, the two teens turned to face each other. Neither one spoke, both stubbornly refusing to be the first one to say something. Finally Connor caved, sighing. 

“Why do you have to constantly be on my case?” he demanded. “What have I ever done to you to make you hate me so much?” 

When Jared refused to answer, Connor decided to use another tactic. 

“Okay, fine, don’t answer me. But tell me; how long have you liked Hansen?” 

Jared looked up, his eyes flashing. “What are you insinuating?” 

Connor smirked. “Thought that might get a reaction. Thanks for confirming my suspicions.” 

“Are you calling me gay, Murphy? Cause I WILL kick your ass.” Jared stepped forward threateningly. 

“I don’t know- you tell me.” Connor said, kindly, looking at him intently. 

Jared stood there for a second, glaring at him, before he deflated, all fight draining out of him. Connor’s eyes widened; he’d never seen Jared Kleinman look so defeated. 

“Fine! I’m gay! And I’ve been trying to hide it and suppress it for years! Because my parents would probably disown me, my so called “friends” wouldn’t talk to me again, and if it wasn’t for Evan Fucking Hansen it might be easier! And yes, I hate you because you get to walk around out of the closet and be yourself and you feel comfortable enough to tell everyone who bullies you to go fuck themselves! Is that what you wanna hear?!” 

“You do realize MY parents don’t know I’m gay, either, right?” Connor sneered. “Just because most people at school know because the rumor spread doesn’t mean anything.” 

Jared looked taken aback. 

“Yeah. My father would disown me too. So I get it. And if I was really comfortable going through life telling those assholes to go fuck themselves, do you really think I’d have tried to kill myself?!” 

“Fine! I’m sorry, okay? I misjudged you. You always seemed so comfortable with being gay, which is something I want to be, but I just can’t when I hear so many derogatory comments at school and home. It really made me resent you. And then you just completely took away the only person I had who doesn’t make me feel insecure or worthless.” 

“Evan?” Connor asked. 

Jared gave him a look that clearly said ‘You know damn well who I mean’. 

“You never answered my question; how long have you liked Hansen?” 

Jared shifted uncomfortably. “Since middle school. Not that it’s any of your business.” he mumbled. 

“And I’m assuming he’s the one who made you realize you were gay? And that’s why you treat him like shit?” Connor raised an eyebrow. 

Jared flinched. “Yes.” 

“I understand. Trust me, I get how scary it is for people to know you’re gay. But mistreating the person who’s actually your friend? Especially someone who has anxiety and lots of self-esteem issues? That’s pretty shitty, man.” 

“I know.” Jared said softly. 

“It’s no wonder Evan thinks you don’t actually care about him. But I know for a fact that you mean a lot to him...so maybe if you actually treat him like a friend, you won't have to worry about losing him.” 

Jared nodded.

Connor sighed then. “And I’m sorry, too. I haven’t exactly made it easy to like me. I know I’m a sarcastic asshole with anger issues. I assume the worst in everyone, and I push almost everyone away. I’m trying to work on it. I really am.”

“So can we agree to not constantly be at each other’s throats?” Jared asked. “I think that would be better for everyone- us, Evan, the Foundation.” 

Connor nodded. 

“Doesn’t mean we’re friends though, Murphy.” Jared said, his tone light.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, Kleinman.” 

Both boys fought a smile. 

When Zoe walked back outside, she feared the worst, somewhat expecting to find her brother with black eyes, holding Jared in a headlock.  
What she found instead was two boys smirking at each other and shaking hands. 

* * * * * 

Evan was confused when he woke up. It took him a few seconds until the evening’s events caught up to him. Sighing, he pushed back the covers and rolled out of bed, padding downstairs. 

He could already smell waffles, and wasn’t too surprised when he got into the kitchen and found his mom bustling around. He cleared his throat to alert her of his presence and she whipped around. 

“You’re up!” she said. “How are you feeling?” 

“Okay.” Evan gave her a strained smile. 

His mom put a plate stacked with waffles in front of him. “Wanna tell me about last night?” 

Evan shook his head. “Mom, first I- I want to say I’m so sorry.”

“Evan-” Heidi sighed. 

“No, I- I was awful. You don’t deserve to have such a shitty, ungrateful son.” Evan stared at his plate. 

“Evan. Look at me.” 

Evan slowly met his mom’s eyes. 

“You are not a shitty son. And you’re allowed to feel a little resentful that I’m never around. There’s no way I can juggle my work, classes, and being a stay at home mom. But I want you to know that nothing in this whole world matters more to me than you. I have to work a lot, yes, so I can support the two of us, and I’m taking classes so that when I’m a paralegal I can be around more, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” 

“I know.” Evan whispered. 

“I promise you that I will make more of an effort to be around, to be there for you. But next time you feel frustrated and hurt or neglected, please talk to me first? Acting up isn’t your usual style, Sweetheart, you really worried me.” she stroked his hair. 

Evan nodded. “I promise. I love you, Mom.” 

“Alright. Now what happened last night? You were in pretty rough shape when you got home.” 

Taking a deep breath, Evan looked at her. “Please try not to freak out?”

Heidi laughed nervously. “Okay, now you’re freaking me out.” 

“It’s nothing bad, it’s just...I have a girlfriend.” 

His mom stared at him blankly for a second until her entire face lit up. “What?! Evan, that’s great! What’s her name?” 

“Uh, Zoe Murphy.” 

“Oh, Connor’s sister! Isn’t that the girl you’ve liked for ages?” At Evan’s confirming nod, she clapped excitedly. “Oh, I’m so happy for you, honey. I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there. Is she pretty? And she’s nice to you, right?” But she stopped abruptly when she realized how many questions she was bombarding her son with. “Sorry.” she laughed, exhaling. “Just got a little excited for a minute there. I’d love to meet her, Evan. But only when you’re ready. And please be safe?” 

Evan rolled his eyes, smiling. “Yes, Mom. Anyway, last night- after the meeting, we went to Jared’s and there was a party, and...well, somehow the word spread and a bunch of people showed up. I guess someone saw me- well, saw me with Zoe, and he started saying all these things, and-” 

“What things?” His mom demanded, frowning. 

Evan shook his head. He didn’t want to worry her. “Nothing, just teasing me. Getting in my head. But- when I left, Connor was helping me, and then Jared came and they started fighting. They were punching each other, and- and on top of you and I fighting, I couldn’t-” 

“Oh, honey.” she sighed. “I’m sure Connor and Jared will work things out. But has your anxiety gotten worse?” she asked him gently. 

Evan fidgeted with his cast. He almost considered telling her the truth about what happened over the summer but instantly threw that thought away; it would cause her too much pain, and he truthfully was doing much better. Telling her would do nothing but worry her and make her feel guilty. “Well, I- No, not really. Most days are okay, but, some of them are bad.” he admitted. 

“That’s okay, Evan. Why don’t I come with you to your next session and we can ask your therapist what the next step to take is before the two of you have your session?” 

“Okay.” Evan managed a smile. “I, uh, should go help Jared clean his place before his parents get home.” Then his eyes widened. “Oh my god, and please don’t tell Mrs.  
Kleinman that there was a party! Please?” 

Heidi laughed. “I think I can let this one slide. Now get going; go help your friend. Maybe when you get home we can curl up and watch a movie before I go in for my night shift.” 

Evan smiled. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update! :)  
> I had an anxiety attack at work the other day, which I think sort of influenced last chapter, but I can't leave my babies upset for too long. But rest assured different obstacles will present themselves and keep it interesting!  
> What do you guys think of Jared and Connor's friendship/relationship? I'm really not sure what it should develop into...any input is welcome and appreciated! I want to write content people will enjoy :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Stay safe and happy, friends! <3


	14. Making This Up As I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew helps Jared clean up after the party, and complications are already beginning.

Jared’s place was a wreck when Evan got there. But, as asked, all the members of the You Will Be Found Foundation were there, for better or worse. Jared was incredibly hungover, and greeted everyone groggy, wincing when Alana’s loud, enthusiastic voice reached him. 

"Not so loud!" he cringed. 

"Sorry. How much did you have to drink anyway?" Alana asked, amused. 

"Hey, I did not ask for this judgement! I did not get to sleep until 3 in the morning." Jared said defensively. "Connor stayed up just as late as I did! We both corralled all the drunk people out last night!" 

"Please, Kleinman, don't insult me. I'm not a beginner; I haven't been to bed yet." Connor scoffed. 

Connor also seemed a bit the worse for wear, but mostly he seemed tired. Alana, having not had anything to drink was the same as usual, and was helpful as always.  
And Zoe, who had evaded a hangover, took the lead and, along with Alana, coordinated everyone. Evan was slightly nervous at first to be near the group again after last night, especially when Zoe “assigned” Jared and Connor to moving all the furniture back together, and he was therefore relieved when she had him start outside picking up trash, bottles, and cigarette butts from the yard. 

He enjoyed the fresh air and quiet as he methodically picked up. When he was finished he returned to the basement. He was surprised and somewhat perturbed to find Connor and Jared weren’t bickering at all. Indeed, they kept shooting each other glances and smirks and saying things to crack each other up. 

“Hey, I think for our next group hangout we should go bowling!” Jared, whose hangover had faded a bit, said, his eyes bright. 

“That is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard, Kleinman.” Connor rolled his eyes. 

Jared’s lips twitched like he was trying not to laugh. “Hey, don’t diss bowling. It is the most fun and clearly the superior sport. And I’d kick your ass.” 

“Like you did at beer pong?” Connor smirked. 

“Trust me; I don’t mess around with bowling.” Jared warned him. 

The two fought smiles as they stared at each other, but there was a new light banter between them that Evan had never seen.

Evan wondered what had changed between the two boys, but was distracted as his thoughts strayed to his beautiful girlfriend, who was collecting all of the empty bottles that were laying around the entire basement. She looked up and caught him staring and shot him a smile, which Evan immediately returned, but it was forced. The words the stranger said to Evan had stuck with him, planting horrible ideas in his head. They quieted down, however, when Zoe blew him a kiss. 

They made quick work of cleaning everything, until the last half hour, when Jared started playing music, which turned into an impromptu dance party. Even Evan and Connor moved along to the music, the whole group looking like idiots and laughing at their ridiculousness. Luckily, nothing was broken or ruined during the party, so once the trash was disposed of, it looked spotless when they were done, no evidence of a party whatsoever. 

Evan excused himself, ready to go home and watch a movie with his mom. But everyone else also dispersed; Jared had procrastinated too long on homework, and now had to cram a lot of worksheets and studying into two days, Zoe had practice for band, Alana babbled about the list of things she had to do for all of her extracurriculars, and Connor just shrugged and said he was probably gonna go home and smoke and listen to music. 

As they started to walk out, Evan looked over at his new friend. “Connor, do you wanna go for a- I mean, do you want to go to the tracks Monday after school?” Evan asked, tugging at his thumb. “Zoe has practice after school, and since I’m coming over for dinner after anyway, I thought-” 

“Sure, Hansen. Maybe we can take a few pictures?” he asked the anxious boy. 

“Sure! That sounds so great because we can find good trees to get pictures of!” he lit up. 

Connor nodded, chuckling. 

Evan bid everyone goodbye, kissing Zoe on the cheek. What Evan didn’t see was Connor’s eyes flick over to Jared, a look of guilt on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short update for you guys! Sorry for the length, but next chapter is gonna be a long one, this just happened to be where it split! 
> 
> Alright, I need opinions; should Jared and Connor be a thing? Because I feel like the way it's going now it could totally be something, like very easily, but it could just as easily stay a great friendship...so what do you readers want to see? A romance blossom out of this, or just to stay the way it is? I really really really REALLY want your opinion, so let me know! 
> 
> To come next; We will find out what happens on Monday- if word about Evan and Zoe spread, and Jared and Evan will have a chat.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys!  
> Stay safe and happy, friends. :)


	15. Reach Out Your Hand Part 1/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little tense at school on Monday, and Jared and Evan finally have a heart to heart.

Monday, Evan caught a ride with Connor to school. Zoe grumbled about not being able to give her boyfriend a ride, but Connor was pleased she had trusted him enough to leave him with her boyfriend. 

“It’s a step in the right direction, at least. She didn’t insist on being there so she could make sure I wasn’t mean to you...” he had shrugged, trying not to seem too pleased. 

Evan just smiled. He decided to talk to Connor about Zoe another time, seeing that Connor wasn’t in the place to have a serious discussion. 

“So, you and Jared were able to get past your differences, huh?” he asked awkwardly. 

Connor screwed up his nose in distaste. “We decided to not be at each other’s throats, but we’re not friends or anything like that. I still don’t like Kleinman, but I’ll tolerate him.” 

Evan nodded, accepting that answer for now. 

When they walked into school, Connor bid him goodbye with a half-hearted wave and a mumbled “See ya, Hansen.” 

Evan went to his locker and to his first class. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until his third class, when he noticed some people were whispering and looking in his direction. He was able to brush it off, convincing himself that it wasn’t actually him they were looking at, but the person behind him. But when he was on his way to lunch, he heard a group of people talking, and his blood ran cold. 

“I mean, you should’ve seen this kid. He was making out with Zoe Murphy one second, and the next he’s shaking like a beaten dog and almost crying!” a voice said, and from one quick glance Evan confirmed that it was the guy from the party.

“I didn’t even know who he was- hadn’t ever seen him- until his speech for the Connor Project.” some girl said. 

“Yeah. And now he’s suddenly dating Zoe Murphy? I think it’s just an act for the Connor Project or whatever it’s being called now.” another guy chimed in. 

“No way, he’s totally gay. It’s so he can get close to Connor!” the guy from the party insisted. 

“Ew, that’s sick.” the girl wrinkled her nose. 

“Those two freaks deserve each other.” 

“Yeah, I just can’t wait to watch it all blow up in their faces. Especially Hansen’s. It’ll teach losers like him that when you’re invisible, you’ll stay invisible no matter what pathetic attempts you make to change it.”

The group laughed and Evan, having heard enough, scurried off, headed to the bathroom. 

He moved as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself, running into someone when he turned a corner too sharply. 

“Woah! Dude, chill! What’s the rush?” a familiar voice barked out. “Wait, Evan?” 

Evan had run into none other than Jared Kleinman. 

“Where were you going? Aren’t we going to lunch?” he asked. Then he looked closer at his friend, and his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong?” 

Evan shook his head. 

Jared sighed. “Dude. You’re practically vibrating right now. Obviously something’s up.” 

“I just was going- Outside. Evan choked out. 

All signs of amusement fell from Jared’s face. He knew that Evan was spiraling into an anxiety attack. He nodded quickly, letting Evan pass, but followed him. 

The moment he stepped out into the fresh air, Evan instantly felt better. He took a few deep breaths as he walked towards the picnic tables that were usually occupied by the popular kids during the Spring. Jared silently took a seat next to him, waiting patiently for Evan to speak.

“Why would she want to be with me?” was all that came out when the anxious boy finally spoke. 

“What-? Zoe?” Jared asked, confused. 

Evan nodded. 

Jared sighed. “Did someone at the party see you two canoodling? Is that what brought on all of this?” 

“Was he right, though?” Evan didn’t bother confirming Jared’s suspicions. “I mean, why would anyone want to be around me? I don’t have any friends- Connor doesn’t want to be around me half the time, and you’re my family friend…” 

Jared cringed. “Evan-”

“I mean, maybe they’re right! Maybe I should just stay invisible! Zoe would be much better off without me and my anxiety and-” 

“EVAN!” Jared cut in loudly, stopping the rambling boy in his tracks. “Take a breath, why don’t you?” 

Evan shakily did as he was instructed, once again amazed by Jared’s knowledge of how to shorten his panic attacks.

Finally, Jared spoke, staring intently at the table, refusing to make eye contact. “Listen, Ev. I know all of the things I’ve said-” he stopped, groaning in frustration. “Okay. I’ll just say it: I’m an asshole. I don’t know how to be all mushy and say what I feel. Which is why I fed you all that bullshit about just being “family friends”. The truth is, Ev, you’re my best friend. And one of my only friends. You’re nice to a fault of yourself, helpful, and if you tell anyone I said this I’ll deny it, but you can be funny, Acorn Boy. So don’t sell yourself short, dude. You’ve been my best friend since I was little, so I know you pretty well. And... anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. I’m just sorry that I didn’t make you feel that way.” 

When Evan didn’t respond, Jared finally looked up at him. His eyes widened in surprise. “Dude, please don’t cry.” 

Evan’s hand flew to his face, and he was surprised to find that it was indeed wet with tears. When had he started crying? He quickly wiped them away. 

“So you really…” he hesitated before finishing. “You really...like me?” 

Jared let out a sharp humorless laugh, his eyes closed. “Yeah, Evan. I really do. I’m sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t.” 

Evan smiled as more tears came to his eyes. “Thank you, Jared. That- That means a lot.” 

Hesitantly Evan leaned closer and opened his arms, wrapping them around his friend. 

Friend.

Just thinking the word sent a warmth through Evan he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Jared stiffened for a moment before cautiously returning the embrace. The hug was awkward and short-lived, but both boys had smiles on their faces when they separated. 

“Don’t worry about Zoe, okay, man? You should see the way she looks at you when you aren’t watching. She isn’t going anywhere, okay? And forget about what the idiots at school think. They’re just jealous you landed one of the prettiest girls in school before they did.” he shrugged. “But if you’re seriously worried, just talk to her. Take her out. Just don’t disappear into yourself, because that will only make things worse.”

Evan offered him a shy smile. 

“You know, Jared, you’re a better friend than you think you are.” he told him. “You- you might have told me I’m, um, only a family friend, but- but you’re the only person besides my mom who knows, uh, how to calm me down during an anxiety attack, you- you drive me around a lot, and you always give me advice. I’m- I’m sorry I ever acted like the only thing that mattered were the words you said, not your actions? I really appreciate you, I want you to know that.” he said stumbling over his words, nervously tugging at his thumb. 

“Dude, I swear to god if you don’t stop that!” Jared slapped his hand away. He rolled his eyes, mumbling “What am I gonna do with you, Tree Boy?” 

"I have no idea." Evan grinned. 

“Alright, can we go eat lunch now? I’m starving and we only have like ten minutes left for lunch, and I need my strength; I’m bowling tonight.” Kleinman stood up, offering Evan a hand. 

Evan, still smiling up at his friend, reached up and accepted the hand, the two boys walking side by side to the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long. Writer's block really sucks, but I'm back!   
> I hope you all enjoy this update. I know it's not really long, but I really wanted to end this chapter on a positive note cause my anxiety has been killing me, and it was hard to write about it. 
> 
> I really like Evan and Jared, so I couldn't resist the cheesiness at the end, Sorry! I'm just glad they finally talked shit out, and they both deserve friends, damnit! What do you guys think? 
> 
> Up next: Connor and Evan hang out, and Evan and Zoe go on a date! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, and, as always, stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	16. Only Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan go for walk and photography session, and Evan and Zoe's date leads to a confession.

Evan found Connor leaning up against the side of the school building, examining his camera. 

“You ready, Hansen?” he asked. 

Evan nodded excitedly and followed the taller boy to his car. 

“How, uh, how was your day?” he asked as they drove towards the orchard. 

Connor scoffed. “Same as usual, I guess. My classes were boring, people were jerks…Nothing new.”

“You’re doing much better, though.” Evan told his friend timidly. “You really are.” 

Connor shrugged, but the corners of his lips turned up slightly in response to the praise. “I just hope Zoe sees it.” 

“I’m sure she does. She doesn’t hate you, Connor...she misses you.” Evan said as they parked. 

Connor laughed darkly, getting out of the car. “I doubt that, Hansen.” 

“No really!” Evan insisted earnestly, scrambling to get out of the car. “She doesn’t say it, but I can tell.” 

“Hansen, you don’t know half of the shit I put her through.” Connor hung his head in shame as the two boys started off towards the tracks. “I used to basically beat down her door while screaming about how I was going to kill her.” 

Evan’s eyes widened. 

“Yeah. In fact, I just yelled at her a lot in general. Never spent any time with her where I wasn’t screaming at her or someone else. She’s… afraid of me. And with good reason.” he said bitterly.

“But she’s also afraid to lose you.” Evan told him. “When you were, uh, in a coma, you should have seen her. She tried so hard to act like she didn’t care, but she did. A lot.” 

Connor sighed. “How do I even go about making it up to her? How do I get my-?” he stopped, but at Evan’s encouraging nod, he continued. “-my best friend, my sister back?” 

“Well, you could start by spending time with her.” Evan suggested flatly. “Express an interest in her life. Reach out. Show her you’re trying to get better. And actually apologize. It would mean a lot to her, I know it would.” 

“When we were kids, we used to build forts and make snowmen and stay up late giggling until Mom or Dad would make one of us go back to our room and go to sleep. One of my favorite pictures of us is this picture when we were around 7 and 8 and I made Zoe laugh so hard milk came out her nose. In the picture milk has dribbled all down her shirt and both of our faces are scrunched up from laughing, and my arm is around her shoulders...It was actually that picture that made me fall in love with photography. That picture just captured the moment so well that I fell in love with the idea of capturing real, honest moments.” he smiled at the memory. 

“Well you’ll never- I mean, if you don’t try- you’ll never know if she could forgive you.” Evan pointed out. 

“You’re right.” Connor shrugged. “Well, I guess I’ll have my answer soon one way or the other. But for now...what do you say we take some pictures?” he held up his camera with a mischievous grin. 

“Well, I’ll help in whatever way I can...” Evan shrugged. 

“Hansen, you’re gonna be my model...” Connor gave him an incredulous look. 

“What?!” the shorter boy squeaked, his eyes widening.

“Relax, Tree Boy. Just ignore the camera.” Connor rolled his eyes.

“But I’m really not- not a model type! I look like really bad in pictures and-” 

“Dude. I’m serious. Relax. You won’t even know I’m taking them.” 

Looking at the stubborn photographer, Evan realized he had no real choice in the matter, so he wisely kept his mouth shut. 

The two friends walked along the path, talking about their favorite bands and books. 

“I know it’s super nerdy, but- but I still really like Harry Potter.” Evan confessed. 

“Dude. It’s Harry Potter. What’s not to like?” Connor laughed. “What house are you in? Wait. No. Let me guess. You’re a Hufflepuff, obviously.” 

Evan bit his lip, smiling. “Guilty. Are you a Ravenclaw?” 

“Either that or a Slytherin.” Connor agreed. 

Evan laughed. 

“Hey, Ev, why do some trees take longer to change color in the Fall?” he asked. 

Immediately Evan brightened and began spouting off the facts he knew about his beloved trees. What the boy didn’t notice was Connor’s sly smirk as he lifted the camera to take a few snapshots of his excited friend. Connor listened patiently and snapped some photos as Evan continued gushing over the trees. When they reached the bridge, Connor had Evan stand in the middle of the tracks, directly under the bridge, facing away from him, but turning over his shoulder so he could smile at the camera. 

Telling stories and sharing secrets, the boys finally made it all the way to the orchard. Together they sat under a tree and looked over the photos Connor had taken. 

“I thought you said you didn’t photograph well, Acorn Boy.” Connor teased, showing Evan the pictures. 

“I usually don’t, I just-” But even Evan couldn’t deny the pictures were great; Evan’s eyes were shining, and his whole being was alight with happiness and contentment.

“You’re so at home in the woods here.” Connor smiled, looking at a picture of Evan leaning up against a tree, staring up at it. His brown jacket blended in with the Fall foliage. 

“You’re a great photographer, Connor.”

“Thanks.” Connor looked away, clearly uncomfortable with the praise. “The other day my mom came into my room and saw some of them. She actually asked me about them, and expressed an interest.” 

“That’s great!” Evan brightened. 

Connor shrugged. “I mean, I’m sure she’s just trying to humor me and make sure I don’t get all suicidal again, but...at least it’s something. I feel like I’m so close to having my sister and mother back. I haven’t had that kind of hope in a long time.” he confessed. 

Evan just grinned. 

Suddenly Connor’s phone buzzed, and he checked it, cursing. 

“Fuck, Zoe’s gonna kill me.” 

“Why?” 

Connor sighed. “My parents can’t make dinner tonight, so she’s going to take you on a date and I was supposed to have you there in….10 minutes.” 

Evan’s eyes widened. “Connor!” he scrambled to his feet, and the two boys raced towards the car, cutting through the orchard as a shortcut. 

Neither boy really spoke, just rushed, speeding until they arrived, breathless, at their destination.

“I’m so sorry, Zoe!” Evan skidded to a stop in front of his girlfriend, who was standing impatiently by her car.

“Don’t be, Evan. You didn’t know the plans for the night had changed. Connor did.” Zoe glared at her brother accusingly. “And I specifically asked him to get you here at-” 

“It wasn’t his fault!” Evan blurted out. 

Zoe just raised an eyebrow. 

“He was trying to rush me, but I didn’t know what was happening so I was being super slow, and I lost track of time- you know, the woods, and everything.” Evan was quick to explain sheepishly. 

Zoe rolled her eyes. “It’s okay. But let’s go, okay?” she looped her arm through his. 

“You look really nice.” Evan said, noticing for the first time that Zoe was wearing a soft purple dress that fit at her waist and flared out and satin black boots. 

“Thanks.” she blushed. “Bye, Connor! Don’t wait up!” she waved as the two set off. 

Evan turned around to wave and didn’t miss the grateful look Connor shot him, clearly thanking Evan for covering for him.

Shaking his head and chuckling softly, Evan followed his girlfriend. 

“Where are we going?” he asked. 

“It’s a surprise.” she teased. 

They walked for a few minutes, talking casually, enjoying each other’s company, until they came to a stop. Zoe led him around a group of trees, and suddenly they were by the edge of a river. 

Evan stopped in his tracks when he saw that there was a blanket and candles laid out. 

“We’re having a picnic?” he asked. 

“Well, I know you love nature, and I thought it would be romantic.” Zoe smiled softly. 

“You did this for me?” Evan’s voice was full of wonder. 

“Of course! Do you like it?” she bit her lip worriedly. 

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” Evan drew her closer. 

“Good.” Zoe leaned up to give him a kiss, and the two sat down. They enjoyed a very fancy meal of sandwiches, chips, and fruit as they talked and laughed. 

“Are you okay, Evan?” Zoe asked when they were done eating. They sat watching the sunset over the water, side by side, Zoe’s head on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, why do you ask?” Evan questioned, kissing the top of her head. 

“You seem...different.” Zoe explained, choosing her words carefully. “At school, I mean. I mean, I guess I understand, because there’s more people at school, which would kick in your anxiety, but something seems off...different. You seem less anxious and more...afraid. Is everything okay?” 

“O-oh!” Evan considered for a moment telling Zoe what was happening with the group at school, and the thoughts and fears that stemmed from it. But it would only make her worry, and would only upset her. “N-no, everything's fine!” he shook his head. “I guess it’s the same old anxiety, nothing new!” he forced out a laugh. 

Zoe looked at him suspiciously. “Okay... You seem so much better lately, though. You don’t stammer or interrupt yourself or demean yourself as much anymore.” She laid her hand on top of his. “I want you to know how proud I am of you.” 

Evan’s cheeks turned pink, and he looked away. 

“Zoe, there’s uh, something I need to tell you, even though it’s not my place.” 

Zoe looked at him curiously. “What is it?” 

“Well, your brother’s- well I mean, Connor has been doing so much better, and-” 

Zoe frowned. “Evan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can we not talk about my brother right now?” she asked. 

“O-oh, I’m sorry, I just wanted to help you guys-” 

“No, it’s okay, it’s just...I’m tired of every aspect of my life involving my brother. I’m glad he’s still here, and I’m so glad he’s finally trying, and he’s found a friend in you, but- when it’s you and I...I just want you to be all mine. I don’t want to think about all of my family drama, and I don’t want to share you when we’re on a date like this. That may make me selfish, but...I want it to be only us. I want to let everything and everyone else fade away. Can we try that?” she looked at him pleadingly. 

Staring into her eyes, Evan found himself lost for words. “Zoe, I… I never thought I’d have someone like you. That’s why I give you so many reasons to not let me go. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted someone to really see me, and like me for me.” 

Zoe smiled, shaking her head in disbelief. “Silly...you don’t have to convince me. You’re more than enough just the way you are.” 

Evan looked away, mumbling something softly that Zoe couldn’t quite hear. 

“What was that?” she asked. 

Evan stared off at the river for a moment, anxiously picking at the rubber ripping off of his shoe. Finally, he took a deep breath and met her eye again, mustering up all the courage he had. “Zoe, I...I love you.” he managed, finally saying it for the first time. 

Zoe’s eyes widened. “Evan, I love you too.” she replied, her heart skipping a beat. 

She closed the distance between them, capturing his lips in a kiss that was somehow sweeter after their shared declaration. 

When they finally pulled apart they both sighed happily, smiling. Zoe’s head once again laid on his shoulder, as she asked “Only us?” 

“Only us.” Evan agreed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys. I am seriously SO sorry. I've had a rough few weeks emotionally, and I just lost all motivation, which is not an excuse. I've really disappointed myself for letting you guys down. I PROMISE the next update will not take that long again. Thank you for sticking around; it means a lot. 
> 
> That being said, I'm looking for suggestions as always! I want to hear what you guys think, and I really value your input! I know I'm making you wait for Zoe to find out what's been going on at school, but unfortunately it will have to get worse for her to find out, and I'm hoping you'll think it's worth it. But is there anything else you want to see? Let me know! 
> 
> Next Update:  
> Things at school get much worse for our poor Evan. 
> 
> And, as always:  
> Thank you guys so much for reading!  
> Stay safe and happy, friends! :) <3


	17. Would They Like What They Saw?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heidi and Evan have breakfast, and there is a further development in the trouble at school.

“Evan, honey? Rise and shine!” Heidi’s voice cheerfully reached the groggy teen’s ears. 

“Mom?” Evan rolled over and looked at the clock. “Why are you waking me up so early?” 

“Because I thought maybe we could go to your favorite diner and grab some breakfast and then I could drop you off at school before I head to work?” she asked hopefully. 

Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Evan smiled at his mom. 

“Sounds good.” he agreed yawning. 

“Alright, be downstairs in ten minutes.” she chuckled. 

Evan always loved the diner, ever since he was a little boy and his mother would bring him there every Wednesday when he got out of Preschool early. He felt a nostalgic comfort just entering the place, and the delicious scents and comforting atmosphere immediately calmed him and left him in good spirits. 

Donna, their waitress, had been working there since it opened, and had watched Evan grow up, and, as such, was very fond of him. When she came over to take their order she gave them a warm welcome, and ruffled Evan’s hair affectionately, gushing about how much he’d grown up and how handsome he’d become, and fussing over his broken arm, to his utter embarassment. 

The warmth of the diner seeped into the mother and son, and when their food was delivered they dug right in. 

“So how are things going?” Heidi inquired as she cut her omelette. 

“Good.” Evan smiled, buttering his french toast and dunking it into the cup of maple syrup so there was the correct amount of syrup on it. 

“Things between Connor and Jared have calmed down?” 

“Yeah, they’re being civil to each other. There haven’t been any other problems.” 

“And the You Will Be Found Foundation? How is that going?” 

“It’s actually uh, going pretty well. But we still are working out how to plan this dance...it’s a lot of work.” Evan admitted, tugging at his thumb anxiously. 

Heidi placed her hand over his. “I’m so proud of you, Evan. Not only are you getting out of your shell and setting up a foundation that will help so many kids, you’re also really starting a future for yourself. Do you know how good being the president of this foundation will look on your college applications?” 

Evan looked down. 

“Evan, look at me.” his mother’s voice was suddenly stern, and she put her hand under his chin. 

“Yeah?” 

“Evan Hansen, you are not just applying to colleges to make me happy, are you?” 

“No, I just-” 

“Evan, listen, I don’t mean to push you when I send you all of the essay topics, or ask you about them. I just want to support you in whatever you want. I want a great future for you, because you deserve nothing less than a life as amazing as you are. I just want what’s best for you.” 

“I know.” Evan said quietly. 

“Good. Because even if you don’t decide to go to college, I will support you in whatever you want to do.” 

Evan smiled, and squeezed her hand in gratitude. 

“Okay. Now the big question I have. I was wondering...well, if it would be alright with you, if I could maybe invite the Murphy’s over for dinner?”

“What?” Evan’s eyes widened. 

“Well, c’mon, Evan, you spend a lot of time there now, and their son is one of your best friends and their daughter is your girlfriend! I think it’s about time I met them, don’t you?” 

“Well, yeah, I just-” 

“I’m not going to push you about it, I just want to ask if you would consider it?” she looked at him pleadingly. 

“O-of course I will, Mom. I guess I’ll just uh ask Zoe and uh Connor what they think, but I don’t know-” 

“Oh, that’s all I ask!” she brightened instantly, clapping in excitement. 

Her enthusiasm was infectious, and Evan couldn’t resist grinning back. He began to wonder if maybe she was right; maybe it was time for his mother to meet the other family that had taken him in, and introduce her to the people that, besides her, made him feel the safest and most loved he could feel. 

 

* * * * * 

 

“Hansen, I’m gonna fucking kill you!” 

Evan froze in the middle of the hallway when he heard his friend’s voice. 

“Connor? What-?” 

“You left me alone driving with Zoe to school today, jackass!” Connor shouldered his friend roughly, causing the shorter boy to wince and rub his arm. 

“I’m sorry, I-” 

“We were supposed to give you a ride! Why’d you ditch?” Connor demanded as the boys started to walk towards Evan’s locker. 

“Number one: my Mom actually took me out for breakfast and drove me to school. And Number 2: I figured it would give you and Zoe some time to reconnect.” Evan frowned. 

Connor sighed. “You’re lucky that’s a good excuse, Hansen. And your plan worked; Zoe and I are going to see a movie tomorrow night.” 

“Good! Which one?” Evan brightened instantly. 

Connor grinned. “She doesn’t know that the movie theatre near us is actually playing The Breakfast Club. It’s one of her favorite movies. We used to watch it all the time.” 

“That’s a great idea, Connor!” 

Connor’s posture straightened a little as he flushed proudly. “I think she’ll like it.” 

“She definitely will!” Evan said earnestly, nodding quickly. 

“But now that both Zoe and I are busy tomorrow night, what are you gonna do?” Connor asked, his voice forcibly light and casual. 

Evan shrugged. “Probably just do homework and relax.” 

“You should, uh, do something with Kleinman.” Connor suggested. 

Evan looked at his friend, confused. “What?” 

“I just mean, he’s your friend too...and I feel like you’ve been so busy with Zoe and I lately, that he may feel a bit...lonely.” Connor stared at his feet. 

“Connor, I’ve talked with Jared. And we‘ve both apologized for the shit we did wrong-” 

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel replaced or anything, Hansen, and you know it.” Connor insisted. 

Evan tugged at his thumb anxiously. “You’re right. I’ll ask him to hang out.” 

“Good.” 

“But, uh, since when do you care?” 

Connor gave Evan a look, and Evan quickly backtracked.

“Notthatyoudon’tcareaboutpeopleingeneralIjustknowyoudon’tlikeJaredsoI’mwonderingwhyyou’rebeingsoconsideratetowardshisfeelings!” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “Because. I know what it’s like to have you as an only friend, and so I can guess how it would feel if you just replaced me with someone else. And I don’t want to be that person that takes away someone’s friend. Cause I’ve had that done to me too many times.” 

Evan nodded his understanding. 

“But on a lighter note, dude, you should’ve seen Mr. Ferguson in Psych yesterday when this idiot decided to screw with his powerpoint and add funny memes to almost every slide. He was so flustered he barely made it through the presentation and everyone was trying not to laugh.” Connor chuckled. 

"Were you said idiot?" Evan asked, smirking. 

"Not this time, smartass." Connor stuck out his tongue.

The two boys were instantly sharing stories and laughing. 

But they were interrupted, as they turned into the hallway Evan’s locker resided in, by Jared. 

“Hey, guys! How are you two doing?” he asked, his voice high and way too chipper. He planted himself in front of the two boys, stopping them in their tracks. 

“Hi, Jared. We’re good…” Evan tried to continue walking, but Jared once again got in his way. 

“That’s great! I’m glad to hear that, buddy! Hey, I was wondering, could you maybe help me grab a few books from my locker?” 

“Yeah, but I have to stop at mine first.” Evan moved to go around Jared, but once again he was stopped. 

“Kleinman, what the fuck are you doing?” Connor rolled his eyes, exasperated. 

“Just trying to spend some time with my friend! And my new bud! Right, Con?” Jared gave a forced grin over to the long-haired boy. 

“Jared, you’re acting really weird, but I don’t want to be late to class, so please-” 

“Evan. You do not want to see your locker right now.” Jared's voice suddenly lost all of it's lightness and humor as he stopped Evan with a hand to his chest. 

“What?” Evan asked, confused. He looked over and finally noticed that there was a group of students surrounding his locker. 

“What the fuck happened?” Connor’s eyes narrowed. 

“Nothing, it’s just-” 

“I need to see.” Evan suddenly side-stepped out of Jared’s reach. 

“Evan, don’t-!” 

“Jared, I need to see it!” Evan moved forward quickly, working through the small crowd with a few simple “Excuse me”’s. 

But he froze when he saw what they were all staring at. 

On the locker two pictures had been taped up for all to see; One of Evan and Zoe at the party kissing, and the other of Connor and Evan sitting outside of the school, Connor’s arm around Evan as they laughed hysterically at something Connor had said. On the photographs, in thick, bold letters, were the words: Loser, Manslut, and Fag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. I officially am the worst. I've been having medical issues, and on top of working a lot of hours, I've also felt like crap, so motivation to write was at an all-time low. But I wouldn't ever leave you hanging, and I'm back!
> 
> I'm sorry I made you guys wait so long for such a short (and shitty) chapter, but I hope you enjoy this installment and don't hate me too much for the cliffhanger (however poorly it's written)! I have a few days off now, so you won't have to wait too long for the next chapter. 
> 
> Thank you SO much to everyone who has read this far and followed this story. It really means the world to me, and as always, if you have any comments or suggestions I'd LOVE to hear them. 
> 
> Stay safe and happy, friends! :) <3


	18. Take Deep Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan deals with the photos on his locker, and at dinner at the Murphy's plans are made.

“What. The. Fuck.” Connor growled, as the three boys stood rooted to the spot.

Evan could hear the people gathered around his locker whispering. For a moment he felt paralyzed, his face burning with embarrassment, a lump in his throat. He stared at the pictures on his locker, silently reading the hateful words over and over. Seeing the picture of him and Zoe, he began to panic, thinking “Ohgodtheyknowtheyknowtheyknow” over and over. 

“I swear to god I’m gonna tear whoever did this apart!” Evan could distantly hear Connor yelling. 

“Connor. Not helping.” Jared’s voice responded sternly. Then suddenly Evan felt a hand on his shoulder. “Evan?” Jared asked, moving into his line of sight and blocking the view of his locker. “Evan, come on, man, come back to us.”

Having his friend in front of him, and no longer able to see what was left on his locker, Evan was broken from his frozen state. 

Seeing Evan’s gaze focus again, Jared sighed in relief. “There you are. Are you okay, Evan?” 

Evan shakily nodded. 

“I’m gonna kill this son of a bitch.” Connor assured his friend. 

“If we can track him down, I’ll help.” Jared said flatly. 

But Evan, who had noticed that, although the people surrounding his locker were pointing to it and whispering, there was a lack of laughter, shook his head. 

“N-no, it’s okay.” he told his friends shakily. 

“It is not okay, Evan!” Connor’s eyes flashed dangerously, as he actually used Evan’s first name. “They think they can just treat us like shit and do whatever they want to us! Well fuck that. Fuck that!” he yelled. 

“They’re not worth it, Connor.” Evan said softly, taking a deep breath. 

“That’s what everyone always says.” 

“But it’s- it’s true. It doesn’t matter. We, uh, we both know that those-those things on the photos aren’t true, so-so why should we care?”

“Are you kidding me?! Because they’re trying to humiliate you. And my sister!” 

Before Evan could respond, he heard someone’s voice saying “Alright, let’s move along! Nothing to see here, that’s right, goodbye!” Then Alana Beck stood right next to him, the pictures that had been put up on his locker in her hands. 

“Hey. Evan. Are you okay?” she asked softly, looking at him worriedly. 

Evan nodded. 

“I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry…” she began, trailing off, unsure of what to say for once in her life. 

Evan quickly snatched the pictures from her, stuffing them in his bag. “I’m-I’m fine, I just don’t-” 

He turned to Jared and Connor, his eyes wide with fear and conviction, his voice earnest. “You can’t tell Zoe about this.” 

Connor opened his mouth to protest, but Evan wouldn’t have it. “At least not yet. Please. Please, Connor.” 

Looking incredibly uncomfortable, Connor shifted on his feet. “Look, Hansen, even if I didn’t she’s goin-” 

“It would do nothing but upset her! She would get in trouble Connor, she’d go after them, you know she would.”

“Damn straight. Just like I will.” 

But suddenly Evan’s eyes flashed. “I don’t want her knowing. Just drop it. I mean it.” he turned around and walked off, his eyes filled with tears, and his shoulders hunched up as if that would protect him from the stares and whispers following him. 

Jared Connor and Alana watched him leave in silence, now shocked and worried for their friend.

 

* * * * * 

 

After school, as Connor drove Evan and Zoe home, Evan stared out the window, lost in thought. 

“Evan?” 

Evan snapped out of his own thoughts when he heard Zoe call his name. He registered that the tone she used indicated it hadn’t been the first time she’d called him. He instantly turned away from the window to face her. 

“Yes? Sorry, I was just thinking.” 

“Are you okay?” she frowned. 

“Yes! I’m totally fine there’s nothing you should be worried about, totally fine, that’s me!” 

“Evan.” she said gently. “Is there something that’s making you anxious? Because you can tell me.” 

Seeing a loophole, he opted for half the truth. “I mean I guess there kinda is....my um, my mom really wants to meet you- both of you- and your parents and she wants to have you guys over for dinner and she-”

But Zoe cut him off with a laugh. “Evan, are you anxious about your Mom meeting me?” 

“Well I mean I’ve never had a- a girlfriend before and I don’t know if she’ll get all weird and then I don’t know if your parents will like her cause she’s a terrific mom, she’s just really different and what if your parents end up wondering if I’m really good enough for you and-” 

“Evan, from what I’ve heard your mom is a wonderful person. I’m sure we’ll all get along fine. If you’re okay with it, I’d love to meet her. I think we should have this dinner.” 

“And don’t worry about her not liking Zoe...I’ll be there; all the negative attention will be on me.” Connor joked. 

Evan shook his head. “It’s not that I’m worried about- my mom will love both of you! Like I’m just worried she’ll be overbearing and-” 

“And we’ll love her just as much.” Zoe told him firmly, placing her hand on his. “Look, how about I just bring it up to my parents and then we can go from there?” 

Evan nodded, but relaxed a little when Zoe settled beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. 

When they arrived at the Murphy’s house, Zoe called a greeting to her mother. 

“Hi, kids!” Mrs. Murphy greeted them warmly. “How was your day?” 

“Good.” All the teenagers mumbled. 

Cynthia chuckled. “Okay, I’ll let that answer slide for now, but I expect some details at dinner. Your father will be home around 5, so dinner will be at 5:30, okay?” 

The students nodded and made their way up the stairs, where Connor mumbled about doing homework and closed himself in his room, and Zoe and Evan situated themselves on Zoe’s bed, also pulling out their homework. They mostly worked in silence, keeping the door wide open (per Cynthia and Larry’s policy), occasionally asking for advice or just complaining about the work. Both were surprised when Connor appeared in the doorway and asked if he could join them. The three sat comfortably knocking out their homework in silence, until it was dinner. 

Larry greeted Evan with a clap on the back and “Evan, my boy! How are you?” as they sat down to eat. 

True to her word, Cynthia asked for more details about everyone’s day, which had Evan squirming uncomfortably as he dodged her questions as best he could, while Connor watched him intently and gave him looks. 

“So Mom, Dad, Evan asked me today if you’d be interested in having dinner with his mom sometime soon?” Zoe asked about halfway through dinner.

“Really?” Cynthia looked to Evan. 

Evan nodded. “She-she really wants to meet you guys, since she’s heard so much about you all. GoodthingsItotallypromiseallgoodthings!” he added quickly. 

Cynthia and Larry chuckled. 

“It’s about time. That sounds like a great idea!” Larry actually sounded enthusiastic. 

“I’d love to meet your mother!” Cynthia agreed eagerly. “What about tomorrow night!” 

“Actually, we have plans tomorrow night.” Zoe looked at Connor. 

“And my Mom works tomorrow night.” Evan told her apologetically. 

“What plans do you have?” Cynthia asked her daughter. 

“Connor and I are going to see a movie.” Zoe shrugged. “Connor asked to do something, so…”

“Really?” Cynthia’s face registered shock for a moment before the biggest grin Evan had ever seen on her spread across her whole face. Her whole posture became so light she practically floated, so happy to see her children reconnecting. “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy!” she patted Connor’s hand happily, and Evan saw him try to suppress a smile of his own. 

“So, when do you think your mother can do dinner, Evan?” Larry finally asked. 

“I-I think she has Thursday night off work…” Evan offered. 

“Perfect!” Cynthia brightened. “Do you think she would like to come here instead? I don’t want her to have to cook for four extra people!” she looked worried. 

“We can uh, come here, if you want.” Evan nodded. 

“I could just do a big baked ziti would that work for her?” 

Evan nodded. 

“Perfect! So I’ll plan for Thursday night! Just double check if that works with her, okay?” 

“I- I will.” Evan nodded, grateful when he felt Zoe’s hand grab his under the table. Holding her hand, Evan thought that it couldn’t be that bad to have almost everyone he loved, and those he was closest to, together in the same room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this chapter! I'm sorry there wasn't too much action just yet, but I promise this is just the build-up! Connor isn't gonna let this stand for too long, and Zoe WILL find out and go on a rampage, I swear!   
> Please let me know your thoughts and/or what you think is gonna happen next! Will the dinner go well or poorly? Will the bullying stop? How will Evan cope with everything?   
> Tune in next time to find out! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and, as always, stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	19. I Never Had This Kind Of Thing Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At school on Thursday, Evan isn't the only one who is a wreck about the dinner...And finally the time comes for Heidi to meet the Murphy Family.

“So, are you ready for tonight or are you totally spazzing out?” Jared asked his friend knowingly as they made their way to Evan’s locker on Thursday. 

“I’m not totally spazzing out! I just...I don’t know what’s going to happen or if they’ll even like my mom! My mom doesn’t even know how rich they are and what if- what if when they figure out what kind of family I have they decide I’m not good enough for Zoe? Or what if my mom hates Connor?! If my mom thinks they’re a bad influence or something and she tells me I shouldn’t see them anymore?” Evan said quickly, his breathing heavy. 

Jared scoffed. “Evan, first of all, you’re an angel child compared to Connor, and your mother is a saint, so the chances of Cynthia and Larry suddenly deciding you’re not worthy of Zoe are slim to none. And Heidi is so happy that you managed to get a girlfriend and a friend besides me that I’m pretty sure Zoe could be a biker chick and Connor could be a member of the mafia and she would treat them like her own children. I’m telling you, it’ll be fine.” 

Evan nodded but continued to fidget, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. His shoulders raised instinctively as the two boys turned into the hallway his locker was in, preparing for the worst. He let out a breath of relief when he saw there was nothing on his locker. 

“Well, I expect full details of how this crazy night will go, okay?” 

Evan nodded. “Do we still have plans this weekend?” 

“Yeah, sure, Nature Boy. Plus we still have that freaking dance to organize.” 

Evan flinched at the reminder. “Right.” 

“We’ll get it done, Acorn. Don’t you worry. See ya later.” Jared stuck his hands in his pockets as he strolled off. 

Sighing, Evan opened his locker and immediately jumped back when a bunch of condoms fell out of it, spilling onto the floor. Taped inside the door of his locker was a note that read: 

If you can’t choose who to bang, at least wrap it before you tap it! :) 

Blushing furiously, Evan bent down to scoop up the offending object as quick as he could, feeling the gazes of the other students on him. He quickly shoved them into his bag and ripped the letter off, crumpling it up. Grabbing the armful of books he needed, he hurried off, needing to put as much distance between himself and his locker as he could. As he turned the corner, he suddenly felt himself go weightless, and he was suddenly crashing to the ground, his books sprawling everywhere. 

“Oh, oops, didn’t see you there.” a voice above him snickered, and Evan looked up to see that the kid who tripped him was standing next to the guy at the party that started it all. He clapped his friend on the shoulder in approval, laughing down at the anxious boy. 

“Hope you enjoy our present. Later, freak.” they walked away snickering.

Evan scrambled to pick up his books, blinking back tears. 

“Evan…” he heard a familiar voice, and then Alana was kneeling down next to him, handing him his book. His stomach lurched at the expression of pity on her face. 

“I’m so sorry they-” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Evan, let me help you. You should-” 

“I said I’m fine, okay?” Evan snapped, hurrying off towards the privacy of the bathroom.

* * * * * 

“Hey, Kleinman.” 

Jared looked up from his lunch in surprise to see none other than Connor Murphy standing in front of him. 

“Well if it isn’t Connor Murphy...to what do I owe this pleasure?” 

To Jared’s utter astonishment, he noticed that Connor actually looked unsure of himself. “I uh...I wondered if I could maybe...uh…” he mumbled something that Jared barely heard. 

“What was that?” Jared smirked, wanting to hear it again.

Connor’s eyes narrowed and through grit teeth he repeated himself. “I was wondering if I could get some advice.”

“What exactly can I do for you?” the shorter boy leaned forward, now intrigued. 

“Look, I don’t want to mess up- I mean, this dinner means a lot to Evan- I just...You know his mom.” 

Jared raised an eyebrow. “You want my advice on how to charm Heidi Hansen?” 

“I just don’t want my best friend’s mom to think I’m a bad influence or something!” Connor ran his hand through his hair, agitated. 

“Okay okay, don’t have a coronary. Take a seat.” Jared indicated the seat cross from him. 

Connor sat down, but it was obvious he was not very comfortable. Instead of slouching like normal he sat upright and stiff, his hands running along his knees as he tried to calm himself. 

“First thing to know about Heidi: she’s incredibly protective of Evan. With being a single mom and Evan’s anxiety, she’s fierce. But, that being said, she likes anyone who is nice to Evan. Or she thinks is nice to Evan. Case in point: she thinks I walk on water.” 

Connor snorted. “When was the last time she actually saw you interact with Evan?” 

Jared glared at him. “Do you want help or not, asshole?” 

Connor sighed. “Yes.” 

“So my biggest tip is just be nice to Evan. If you show how well you know Evan, and make Evan comfortable, she will be all over you.” 

Connor nodded, listening intently. 

“Also, since Evan is Evan, she’s not used to swearing. So tone that down.” 

“Of course.” he nodded. 

“Talk about anything you like- she loves asking me about all my computer stuff. Maybe mention your photography or something.” 

Connor made mental notes as Jared continued to talk. 

“She’s very sweet, Connor, don’t be afraid of Heidi Hansen. She’s an angel. And she’ll like you just fine.” 

“Don’t know how.” Connor laughed bitterly. 

“You’re a good friend to her son. That’s all that’s going to matter to her.” 

The taller boy shrugged, and Jared rolled his eyes. 

“You’ve been doing a lot better, Murphy. You’re more approachable, less angry...and you really are a good friend to Evan. Which...I’m really grateful for. God knows I’ve been a shit friend to him, so at least he has a good friend in you. So don’t worry about his mom liking you.” 

Connor looked at Jared with wide, confused, yet grateful eyes. 

“Besides, no offense to you, cause you’re cute and all, but Evan’s never had a girlfriend before, so I think Zoe may be the one getting the heat from the her.” Jared pointed out.

Connor chuckled at that thought. “Yeah, but if anyone could make a great first impression while keeping her cool, it’s my sister.” 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Jared agreed. 

“I don’t know, man.” Connor shook his head. “My family is just so fucked up, and I don’t want t-”

But he was interrupted when Jared held his hand up to silence him. 

“First of all, everyone’s family is fucked up in some way. Second of all, if you only knew how much your family means to Evan, you would know that Evan is actually more nervous that your family will like his mom than he’s worried about her liking your family!” 

“Really?” 

“Oh yeah. He’s a wreck about it.” 

“So this dinner should be interesting, to say the least.” Connor cringed. 

“Tell me about it. I just wish I could be there to watch this fiasco!” Jared sighed, earning a punch in the arm. 

“You’re an ass, Kleinman.” 

“Yes, but a sexy ass.” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Don’t make it gay.” Connor rolled his eyes. 

“I always make it gay. Which is why it’s a miracle I’m still in the closet.” Jared scoffed, sending Connor into a fit of laughter. 

“Hey, guys.” Alana walked up to the table and immediately sat down. “We have a problem.” 

“What?” Jared and Connor exchanged a look, immediately sobering. 

“I just passed Evan in the hallway...someone stuffed a bunch of condoms in his locker so when he opened the door they all spilled out, and then when he was rushing off they just tripped him and made him drop all of his books!” 

Immediately both boy’s eyes flashed with anger. 

“Who was it.” Connor demanded to know. 

“I- I didn’t see.” Alana shook her head. 

“Think harder.” he prompted. 

“Look, figuring out who it is isn’t going to help Evan.” she told them. “I’m getting worried about him. I tried to help him pick up his books, and when I told him he should talk to someone he totally snapped at me. I think this is all sending him over the edge, and I’m scared for him.” 

Again, Jared and Connor exchanged a look. 

“We’ve got him.” Jared assured her. 

“Hansen will be just fine.” 

* * * * * 

‘This is not fine, this is not fine, this is not fine.’ Evan thought, pacing around his room.

“Evan, Sweetheart, are you ready?” 

Evan felt the blood rush out of his face and his heart began to race faster as his mom called up to him. 

He took one last look at himself in the mirror. His hair was styled with as much gel as he dared to use in an attempt to clean up more than usual. He had also picked one of his nicer shirts, a green button down shirt that he had bought because it reminded him of the color of trees, and khaki pants. Taking a deep breath, he made his way down the stairs, feeling more and more like he was walking towards the gallows with each step. 

“Oh, don’t you look so handsome!” his mother cooed when he walked into the kitchen. 

“Thanks.” Evan mumbled, still fiddling with his new cast-free arm. 

It still felt weird to Evan- he had the appointment to take it off right after school and it felt so foreign to have his arm back that he almost didn’t know what to do with it anymore. He’d enjoyed showering and getting ready without the hassle, and as such, hope mingled with the utter terror he felt for the upcoming evening. 

His mom had opted to wear nice white pants, and a fancy gray and black top, with her nicer kitten heels. 

She grabbed the wine and cheese plate she insisted on bringing and the two left. They spoke very little, Evan out of nerves, and Heidi out of apprehension, and before long, they pulled into the Murphy’s driveway. 

“Hello, hello!” Cynthia threw open the door before they could even knock. “Come on in!” 

“Hi, Sweetheart!” She gave Evan a hug when they’d gotten inside. "Don't you look nice!" Then she turned to Heidi. “I’ve been looking forward to this. It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Cynthia.” 

“Heidi. It’s nice to meet you too. I know, it’s about time.” the blonde laughed. “I’ve brought some wine, and a cheese and cracker tray.” 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that!” Cynthia gasped, delighted. 

“I figured it’s the least I could do, to thank you for your hospitality.” 

“Well, come on in to the kitchen, and we can unload this stuff.” Mrs. Murphy led the way. 

“Oh, my, your house is beautiful.” Heidi complimented as she was led around. 

“Thank you so much!” 

Only a few minutes later they were settled in the living room, wine in hand, when Mr. Murphy finally met them. 

“Evan, my boy, how are you doing?” he clapped Evan on the back, giving Evan his standard greeting. Then he strode across the room to Heidi and shook her hand. 

“So nice to finally meet you. I’m Larry.” 

Everyone took a seat, and Evan attempted not to curl into himself when the smalltalk began. 

“So, Evan tells us you’re studying to be a lawyer?” Cynthia asked. 

“A paralegal.” Heidi clarified. 

“Oh, that’s right!” she looked to Larry. 

“My office is always looking for paralegals!” he told her. 

Heidi shifted in her chair a little uncomfortably. “I still have another year to go before I even-” 

“Well, let me give you my card at least!” he insisted jovially. “So when you graduate you’ll have an outlet!” 

“Thank you…” she accepted the card, smiling and taking another sip of her wine. 

“Where are the kids?” Larry asked Cynthia. 

“Connor just went to pick up Zoe from band practice. They should be here any minute now.” his wife informed them. 

They lapsed into a short silence until Heidi spoke again. 

“I’m glad we’re finally doing this. What with all the time Evan’s been spending here, I’ve been wanting to thank you for letting him into your home like that.” 

“Oh, it’s no problem at all! It’s our pleasure.” Cynthia assured her. “Evan has been such a source of comfort since we met, and it’s like he’s another part of the family. Everything he’s given us, Zoe, and becoming a dear friend to our Connor, well, we’ve come to just love him to pieces.” 

“Which just speaks loudly as to how well you raised him.” Larry added, putting his hands on Evan’s shoulders. 

“Thank you.” Heidi flushed. “I like to think he’s a good kid.” 

“The best.” Larry laughed. 

“Sorry we’re late! Band went late again.” Zoe called as the door opened. 

“We’re just in here, having a glass of wine and getting to know each other.” Cynthia called to her daughter.

Evan stood as Zoe and Connor entered the room. He kissed her cheek in greeting, but she immediately walked over to his mom. 

“Hi, I’m Zoe. It’s so nice to meet you. Finally.” she said earnestly, shaking her hand. 

Dazzled, Heidi smiled right back. “It’s so nice to finally meet you too, Zoe.” Then her gaze drifted back over to the doorway. “And you must be Connor.” 

Cautiously Connor walked over and shook her hand. “Yes. It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Hansen.” 

“Oh, please, call me Heidi.” she grinned. 

“Why don’t you come in and sit down.” Larry suggested. Immediately Zoe sat next to Evan, but Connor remained standing, like his father. 

“So dinner should be ready in about 15 minutes. Evan said a baked ziti would be fine with you?” Mrs. Murphy asked. 

“Oh, yes, you really didn’t have to go to all that trouble-” 

“It was no trouble at all! It was the least we could do for our Evan’s mom! We wanted tonight to be special.” 

“Well it sounds delicious.” Heidi assured her. 

“Good!” 

“So, Heidi, you must be so proud of the Foundation your son started.” Larry offered. 

“It came as quite a shock.” Evan’s mom laughed. “But the Foundation’s success speaks loudly of your son and the importance of these kid’s hard work.” 

“Evan has been such a good influence on Connor.” Mr. Murphy said, missing Connor cringe at the words. 

“Well, it seems like the boys have both been good influences for each other.” Heidi agreed. “Evan has really branched out a lot, come out of his shell, and that is mostly thanks to your son and daughter.” 

Next to Evan, Zoe grabbed his hand and squeezed it happily. 

“So, Zoe, you’re in the band?” 

“Yes, I’m in the Jazz Band ensemble.” 

“I’ve heard you’re quite the talent.” Heidi smiled warmly as Zoe blushed. 

“And Connor, Evan has told me you’re into photography?” 

Connor nodded, missing the shocked look his parents shared. 

“I’m to understand that the pictures of the woods he has hung up all over his room now are the ones you took?” 

Connor looked to Evan in surprise as Evan sank down in the chair, his face crimson. 

“Must be, yeah.” Connor nodded. 

“They’re extraordinary. You’re quite the talent too.” 

“Thank you….” Connor said, surprised. 

“Now, kids, what’s the latest with the You Will Be Found Foundation?” Mrs. Murphy asked. 

They all filled the adults in on their plans for the fundraiser dance, and they even shared tips and ideas and did some brainstorming. 

Then it was time for dinner, and as they moved into the dining room, the conversation never lapsed. 

Evan held his breath the entire night, but things went fairly well. Heidi was a little intimidated by their wealth, it was obvious, and was taken aback by just how friendly they were with her son, but she was very graceful and composed and hid it very well. They shared funny stories of the kids, and Heidi got to know Zoe and Connor to her immense pleasure. She understood why Evan liked this girl so much; she was sweet, gorgeous, and also a little quirky. But it was also clear how much Zoe adored her baby boy, and how much he adored her in return. Heidi already approved of this girl, and was grateful Evan found such a catch for his first girlfriend. 

Connor was a little harder to figure out for her. He kept quiet, but opened up a little more when asked about what mischief he and Evan would get into. She laughed when he told stories about going on walks with Evan, and listening to him chatter about the trees, and she glowed with happiness when he told her that he had made Evan do a photoshoot. To her delight and Evan’s embarrassment, Connor agreed to send her the pictures. But she hasn’t forgotten what had happened to Connor just at the beginning of the year. Heidi’s heart broke for the boy, but as she watched her son and Connor shoot smirks at each other and tease each other, spouting off inside jokes, her heart warmed. He had clearly found a great outlet, full of supportive people, and she was incredibly grateful for that. 

After dinner, the adults disappeared into the kitchen to clean up and chat some more, having become fast friends through the course of the evening. Evan, Zoe, and Connor went back into the living room to lounge, all relieved. 

“So, are you happy we did this?” Zoe asked him sweetly, looking up at him. “It was worth the anxiety?” 

Evan looked down at her and smiled, then looked over to Connor. 

“Definitely.” he squeezed her hand. He felt like two separate worlds had just been joined together, and the feeling was indescribable. He leaned down to kiss her. “It was definitely worth it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been so long. I'm SO sorry. Hopefully this extra long chapter will make up for it!   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think!   
> Next chapter someone will make a move to stop the bullying- any guesses as to who it will be? Will it work? Tune in to find out! 
> 
> I hope everyone is having a safe and happy holiday! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and, as always, stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	20. If You Only Say The Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group comes together as the bullying gets worse.

Connor Murphy was actually having a good day for once. He had surprisingly had a decent conversation with his mother before he left for school, and they had agreed to do something together sometime that week- go see a movie or go out to lunch or something, which had Connor feeling uncomfortable, excited, and hopeful. At school his teachers actually let him be, which he figured might have to do with his improving grades. Less people were paying attention to him, and the lack of stares and whispering in the hallways made him feel lighter. He made his way to his locker, thinking maybe he’d go for a walk on the trail after school. 

“Connor.” 

The Murphy boy almost jumped as someone was suddenly standing beside him. 

“Kleinman?” Connor was startled to see Jared actually looked flustered. “What, here to ruin my actually decent day?” he joked, trying to diffuse tension. 

“We have to talk.” Jared’s expression was dark, and immediately the smirk fell off of Connor’s face. 

He followed the shorter boy without a word, and Jared led him to the third floor men’s bathroom. 

“Okay, Kleinman, what’s all this about? I’m assuming you didn’t bring me here-” 

“Something’s up with Evan.” 

Connor frowned. “What are you-?”

“Oh come on, you have to have noticed! He’s his normal self when he’s hanging with us or Zoe or he’s at home. But when he’s at school he’s just...he’s kinda like-” Jared stopped, sighing. “He’s on edge, jumpy, his anxiety is worse, he’s not sleeping, and he’s actually snapped at Alana and me a few times. He’s angry. It’s kinda like-”

“Me?” Connor challenged, getting the subtext of Jared’s words. 

“You at the beginning of the year.” Jared clarified. “You’ve been doing so much better, but it’s almost like Evan is reverting. He’s pushing people away- has he talked to you at school lately?” 

Connor wracked his brains, and internally cursed himself. He had been so wrapped up in his own progress that he hadn’t noticed his friend was slipping. Everything Jared had said was true. 

“Do you think it’s the bullying?” Connor asked, now feeling a bout of protectiveness wash over him. 

“I haven’t really seen what’s been happening- he refuses to talk about it. But that has to be it. I just tried to talk to him in the hall and he was barely hearing anything I said, and he got so skittish he was almost running when we got to the hallway his locker was in.” 

“Do you know when the next time he’ll be at his locker is?” Connor asked. 

“He’s been keeping all of his books in his bag, but I know he needs to swap things out after lunch.” 

“Okay. You up for a stake out, Kleinman?” 

“Always. We gonna see who’s messing with our boy?” Jared asked. 

“Damn straight.” 

* * * * * 

After lunch, Connor and Jared hung around the corner, where they had a perfect view of Evan’s locker. 

“Yeah, this is really subtle.” Jared rolled his eyes as both boys peeked around the corner. 

“Oh shut up, who cares?” Connor hissed in response to the sarcasm. 

Both boys watched as poor Evan Hansen scurried to his locker, moving as fast as he could. His fingers fumbled with the new lock in his hurry, and when he finally got it open he threw the books he didn’t need back in and grabbed the few he did. In his haste, he closed the door a little loudly, and he winced at the loud sound as he hurried off. But he hadn’t made it to the end of the hall before someone pulled him back by the loop on his backpack. Both Connor and Jared watched with horror as Evan, with a surprised squeak, was shoved up against the locker roughly. They heard Evan’s groan of pain, but the assailant leaned in close and said something to him that neither of the boys could hear. 

Evan’s eyes closed in resignation, and a single tear slid down his cheek. Finally, the bigger boy dropped Evan, and, laughing, walked away, saying “See ya later, Hansen!” 

Evan leaned his head up against the locker, his eyes still closed and he took a deep breath. When he opened them, his eyes were almost hollow. 

Jared instantly went to walk over to Evan, but Connor put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. He knew the expression on Evan’s face; it had been one that he had on his many times before. 

“We have to leave him alone for now.” 

“Are you kidding?!” Jared’s eyes flashed. 

“No. Going over to him now would just make him angry. He’s embarrassed and scared and doesn’t want to admit he needs help. Talking to him right now would do more harm than good. Trust me.” 

Jared looked like he wanted to argue, but when he saw the look in Connor's eyes, he deflated. “Fine. But are you seriously suggesting we don’t do anything?” Jared asked, his expression almost pleading. 

“Oh, no. Of course not.” Connor shook his head. “But first, we need more information. And then, we need more people in our corner.” 

“What are you thinking, Murphy?” 

Both of them watched as Evan, with his head down like a scolded dog, hurried out of the hallway, shaking like a leaf.

“Well, if we can’t take care of Evan without him getting upset, we just have to take care of the bullies, now don’t we?” Connor said, a sinister smile coming to his face. 

* * * * * 

“Alana!” 

Alana whirled around in alarm at the sound of two agitated voices calling her name. 

“Hey, guys!” she greeted Jared and Connor nervously. “What can I do for you?” 

“You’re the eyes and ears of this school. Who’s picking on Hansen.” Connor demanded to know. 

Alana sighed. “Like you said, guys, Evan’s going to be okay-” 

“Yeah, but he’s not.” Jared snapped. “Just look at the boy!” 

“Still, he doesn’t want anyone to get involved!” she insisted. 

“Alana.” Connor growled. 

Jared put a hand on Connor’s shoulder, seeing how agitated he was. Connor’s eyes closed, and he let out a shaky breath. 

“Okay. How about this: do you know WHY he’s being bullied so badly all of a sudden?” he tried again. 

Alana bit her lip. “They’re not happy that he’s dating Zoe. They keep making fun of him, saying that he’s dating both of the Murphy siblings.” she admitted reluctantly, her voice soft. 

Connor felt Jared’s eyes on him, but suddenly everything seemed very far away. “You’re telling me that he’s being tortured because he’s friends with me?” 

“No!” Alana’s eyes widened. “It’s stupid, it’s no-”

“But if I wasn’t friends with him, if I didn’t hang out with him, then they’d be leaving him alone.” 

“Connor.” Jared said sternly, forcing Connor to face him. “Do not forget how much your friendship means to Evan. Don’t you dare blame yourself for the stupidity of these high school idiots. They don’t understand anything.” 

“I just can’t believe that-”

“I mean, he’s also not as popular as Zoe.” Alana admitted sadly. “I think they’re mostly jealous that he got her attention when none of them did.” 

“Alana, we can’t let them keep doing this to Evan. It’s affecting him more than he’s trying to let on. You’ve seen it. Can we think of any way to help him?” 

“Of course, I wanna help! I’ve been trying to figure out how to. In fact, I have…” she hesitated. “I have pictures of some of the horrible messages they’ve left on or inside his locker, just in case.” she blushed. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” Connor was incredulous. 

“Because it wasn’t my decision to report them. And Evan has said many times he doesn’t want anyone interfering.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m not sitting back and watching this.” Jared shook his head. 

“Neither am I.” 

“I agree.” Alana said. 

“Okay, so, meet at my house after school?” Connor asked. 

“Why?” 

“Because, there’s one more person who needs to know about this. And she’s the one who’s going to figure out the best way to do this. We’re gonna tell Zoe.” 

After solidifying plans, Alana left for class, leaving Connor and Jared alone. 

“You know, I meant it.” Jared said to break the silence.

“What?”

“Do not blame yourself for what they’re doing to Evan.” 

Connor shook his head. “I didn’t even notice how bad he’d gotten. I noticed he wasn’t as happy at school, but I didn’t see the signs. How did I, of all people, not see the signs?” 

“Dude, cut yourself some slack. You’re going through shit too. And you’re focused on doing better and taking care of yourself, which, you should be. You deserve to be.” 

“Don’t say stuff like that to me.” Connor’s voice got soft. 

“What? Why?” Jared looked slightly offended. 

“It makes me wonder how, out of all people, Jared Kleinman has become someone in my life to say things like that to me.” 

Jared smirked. “Yeah, well, if you told me at the beginning of the year I’d be friends with Connor Murphy, I’d have laughed at you.” 

“A friend? Is that what I am, Kleinman?” Connor raised an eyebrow. “What happened to our agreement?” 

“Yeah, well, I can appreciate your sarcasm and wit. I love Evan, but you know how he handles sarcasm.”

“You sure it wasn’t my hair length that won you over? It’s school shooter chic.” Connor teased.

Jared winced. “Yeah, one of my worst moments.” he said apologetically. “I clearly don’t know how to handle myself in front of someone with so much charm.” he then teased back. 

“Stop it; you’re making me blush.” Connor put a hand to his heart, a goofy smile on his face. The two boys laughed. 

“Well, as much fun as this has been, I should actually go to class.” Jared laughed. “I’ll see you after school, Connor.” 

* * * * * 

“I’m home!” Connor called as he lazily kicked off his shoes and headed for the stairs. 

“Hi, Sweetheart!” Cynthia came out from the kitchen. “How was your day?”

Connor shrugged. “It was pretty good.” 

“Have you gotten that History test back?” she wanted to know. 

“Yeah, I got a 92.” 

“Connor! That’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you!” 

“Thanks.” Connor tried to suppress a smile. “Hey, is it okay if a few friends come by for a little?” 

“Sure, honey! Who’s coming? Are they staying for dinner?” 

“Probably not.” he shook his head. “It’ll just be Jared, Alana, Zoe, and I?” 

“The group for the Foundation? No Evan?” she asked, her head tilted a little in confusion. 

“No, he’s spending the night with his mom I think…” 

But Cynthia spotted the lie instantly. “Is Evan okay?” she questioned. 

“Yeah, just people giving him a hard time in school.” 

She frowned. “He’s being bullied?” 

“Yeah. And I don’t know how to help.” Connor admitted softly. 

“Just be there for him, Sweetie. That’s the only thing you can do. Don’t underestimate the importance of friendship. Having a good friend will make all the difference for him. I know it.” she hesitantly ran a hand through his hair supportively. 

At the gentle touch, Connor felt himself relax more. “Thanks, Mom.” he mumbled. 

“Of course, Connor. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk about something, I’m always here, okay?” 

Connor nodded. 

“I love you, Sweetheart.” 

“Love you too.” he mumbled. 

Feeling decidedly better, Connor trudged up to his room and half-heartedly went through his homework, blasting music in his headphones. When he finished, he lay on his bed, still listening to music, desperately wishing he hadn’t given up smoking. Before he knew it he’d sunk into the mattress and pillow and drifted off peacefully, only to be woken with a start by someone grabbing his wrist. 

“Holy shit!” Connor bolted upright in fear, his headphones falling off in the process. 

“Relax, Sleeping Beauty, it’s just me!” 

His heart still racing, Connor looked up to see Jared. 

“What the hell, Kleinman?!” Connor put his hand to his heart, hoping to slow it. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry!” Jared chuckled. “I yelled your name a bunch of times, but you couldn’t hear me past the headphones. Your sister got back from band practice and we’re all here, we’re just waiting on you, Sleeping Beauty!” 

Glaring, Connor stood up, stretching. 

“Someone’s crabby in the morning.” the shorter boy teased. “I should’ve just let you sleep- you looked so cute.” 

Connor punched him in the arm. “Let’s go, asshole.” 

They joined the rest of the group in the basement. Zoe looked very confused as to what was going on. But she relaxed a little when her brother walked into the room. 

As everyone sat down, she looked around. “What is this, an intervention?” she joked nervously. 

“Of sorts…” Jared admitted. 

Zoe looked to her brother quickly. 

“This is about Evan.” he assured her. 

“People have been picking on him at school.” Alana said softly. 

“I’m sorry...what.” Zoe was confused. 

“At the party that night at my house, I guess people saw you two kissing, and they’ve been bullying him ever since.” Jared sighed. 

“How.” Zoe demanded. 

“They’ve been tripping him, shoving him into lockers, calling him names. They’ve left pictures and messages on his locker, stuffed condoms in his locker...” 

“What.” 

“He’s been a wreck, and he’s been trying to hide it from us.” Connor shook his head.

“But he’s totally fine!” Zoe insisted. “We just made plans to go on a date this Saturday! He’s totally normal around me, in fact, he’s better!” 

“Have you seen him at school lately?” Connor asked gently. 

“Because I’m here to tell you, he’s totally different. He even snapped at me when I tried to help him. It’s slowly unraveling him.” 

“I don’t-” Zoe was lost for words. 

“Look.” Alana pulled out her phone, pulling up pictures of Evan’s locker. 

"And today Jared and I watched him being shoved up against a locker and threatened." 

Zoe’s hand went to her mouth in shock and horror. 

“How did I not know?” 

“Because Evan is Evan, and he never wants to admit he needs help.” Jared pointed out sadly.

Zoe’s hands clenched into fists. 

“So let’s figure out what we can do. The You Will Be Found Foundation is about making sure people know they’re not alone. About standing up for what’s right. And right now the person who started the whole thing to help people is being bullied.” Alana said. 

“Oh, not anymore.” Zoe laughed darkly. 

They all turned to look at her, shocked at the low, threatening sound of her voice. 

“This ends now.” she looked around at them. “No one is getting away with this. Who’s with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! So sorry it's been so long! As an apology, here's a longer chapter! I know it's a tad dramatic, but as you guys have been BEGGING for Zoe to find out and go on a rampage with her brother, I figured go hard or go home, right? What do you guys think? Any particular things you want to see in the future? 
> 
> Tune in next time for some justice for our boy Evan! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around and reading! It means the world to me.  
> Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	21. Reach Out Your Hand Part 2/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rampage everyone has been waiting for!

Zoe Murphy stormed down the hallway her boyfriend’s locker was in. 

“Brandon!” she yelled, attracting a few strange looks. 

“H-hi, Zoe.” Brandon Green, gossip king of the school, stammered, not meeting her eye. 

“Yeah. Hi.” 

“What’s up?” he asked nervously. 

“Let’s not play games. Who’s the person picking on my boyfriend.” she demanded. 

Instantly, Brandon’s eyebrows rose. “So it’s true? You’re dating Hansen?” 

Sticking her chin out defiantly, she crossed her arms. “Yes. So what?” 

He shrugged. “You guys have been pretty quiet about it...Why all the secrecy?” 

“The last time I checked, my relationship is my business.” 

Brandon put his hands up in surrender. 

“Hey, no arguments from me on that. But people have made it their business. They’ve been giving the poor kid a pretty hard time.” he admitted. 

“I know. But Evan’s been quiet about it. But I know you’ll know all about it.” 

“Maybe…What do you want to know?” 

“What they’re saying, and who started it.” 

“Rumor is he’s dating you and your brother.” 

Zoe rolled her eyes, disgusted.

“They say you’re only dating him because he keeps your brother from killing himself, so you feel like you owe him.” Brandon cringed, and Zoe felt her blood begin to boil. 

“Who started all of this?” 

“Well, apparently, Dylan Hughes saw you two kissing at Kleinman’s party. It’s mostly him and his posse.” 

“Thanks.” Zoe turned on her heel. 

“Hey, Zoe.” he called after her. 

She turned. 

“For the record, Hansen’s a cool guy. Most of the school thinks so. I hope a few ignorant idiots don’t get him too down.” 

Managing a smile, Zoe muttered a thank you. 

When she turned around, she was surprised to see Evan was now at his locker. Looking at him closely, Zoe felt her heart clench painfully. She now saw everything her brother, Jared and Alana were talking about. 

She walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. 

He jumped, tensing instantly. 

“Hey, there.” she greeted, forcing a smile, though her heart sunk lower at his reaction. 

“Zoe!” the anxious boy barely masked his relief. 

“How are you?” she leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

“I’m-I’m good, you know- it’s, you know, school.” 

He hadn’t stammered in front of her in a long time, and the tiny relapse made her want to go on a rampage against those responsible.

“H-how are you?” he asked. 

“I’m good.” she grinned. “Hey, my parents were complaining that they haven’t seen you since we had dinner with your mom last week. Do you wanna come over for dinner tonight?” 

She melted when a genuine grin spread across his face and he eagerly agreed. 

“I’ve gotta get to class, but I’ll see you later.” she squeezed his hand. 

But she couldn’t concentrate in class, her thoughts preoccupied by the best course of action to help her boyfriend. Suddenly a bright idea came to her mind, and she got out a piece of paper. She began to write, her hand flying across the paper. 

* * * * * 

Dylan Hughes trudged to his locker, tired but glad the school day was finally over. 

His friend Seth followed him, talking his ear off. 

“Dude, consider yourself lucky you don’t have Mrs. McKinley. She’s such a royal bitch.” he groaned. 

“Yeah, but I have Schneider, so I’m not that lucky.” 

“True.” Seth laughed. “So we’re meeting for that group project later, right?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dylan waved him off. “I’ll be there. Now scram.” 

“Later, dude.” 

Dylan finally reached his locker, and was surprised to see a folded letter laying there. Intrigued, he opened it. It read:

"So I hear you like leaving notes in people’s lockers! Let me return the favor.  
I’d like to be very clear. Evan Hansen’s life and his relationships are his business, and his business only. But because your ignorance is rubbing off on others and creating trouble, I’ll set the record straight.  
Meet me in the upstairs lounge after school. 

Zoe Murphy

P.S. Before you think of chickening out, know that I have some leverage you might want to know about."

* * * * * 

Jared sat in the lounge next to Connor, trying not to go mad from boredom. 

“He’s not coming!” he said for what felt like the hundredth time. 

“Chickenshit.” Connor muttered. 

“He’ll come.” Zoe insisted stubbornly. 

Finally, Dylan Hughes walked into the room, looking untroubled and bored. 

“Hi, Dylan.” Zoe greeted him with false brightness. 

“What’s up, Zoe?” he raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, I think you know.” she smiled. “We just need to have a little chat.” she walked closer to him, and Connor and Jared stood. 

“You’re gonna leave Evan alone.” she told him. 

“Oh, am I?” Dylan laughed. 

“Yes, you are.” Connor said darkly. 

Dylan smirked. “What, protecting your boyfriend, Murphy?” “ 

Jared rolled his eyes. “Evan isn’t dating Connor, you homophobic piece of crap. He-”

“Why, are you?” Dylan shot back. 

Jared scoffed. “Sounds to me like you’re jealous. What, your girlfriend not doing if for you anymore, Hot Shot? Cause I’m sure people would love to hear about that.” 

“You’re not the only one who can start rumors that aren’t true, you know.” Zoe taunted. 

Dylan’s jaw clenched. 

“Maybe your wimp of a boyfriend shouldn’t be such an easy target. He’s pathetic with all of his stuttering and-” 

“You little-” Connor lunged for him, but, anticipating that, Jared grabbed him, holding him back. 

“I’m not afraid of you, Trash Can!” Dylan sneered. 

Calmly Zoe stepped in front of her brother. 

“Listen. I’ll make it simple so that your brain can comprehend this: You’re gonna leave Evan alone, and get everyone else you’ve gotten to bully him to leave him alone. Or else these are gonna show up on the Principal’s desk.” 

She held up her phone to show him one of the pictures Alana took of Dylan putting something on Evan’s locker, smirking in triumph. 

Dylan’s eyes widened. “Where did you get that?” 

The group ignored his question. 

“You think bullying is so cool? Let’s see how cool you are when you’re suspended from school!” Jared said cheerfully. 

Connor, who had finally been let go, got in Dylan’s face. “Unlike you, I don’t have a lot to lose; If I hear that you even went within five feet of Evan or his locker, I WILL kick your ass. And I will gladly be suspended for it.” 

“Do we make ourselves clear?” Zoe asked. 

When he didn’t answer she repeated herself sharply. 

“Yes!” he finally yelled. 

“Good. Now have a nice day.” she stepped aside cheekily to let him pass. 

Slowly Dylan turned and went to leave. 

“Bitch.” he muttered. 

“Hey, Dylan.” she said. When he turned she stared at him for a moment. Then, without warning, she lunged forward, punching him so hard his head snapped back. 

Cursing, his hand flew to his face, blood running from his nose. 

“That’s for Evan. Now get out of my sight.” she spat. 

Still cursing, Dylan hurried out of the room, leaving behind two impressed boys and one proud girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed that chapter! Zoe finally kicked some ass, so I hope no one is disappointed!  
> Up next: Jared and Connor get closer, and the fundraiser dance is held! 
> 
> Please please please let me know what you think, and let me know what you'd like to see in future chapters! I welcome any feedback! 
> 
> As for some exciting news- I have just uploaded the first chapter of a new fic! If any of you are fans of the show Sherlock, please consider checking out my new fic! I would be so grateful! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone! I appreciate it more than I can say.  
> As always, stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	22. Try To Quiet The Noises In Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan suspects to worst, and Connor and Jared make plans.

“Evan? Honey?” 

Evan lifted his gaze from his half-eaten breakfast to meet his mother’s. 

“Yeah?” he responded, noting by the tone of her voice it wasn’t the first time she’d called his name. 

“Are you alright?” she gently ran a hand through his hair, motherly concern taking over. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sleeping okay?” 

Evan nodded, too tired to lie. 

“Evan, you know you can tell me anything, right?” she fixed her knowing eyes on him. 

“Yeah, of course.” he assured her softly. 

“So what’s going on?” she tried again, her eyes imploring him. 

He hesitated, for a moment considering telling her everything. But he knew there was nothing she could do about it, and it would only make her worry to know he was being pushed around at school. Luckily, he was saved just in time when Zoe’s car beeped outside. 

“I’ve gotta go. Have a good day.” he gave her a quick hug. “Love you.” 

“I love you too, Evan.” 

On the ride to school, Evan’s mind raced. He knew his mother was right to be concerned. He was aware he was spiraling. His anxiety was at an all time high, and he wasn’t sleeping or eating well. He was constantly looking over his shoulder for any sign of Dylan or the others. He was so afraid for what would come that when it finally happened, it was almost a relief. 

Strangely, nothing had happened for a few days, since the day he had dinner at the Murphy’s. But that only made his mind swim with questions and worry; Was it over? Was it just the calm before the storm? Were they planning something worse? 

He’d been on edge for days, which didn’t escape the notice of his girlfriend. 

“Evan, are we ever gonna talk about it?” she finally asked when they’d pulled into the school parking lot. 

“About what?” he stared out the window. 

She sighed. “Evan, I know what’s been going on. What Dylan and his buddies have been up to.” 

Evan’s eyes widened, and he managed to ask “How?” 

“That’s not important. But why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I-” 

“Dylan won’t be bothering you anymore.” she promised. 

“What did you do?” Evan asked, his heart dropping. 

After a moment, Zoe admitted everything that had happened. 

“Jesus, Zoe.” Evan breathed. 

“I know, I just-” 

“Why would you do that?” his voice raised a little. 

“They were messing with my boyfriend and my family!” 

“So that’s why nothing has happened the past few days.” Evan realized. 

“Damn straight.” Zoe nodded. “I look after those I’m closest to.” 

“But I never asked you to.” Evan said softly. 

“What?” Zoe looked at him in shock and confusion. 

But Evan, embarrassed and confused, was getting worked up. “I never asked you to take care of things for me, Zoe! Look, thank you for trying to help and for caring, but...I can take care of myself.” he shook his head, rushing out of the car and away from the unplanned confrontation. 

Walking quickly through the school, he got to the bathroom and went into the handicap stall, sitting with his head between his knees, trying to take deep breaths. But fighting with his girlfriend had been the icing on the cake, and his whole body shook and he couldn’t stop the tears as he mourned the loss of the his girlfriend, best friend, and second family. He knew he’d messed everything up in just one moment, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t breathe. As he became lightheaded, he debated messaging Jared for help, but he worried that with Connor and Jared’s new friendship he might lose Jared as well. But another person came to mind, and with another shaky breath, he pulled out his phone. 

* * * * * 

“Oh god I’m finally coming to the realization I’m actually gonna have to go to this stupid dance.” Connor groaned. 

It was after school, and Connor and Jared sat outside the school, waiting for Evan to come out so they could go hang out at Connor’s before that night, when the whole You Will Be Found Foundation had the final meeting to prepare for the dance. Connor and Evan had insisted Jared come, wanting to include him and kill time before the meeting.

Jared let out a short laugh. “Been pushing that thought away from your mind, huh?” 

“It’s not funny, asshole!” Connor punched Jared. “Dances are so not my thing.” 

“And they seem like mine?” Jared raised an eyebrow sarcastically. 

“I don’t even know if I have anything to wear.” 

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to tone the gay down. It doesn’t really matter what you wear.” 

“Would you want-” But Connor stopped himself. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, I just...I don’t really want to go alone.” Connor stared at the ground, kicking at a rock. “Would you, uh, maybe want to go with me?” 

“Are you asking me out, Murphy?” Jared smirked. 

“In your dreams.” Connor scoffed. “I just don’t want to be there alone, and I know Evan is going with my sister, and-” 

“Yeah, why not?” Jared interrupted. 

“Really?” 

“Don’t look so surprised. I’ve gotten no better offers.” he shrugged. 

“Well, okay…” 

“So it’s a date, then.” Jared teased. 

“It is NOT a date. Oh Jesus, I regret this already.” Connor groaned.

They both laughed, and both boys continued waiting for their friend in silence. Connor’s mind was racing as he realized how happy and relieved he felt that he was going to the dance with Jared, and Jared’s heart was beating faster at the hope that maybe, just maybe, it was a date after all. It surprised him just how happy that thought made him, and his stomach fluttered. 

The two friends were so caught up in their own thoughts that both jumped when a voice behind them said “Hi, guys.” 

“Oh, hey, Alana.” Connor nodded. 

“What’re you guys up to?” she inquired brightly, walking over to the two boys. 

“Just waiting for Evan.” Jared shrugged. 

“Oh.” Alana’s face fell. “Uh, you guys might be on your own, then.” 

“What do you mean?” Connor frowned. 

“Well, uh, this morning, he texted me. He was having a breakdown. Asked me to meet him in one of the private practice rooms for the music students.” 

“What?” Jared and Connor exchanged a look. 

“I, uh, guess he found out about Zoe and Dylan, and he wasn’t happy. Apparently he got upset and they fought, and now he’s beside himself. He’s convinced that he and Zoe are over, and that because he was, as he put it, an “ungrateful asshole”, you two are going to want nothing to do with him either.” 

“What?!” Connor’s hand balled into fists at his side. 

“Oh my god.” Jared breathed, his eyes closing in resignation.

“Yeah, he was pretty bad when I found him. I managed to calm him down and help a little, but he said he was going to try and figure things out, and he would try to make the meeting tonight.” 

“Oh, hell no, he is not missing this!” Connor objected. 

“Thanks for telling us, Alana.” Jared said. “Don’t worry, we’ll all be at the meeting tonight. Be there at 7:30. Don’t forget.” 

Alana scoffed. “Like I would forget. Okay, sounds good. See you later!” she waved and set off towards her car. 

Connor and Jared shared a look. “Let’s go.”

“First we have to find my sister.” Connor said. 

Both boys made their way to the Band Room, where they knew Zoe would be, practicing after school. Outside the classroom, they flagged her down, waving until they got her attention. When she spotted her brother and Jared, her eyes widened in confusion, and she quickly went to the teacher to ask to use the bathroom. 

“What’s going on?” she asked. 

Looking at his sister, Connor noticed that Zoe was a mess. Her eyes were a little red, her normally immaculate hair was tangly (as he noticed this she ran her hand through her hair agitatedly as if to verify his thoughts), and her usual smile was missing completely. 

“Evan’s panicking.” Connor said. “He thinks you two aren’t together anymore and that we all hate him now.” 

Her eyes widened. 

“He stood us up hanging out before the meeting.” 

She sighed. “I have to talk to him.” 

“Yeah, we’re going to find him now…” Jared nodded. 

“I’m coming.” she said. “Let me just grab my stuff.” 

Once she returned they piled into Connor’s car, and they went straight to Evan’s house. Their concern grew, however, when they saw that no one was home. 

“Where did he go?” Jared’s face was drawn with concern. 

“He’s on the tracks. Or the orchard.” Connor ducked back in the car, quickly followed by the other two. 

“Where exactly are we going?” Jared asked. 

“You’ll see. It’s just a place I showed Evan that kind of became our safe place.” 

When they finally reached the tracks, both Zoe and Jared caught their breaths in wonder. 

“This is amazing!” Zoe breathed.

“I can definitely see why Evan would like it.” Jared grinned. 

They made their way down the trail, none of them saying much, occasionally just pointing out the beautiful scenery. 

Finally they made it to the orchard, and they all sighed with relief when they saw a familiar figure sitting on the ground, leaning up against the trunk of a tree. 

“Evan!” they called. 

Evan’s head snapped up in shock, his eyes puffy and red from crying. Immediately he scrambled to his feet. 

“I’m sorry, I’m-” 

“Evan.” Zoe interrupted him gently. She carefully walked closer to him, almost like approaching a scared animal. “Evan, I was wrong. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have just made your decisions for you. I was just so angry...I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

But Evan was shaking his head. “N-no, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, Zoe. I’m so sorry I’m so- I just, don’t know what’s wrong with me, and now you- I mean, you and I-”

“Evan, Alana talked to the boys and told me what you’re so worried about. I’m not...I’m not breaking up with you. That is, unless you want to.” Zoe swallowed the lump in her throat. 

Evan’s eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. 

Zoe let out a little chuckle, taking his hand and squeezing it. 

“Okay, good. But now that we found you...can we maybe talk about it, Evan?” she asked gently. 

Evan bit his lip, playing with the edge of his shirt anxiously. 

“Please, dude? We really want to help and be there for you.” Jared pleaded. 

Finally, Evan nodded quietly, and they all sat on the grass. 

The three of them waited patiently, until finally Evan was ready. 

“I- I was always afraid of being invisible. I thought no one really saw me, and- and I desperately wanted someone, anyone to really see me. But...when it all started, it was like my worst nightmare. I was suddenly being noticed in the worst possible way. The names they called me, and what they said-” he paused. “I couldn’t get them out of my head. And I- I wanted to stand up for myself, but what if they’re right?” he tugged at his thumb. 

He locked eyes with Connor, and saw a silent question in them. 

“This summer…” he stopped, clearing his throat. “This summer I didn’t fall out of the tree.” 

Connor’s breath hitched in surprise, and Zoe and Jared looked at him in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” Jared asked, his stomach dropping. 

“I let- I let go.” Evan stared at the ground. 

“Evan.” Zoe breathed. Her grip on his hand tightened. 

“Oh my god.” Jared’s eyes closed, his face crumpling in pain as his hands balled into fists by his side.

“I used to wish it had worked. To me, it was just another thing I messed up. But now, I'm glad it didn't, and I haven't looked back. Every time they pushed me up against a locker or- or said anything, I just kept thinking of that moment.” Evan whispered. “I kept thinking and promising myself that nothing, not even being bulli-bullied, would ever be enough to send me to such a low place again.”

He looked up to meet Zoe’s eyes, which were filled with tears. “That’s why my letter got confused for Connor’s. That’s why I started the Connor Project.” 

“Evan, you will never be alone. You taught me that. I’m so sorry you dealt with that alone, and I’m so sorry I took matters into my own hands with Dylan. I hope you know that no matter what happens between us, you’ll always have us to lean on. To talk to.” 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate everything you did for me. Thank you. For caring. I hope you know how much you all mean to me.” 

She laid her head on his shoulder, sighing. “We kinda love you, Evan.” 

“I kinda love you too.” Evan smiled, kissing her forehead. 

The reconciled couple didn’t notice that silent tears were streaming down Jared’s face, or that, seeing them, Connor laid a hand over his in silent comfort. 

“Anyone have a feeling this dance should just be for us to begin with?” Connor asked drily, breaking the tension. 

Everyone laughed, drying their tears. There was a quiet moment where everyone pulled themselves together, just being thankful they were all there, together. 

“I think more people can relate to us than we think.” Evan smiled shyly, looking at Connor. 

“This is why we’re doing this!” Zoe agreed. “Now, can we go have a meeting to make sure it happens?” she looked up at her boyfriend. 

“Yeah, enough with this Cheesefest.” Jared cleared his throat, standing up. 

“Ev?” he stretched out his hand, and Evan took it. Jared helped him up, and when Evan was on his feet Jared roughly pulled him into a hug, which Evan reciprocated after a moment of shock.

“Okay, can we just get this over with?” Connor groaned. 

“Careful, if you keep talking like that I’ll start to think you don’t want to take me to the dance!” Jared teased. 

As they made their way back to the tracks, Connor loudly declared “Anyone want to swap dates with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update for you guys! I hope you enjoy how this is going!   
> Please let me know what you think- I love to hear from you guys, and see what's working and what's not. Have I lost anyone?! 
> 
> What would you guys like to see/think will happen at this dance? 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	23. Dance Like All The Rest Of The World Isn't There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The school dance the Foundation organized has finally arrived! Will Evan's anxiety get the better of him? Will Connor kill his date? Find out!

“Evan! C’mon, jackass, we’re gonna be late!” Jared knocked on the door of the bathroom impatiently. 

The door flew open and Jared sighed as he saw his friend panicking, staring at nothing in the mirror and doing his calm breathing exercises. 

“Evan. It’ll be fine. There’ll be way too many people there for anything to happen to you. And you’ll be with all of us all night, cause we’re running the thing.” he put his hand on Evan’s shoulder. 

Evan nodded quickly, letting out a breath. 

“Besides, you look good!” Jared acknowledged. 

Evan managed a thank you as he looked down, wiping his hands on his pants. Evan had decided to wear khaki pants and a button down shirt that was, surprisingly, not blue but a deep burgundy color, with a black and silver tie to complete the look. 

“You look good too, Jared.” Evan said quickly, noticing that Jared had actually decided to dress up...as much as Jared Kleinman ever would. He had decided to wear jeans and a logo t-shirt, but he had a black suit jacket over it. 

Jared grinned. “Thanks, Acorn! Let’s go, alright? We have to meet at the Murphy’s to pick up our dates! I guess Mrs. Murphy wants pictures.” 

“I-I thought that you weren’t dates…” Evan asked, confused. 

“That’s just what he says, but trust me, he wants it to be a date.” he joked, but then he sighed. “But we gotta go. Can’t leave Zoe waiting, right?” 

At the mention of his girlfriend’s name, Evan perked up but again rubbed his hands along his pants nervously. 

“You boys look so handsome!” Heidi gushed as the two friends walked down the stairs. 

“Thanks, Mom.” Evan mumbled as she ran a hand through his hair lovingly. 

“Thanks, Mrs. Hansen!” Jared grinned brightly. 

“So you’re staying over tonight, right Jared?” she asked. 

“If you’ll have me, Mrs. H!” Jared’s fondness for Evan’s Mom seeped into his voice as he smiled at her. 

“You know you’re always welcome here!” Heidi grinned and tossed Jared his keys, and the two boys gave her a hug and left. 

They were welcomed warmly into Murphy residence, where Alana was already waiting in the living room. She was dressed nicely in a dark blue dress that fit at her waist and flared out, with her hair in an updo. 

“Zoe! Connor! Your dates are here!” Cynthia called cheerfully. 

“Mom!” Connor groaned from somewhere upstairs. “I told you it’s not a date!” 

“Sorry!” she giggled. 

A minute later Connor came clomping down the stairs. Evan and Jared’s eyes widened. Connor was wearing his usual black skinny jeans and combat boots, but he was also wearing a gray button down shirt with the tie his mother had gotten him. He’d even put gel in his hair, slicking it back to make it look neater. 

Seeing his friends stare, his eyes narrowed. “Don’t even start.” he warned. 

“But you look so handsome, Connor!” Cynthia cooed. 

“You do look really nice.” Evan agreed quietly. 

“I got a hot date!” Jared teased. 

“Zoe!” Larry called. “Your mother is getting impatient to take pictures!” 

“Okay okay I’m coming!” Zoe’s laugh came from the bathroom upstairs.

A few minutes later she joined the group, dressed in a form-fitting maroon dress to match her boyfriend. 

Said boyfriend stared at her and she made her way over, kissing him on the cheek. 

“You look...you look beautiful.” he managed, and she beamed in response. 

“Okay okay pictures!” Mrs. Murphy said excitedly, ushering them in front of the fireplace. 

She took pictures of the couples (despite Connor’s protests that he and Jared were certainly NOT a couple), then of the whole group. 

“Okay, Mom, we’re gonna be late.” Connor complained eventually. 

“Fine, you guys can head out. Be safe and have fun, okay?” she grinned at them all. 

With mumbles of agreement, the friends filed out of the door and headed to the dance. 

As the group walked into the school and headed towards the gym that was already loud and bursting with students. 

“Look at how many people came!” Alana whispered excitedly. “That’ll definitely be enough to pay for the decorations with plenty left over to give to the charity!” she beamed, looking to Evan proudly. 

Evan managed a grin but felt his anxiety beginning to creep in, as it had been trying to overwhelm him all day. For the moment he managed to push it back and enjoy being with his best friends and girlfriend. 

“They they are, the team of the hour!” one of the sweet secretaries at the school greeted them warmly, ushering them inside the crowded gym. 

Both Evan and Connor looked at each other, a silent understanding passing between them. The two boys were completely out of their element; one boy felt overwhelmed and anxious in crowds, and the other purposely avoided socializing and put up tough exterior to keep others at a distance. 

Without a word the two boys stood closer to each other. 

Immediately one of Zoe’s friends rushed up to her, squealing about how pretty she looked. Zoe returned the compliment and shot Evan an apologetic look when she was dragged off towards her circle of friends, managing to tell him to grab some punch for the two of them and she’d meet him over there in just a few minutes. 

Gratefully, Evan made his way to the refreshment tables, Connor hot on his heels, Jared tagging along as well. 

“I should talk to the DJ about making some of those announcements…” Alana mentioned, strolling off towards the DJ stand. 

“So...we having fun yet?” Jared asked sarcastically. 

Connor rolled his eyes while Evan mumbled a very unconvincing “Yeah, definitely!” 

The three boys stood quietly for a few minutes, watching the huge population of kids already dancing and taking pictures. 

Zoe appeared a moment later. 

“Sorry about that!” she took her boyfriends hand, her other hand taking the cup of punch he handed her. 

“No problem.” Evan told her, smiling softly. 

“So, are you boys just gonna stand on the side the gym all night watching everyone else?” she teased them, amused. 

“Probably.” Connor shrugged. 

“Of course you are!” Alana laughed, joining them. “But we ARE the people who organized this whole thing- so we have to take a picture under the arch and stuff!” she insisted, ushering them towards the other side of the gym. 

“No way am I getting my picture taken here like this!” Connor protested. 

“Aww come on, my date looks hot, he should show it off!” Jared wiggled his eyebrows.

“Besides, YOU were the one who insisted the rest of the kids wouldn’t participate in any games or anything, so we should just do a photo arch and pins instead.” Zoe reasoned. 

“Still! Ev?” Connor desperately looked at his best friend for backup. 

“She has you there.” Evan laughed softly. 

“Wow. Thanks for having my back, man. I see how it is.” Connor glared at Evan playfully, making the anxious boy laugh harder. 

The archway they had set up to take pictures in looked beautiful, they all had to admit. Delicate fairy lights lit it up, and the sign saying You Will Be Found perfectly fit the occasion. 

They took a few pictures of the whole group- some nice, some goofy, then of the dates (much to Connor’s dismay). Evan felt some of his anxiety slip away, replaced with a light warmth as he looked at all of his friends. But that ended when Zoe looked up at him adoringly. 

“Evan, I wanted to introduce you to some of my friends...would that be okay with you?” 

Instead of warmth, a shard of ice flooded through his veins at his words. 

“You don’t have to!” she added quickly, seeing his panic-stricken expression. “I just feel bad every time I have to leave you to talk to them…” 

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to pick between me and your friends!” Evan’s eyes widened in horror as he bit his lip. 

“No, it’s okay! If you’re not comfortable or ready I understand- it’s kind of a crowd, so-” 

“I’ll do it.” Evan said suddenly, his voice strong. 

“What? Really?” Zoe looked at him in shock. “You really don’t have to Evan, are you sure? Like really positive?” 

Evan nodded. “I want to. I...think I can.” 

“Okay!” Zoe beamed and grabbed his hand, waving goodbye to the others as they headed off. 

“Poor guy.” Connor mumbled, making Jared laugh. 

“I’m gonna go mingle, make sure people are taking pictures and the pins we made!” Alana hurried off, leaving Jared and Connor alone. 

“I’m surprised you’re not out being a spazz on the dance floor.” Connor looked at Jared curiously. 

“I wouldn’t leave my date!” Jared teased before turning serious. “Seriously, though, I came with you...I’m gonna stick with you. That is, if you want me to.” he shrugged. 

Connor gave him a lopsided grin. “Are you just being nice to me so I’ll admit you’re my ‘date’?” he goaded his friend. 

“Maybe…” Jared chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Well, if you want to stick with me, you might have to break some rules.” Connor smirked as he started walking towards the exit at the back of the gym. 

“Where are you going?” Jared sped up to catch up to the taller boy. 

“I’m escaping all the noise.” 

“I thought hating noise and crowds was Evan’s thing!” Jared heckled, earning himself a glare. 

“Shut up, Kleinman.” 

They started walking through the empty halls, and finally Connor spoke. 

“God, I really wish I had some weed.” the taller boy laughed nervously. 

Jared gave him a questioning look. 

“I, uh, stopped smoking after I was let out of the hospital, but old habits die hard, ya know?” 

“Yeah, I can understand that.” Jared let out a bitter laugh, staring at his shoes. “At least your thing only affected you. My bad habit is being a dick to the people I care about.” He slid down the row of lockers to sit on the ground. 

“It didn’t affect just me, though.” Connor shook his head. “It took me a while to figure that out, but it messed up my whole family...my parents and Zoe are all different because of the stupid choices I made.” 

“I found out I almost drove my best friend to kill himself.” Jared’s voice was almost a whisper. “I...I haven’t really been able to think of anything else since.” 

Connor had never seen the normally vibrant boy so dejected, and he felt a strange twinge in his chest. He took a seat next to his friend. 

“Hey. Whatever happened between you and Evan before, however you treated him, it’s in the past. It doesn’t really matter anymore. Evan knows you’re his friend, that you care about him. That’s the most important thing, isn’t it?” 

“I just can’t believe I was such a shitty friend. Such a shitty person.” a few tears rolled down Jared’s face. 

“You’re not a shitty person.” Connor objected. 

“Yeah, right. Even when I’m trying to be nice, I’m making you uncomfortable by insisting it’s a date.” Jared gave him a “don’t bullshit me” look. 

Connor sighed. “If I’m being honest...it doesn’t really bother me when you say that.” 

“Really?” 

Clearly a little uncomfortable with the unexpected heart-to-heart, Connor frowned. “What bothers me is knowing...or thinking (because I don’t really know what YOU think or feel) , that you may mean it in a different way than I think or want you to mean it.” 

Jared raised an eyebrow. “What are you trying to say?” 

“Nothing, forget it.” Connor shook his head. 

“Nope!” Jared said brightly, a sudden rush of hope blossoming through him. “It’s Honesty Time.” 

* * * * * 

Evan Hansen was actually proud of himself for a change. He knew his mother would be too when he told her he let Zoe introduce him to all of her friends. Granted, he didn’t say much, just a timid “Hi”, but it was still progress, and not something he would have been able to do at the beginning of the year. He let Zoe make the introductions, and was embarrassed but pleased when she introduced him as “My boyfriend, Evan.” He paid strict attention when she said her friends names so he wouldn’t forget them: nothing was worse for his anxiety than talking to someone whose name he didn’t remember (as he would end up spending the whole conversation trying to remember or figure out a “sneaky” way to find out what their name was before he forget, all while silently panicking). 

He was a tad uncomfortable when a few of them asked him questions about himself, and shy when they praised him for starting the Foundation and planning the dance, but he was able, with Zoe’s help and supportive smiles and hand squeezes, to maintain a conversation with them. 

“I can’t believe you’ve had a boyfriend all this time and never told us!” one of Zoe’s friends nudged her. 

Zoe smiled. “Evan’s just shy, so we were quiet about it in general.” 

“Aww that’s kinda sweet. Shy guys are rare in this school.” her friend laughed, making Evan blush. 

Suddenly the song changed and all of Zoe’s friends perked up instantly, most of them squealing something along the lines of “Oh my god I love this song!” 

“Do you wanna dance?” Zoe asked Evan, a light twinkle in her eye betraying the fact that she already knew the answer. 

“Uh…” 

“It’s okay, Evan” she giggled. She leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, taking the opportunity to mutter “You’ve done enough for one night, silly” so that no one else could hear.

“Have fun with your friends. I’ll see you in a bit?” 

As she nodded, her friends dragged her towards the middle of the gym to dance. 

Evan decided he needed a breath of fresh air, so he quietly snuck out of the gym, reassuring the secretary that was guarding the doors that he was alright. 

The cool fresh air felt wonderful, and Evan let out a deep breath as he enjoyed the silence. He listened to the wind rustle the leaves on the trees, and felt at peace as he heard the crunch of gravel under his feet. 

He pondered how only a few months ago he wouldn’t have been able to introduce himself and hold a conversation with a group of people. But a few months ago he hadn’t had a group of wonderful friends, a beautiful girlfriend, open communication with his mother, and a pair of people who were like second parents to him. A small smile lit up Evan’s face as he looked up at the stars, feeling the cool wind brush his face. 

But he was distracted when a sudden sniff broke the silence. Evan turned the corner and his eyes widened when he saw Alana sitting on a bench alone, crying quietly.   
“Alana?” Evan asked softly, cautiously walking towards the upset girl. 

At the sound of her name, Alana looked up sharply, startled. “Evan?” her eyes widened and she quickly tried to hide her tears, wiping her damp cheeks. 

“Are...are you okay?” Evan shuffled awkwardly, staring at his feet. 

“Y-yeah, of course!” Alana’s voice was falsely high and bright. A tone Evan knew all too well. 

Evan sighed, sitting down next to his friend. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” he told her simply. “But I won’t leave you to cry alone.” 

Alana’s eyes filled with tears again at his kind words. “People hate me.” she whispered, a few tears escaping and rolling down her cheeks. Evan listened patiently as she continued. “No one at this dance wants to talk to me...and I know it’s stupid, but-” she paused, biting her lip. “Oh forget it, it’s stupid.” she huffed. 

Evan chuckled softly. “How many times have you listened to my stupid problems?” then his voice softened. “I won’t judge you, Alana.” 

“The guy I like is here with someone else.” Alana admitted, her hands fidgeting. 

“I’m really sorry, Alana. That’s a really...sad feeling.” 

Alana shrugged dejectedly. “I’ll get over it. It was just a silly crush anyway.” 

“Still. Why don’t we go have fun? We can...we can dance like idiots and forget the part of us that tells us we’re not good enough.” 

“You hate dancing…” the girl’s eyes widened. 

“But you don’t. And if it’ll help you feel better, I think I can set aside some of my silly fears. That’s what friends do.” 

Alana gave him a tear-filled smile. “Thank you, Evan. You’re a…a really good friend.” 

Evan offered the sad girl a little smile and his hand. “Shall we?” 

* * * * * 

“Kleinman, it’s really not important!” Connor groaned, repeating himself for almost the tenth time. 

“You know I’m just gonna keep on asking, Murphy. So you may as well just tell me.” Jared was amused.

“Ugh, fine! Maybe I wish it was a romantic kind of date, okay?! Maybe I’ve just been super confused since we’ve become friends because I know that you probably barely tolerate me seeing as though we detested each other just months ago! And maybe I know it wouldn’t work because we both are insecure about being gay and we’re completely different! So, yeah, when I don’t know how you really feel I don’t like it when you use the word ‘date’ to describe me! Like what kind of date?! A friendly date, a romantic date, just someone you go to an event with, a date that-” 

“Shut up and kiss me already, Murphy.” Jared interrupted. 

“Only if you start calling me Connor.” 

Jared pretended to think. “I think I can do that.” he grinned. “If you do the same.” 

“Deal.” Connor returned the smile, his stomach swooping and his heart skipping a beat as he leaned down to capture Jared’s lips with his own. Immediately Jared responded enthusiastically, kissing Connor back with everything he had. Both boys felt sparks emit from the top of their head to the tips of their toes, and the kiss deepened as they held each other closer. Jared pulled Connor so that he was almost sitting in his lap. Both were overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the kiss and the promise it held. 

When they finally pulled apart both boys were breathing heavily. 

“Does that answer your question?” Jared raised an eyebrow. 

“Maybe some of them.” Connor laughed softly. 

“So...what happens tomorrow?” Jared asked cautiously after a minute, clearly a little nervous. He laid his head on Connor’s shoulder, sighing. 

“I don’t know. But let’s not worry about that just yet.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

“We should actually go back to the dance and make sure Evan is doing okay in a crowd of Zoe’s friends.” Connor pointed out. 

Reluctantly, both boys stood, and, holding hands, walked back towards the gym. Neither boy commented and they pretended not to notice when they dropped hands without discussion before entering the gym. 

They had expected at worst Evan was having an anxiety attack, and at best he was awkwardly talking to Zoe’s group of friends. Neither boy was expecting the sight they found: Evan Hansen, beaming, as he danced amidst the big crowd, twirling Alana around as Zoe danced beside him with her friends.

Jared’s jaw dropped, and Connor began to giggle. 

“Well, I did not expect that.” he admitted. 

“Hansen has some pretty dorky moves!” Jared snorted. 

But despite the loud music, Evan and Zoe noticed them, and both waved them over. Jared looked at his date.

“I know dances aren’t your thing… But…”

“Screw it. Let’s do this!” Connor shrugged, walking towards the dance floor. 

The rest of the night was full of dancing and laughter. As they all agreed to go back to the Murphy’s house for pizza afterwards, they discussed how the goal of the dance had been achieved; for one night the students had danced and socialized all together in one space, wearing the buttons they had made, and the money they had made was being donated to a great charity! All were pretty proud of themselves as they dug into the greasy food and brainstormed for the next event they could organize that would make a difference, because they knew it was possible if they worked together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys. I'm seriously SO sorry it's been so long. My health really went down the tubes and my motivation and ideas were in short supply. I promise I won't make you guys wait that long again! I hope the extra long chapter somewhat makes up for the long wait. 
> 
> Anything you guys would like to see? What do you think will happen? Leave a comment and let me know! 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me and reading this fic. As always, stay safe and happy, friends! :)


	24. Share It With The People You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared turns to Evan for help, and Evan gets to know Zoe's friends better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Peeks around the corner nervously* 
> 
> Um, hi, guys! I'm honestly so SO sorry it's been so long. Things have been rough with my health and I totally lost all motivation, but I am back! I am determined to update more regularly (I'm HOPING for once a week, but I won't make any promises). 
> 
> I want to thank anyone and everyone who has stuck with me this long with this story! I wouldn't be able to keep on going without you guys! Your encouragement means everything. I hope you enjoy this new installment! As always, please let me know what you think and leave any criticisms, predictions, or wishes for the future- I LOVE to hear from you guys! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and, as always, stay safe and happy friends!

After the excitement of the dance, the rest of the weekend was busy and uneventful. With all the planning and last minute preparations that had been done for the dance, homework had been put off, and all the members of the Foundation found themselves shut up in their rooms catching up on it. 

As expected, Heidi had been over the moon when Evan had told her that Zoe introduced him to her group of friends. She had gushed about how proud she was of him for almost ten minutes, and was in a great mood the rest of the weekend, taking Evan out to breakfast and making his favorite foods when he wasn’t doing homework. 

Monday morning Evan heard the tell-tale beep of Jared’s car horn, signaling his ride was there. He grabbed his backpack, still slightly worried about the conversation he was about to have. Jared had messaged him last night saying he needed to talk to Evan and asking if he could drive Evan to school. The words 'I have to talk to you' never failed to fill Evan with worry and led to a lot of overthinking.

“Hey, Jared.” Evan mumbled when he was finally seated, his eyes trained on the messy floor of his friend’s car. 

“Hey, Ev.” Jared sounded off as well, and a bit of Evan’s anxiety was replaced with concern. 

“H-how are you?” 

“I’m alright.” 

But Jared’s usual confident smile was strained, and he lacked his normal carefree facade. But as he backed the car out of the driveway, he squared his shoulders and forced his voice to sound nonchalant as he asked “How was the rest of your weekend?” 

“Oh, it was good, I mostly caught up on homework, and actually got to spend some time with my mom…” Evan shrugged. 

At the mention of Heidi, Jared’s eyes lit up a little. “How is your mom?” 

“She’s- she’s good, I guess. Still super busy with work, but I don’t think that she’s worrying about me as much, so she’s...happier, I guess?” 

“That’s good.” Jared’s smile softened and became more genuine, his fondness for Evan’s mother showing. 

“How was the rest of your weekend?” 

“It was good, uneventful. Did the same as you; caught up on homework... played some video games, too...” he trailed off. 

“That’s good.” 

They pulled into the parking lot and Jared put the car in park. 

Evan turned to Jared with a mischievous smile. 

“Hey, I was thinking that maybe for the next fundraiser for the Foundation we should do a bowling night or something? You’d like that, righ-?” 

“Do you hate me?” Jared suddenly blurted out. 

“W-what?!” Evan spluttered, his eyes widening comically, shocked at the bluntness and timing of the question and the obvious fact that Jared had had no reaction to the mention of his favorite hobby. Something was very wrong. “Wh-why would you think that?!” 

“Evan, I was horrible to you!” Jared finally exploded. “Ever since you told me about what you did-” he ignored Evan’s flinch, his words pouring out of him. He spoke quickly, as if he would never get the chance to say them again. “I just...I can’t think of anything else. I was supposed to be your friend. And I completely failed you!”

Evan was violently shaking his head now, too lost for words to interrupt his friend.

“It really made me realize how much of a fuck up I am. I’m a sarcastic mean asshole. Look at what I said to Connor on the first day of school!” Jared ranted, showing no signs of stopping. “And now I have no idea how to make things better. How to BE better. I wanna think that I can change, but honestly I’m not sure if I can. And now...Evan, I really care about Connor, and maybe things kinda happened between us at the dance, but maybe they won’t end up like I hope they would. Because I’m ME. And I destroy things. And Connor doesn’t deserve that. YOU don’t deserve that.” 

Tears suddenly streamed down Jared’s face and Evan sat, paralyzed with shock and awe.

Never, in all the years of knowing him, had Evan seen such a vulnerability from Jared. Sure, Evan had figured out years ago that Jared’s overconfidence and cockiness was a front to protect himself, a facade. But Evan had only ever seen small glimmers of the real Jared, just enough to know he existed. For a moment Evan was breathless at the thought that maybe he was seeing the real Jared, not the one behind the mask, completely real and raw and vulnerable. 

When he finally found his voice, he was surprised to find it wasn’t choked with emotion or sympathy. Instead, it was full of strength and confidence- the strength and confidence that his friend lacked at the moment. Evan Hansen found his strength when his loved ones lacked it. 

“Jared. Look at me.” 

Surprised at the gentle but firm tone in the usually meek voice, Jared’s watery eyes met Evan’s. 

“You are not anything that you just said. You just cope with fear and anxiety different than others. Sure you may be sarcastic and make jokes, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.” 

“But you-” 

“I know that I let myself believe that I had no friends, no one that cared enough about me to miss me...but you can’t blame yourself for what I did. Honestly, I was in such a bad mental state that you could’ve been the best friend in the world and I still would’ve felt so incredibly alone. But Jared, you’ve changed. You’re more honest with me, you’re so patient with me, you agreed to help me with the Foundation...you even reconciled with Connor! I like to think that since the beginning of the school year we’ve all become better people. And you deserve to forgive yourself. I’ve forgiven myself, and you should too. You ARE better, and you’re important to so many people. You don’t destroy things. You’re my best friend, and let me tell you, you haven’t destroyed me at all. You’ve made me stronger. And now we’re all going to do that for you.” 

“You really think so?” the tremor in Jared’s voice pulled at Evan’s heart. 

“I do.” 

“Thanks, Ev.” Jared managed a little smile. 

Without thinking twice, Evan leaned forward and embraced his distraught best friend. 

“I really am sorry, Ev. I’m sorry I didn’t notice how lost you were and I’m sorry I played any part of that and that I didn’t help.” 

“You’re here now. And that’s what’s important.” 

“I promise I won’t fail you again.” 

“You didn’t fail me.” Evan laughed softly. “But I accept your apology if it’ll make you feel better.” 

Jared smiled a bit more genuinely as he wiped at his damp cheeks. “Ugh guess if we want to be on time for school we have to leave the car, huh?” 

“Yeah.” Evan chuckled. 

“You go, I’ll follow in a minute.” Jared told Evan firmly. 

“Okay.” Evan agreed. “I’ll see you at lunch?” 

“Of course that’s one of the few times I get to bother you during the day!” the brightness was back, and Evan felt relief flood him. 

He hopped out of the car but then turned back around. “Oh, and Jared?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I think you and Connor should give it a try. In a crazy way, I think you guys would be good for each other.” 

Jared grinned in return and his eyes twinkled as Evan walked into the school. 

* * * * * 

Later that day, Zoe caught up to her boyfriend. 

“Hey, Evan!” Zoe greeted brightly, slipping her hand in his. 

“Hi.” Evan instantly felt a lightness within himself when he saw his girlfriend. 

“I know you’re headed to free study- do you wanna join me at lunch? My friends loved meeting you at the dance and want to get to know you better.” she asked cautiously. 

She was surprised when instantly Evan kissed her on the cheek and said “I’d love to. I’ll go sign in at study and meet you there.” She looked after her boyfriend in admiration, noticing that he was holding himself a little taller and prouder lately. 

She saved a spot next to her at the table and he appeared a few minutes later, sitting next to her quietly. 

“Oh hey, Evan!” Zoe’s friends greeted him warmly. 

“Hi.” Evan gave them a shy smile in return. 

To Evan’s relief he remembered all of Zoe’s friends. Michelle was the quiet but friendly brunette. Becca was the tall pretty blonde who was dating the muscular cool guy Carter. Grace was the tiny redhead who wore glasses, and Nathaniel was Carter’s tall lanky best friend. 

The conversation was very casual and easy. They talked about the classes they hated or liked, the teachers they hated or liked, what after school activities they did, and what kinds of music/television/movies they liked. 

“Ugh so this assignment Ms. Tanner gave out is like impossible.” Grace said. 

“Oh my god I’m so glad I’m not the only one! Why is it so hard?!” Becca agreed. 

“That’s cause you guys are stupid.” Zoe’s friend Carter teased, his arm around Becca possessively. He laughed when she jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. 

"Look who's talking!" Nathaniel smirked at Carter, who punched him in response.

"I have heard that Ms. Tanner's assignments are tough." Evan conceded. 

"See?! Thank you!" Becca smirked at her boyfriend. 

"Evan's just sucking up to you guys cause he wants to get in your good books, right, Ev?" Carter's expression was friendly.

"Maybe" Evan admitted good-naturedly, shrugging shyly, causing everyone to laugh. 

"Your boyfriend is cool, Zoe." Grace giggled. 

"Yeah, you chose well." Michelle agreed. 

"I like to think so." Zoe kissed Evan on the cheek, making Evan's face turn even more red. 

“So, Evan, why did you start the Foundation? You always seemed like the quiet type...I mean, you never really talked in class, so I think it was just surprising-” Michelle asked Evan curiously. 

“Oh, Evan just got close to the Murphy family and wanted to help when everything happened with Connor.” Zoe, knowing how Evan felt about answering questions that personal to strangers, brushed the question aside. 

“That’s so cool.” Michelle smiled at Evan. 

Evan shrugged, uncomfortable. “I mean, it’s gotten me some negative attention, but I just really w-”

“How could it get you negative attention?! That speech was absolutely beautiful! I mean it spoke to everyone! The things you talked about...they’re so important, especially for people our age. The Foundation has done so much good, you should be proud!” 

Evan blushed at the praise. 

Luckily, the conversation topic changed and soon Evan had to leave to be back in the study room before the class period ended. 

“Bye, Evan!” everyone said. 

“Hope you can join us like this more often!” Michelle added brightly, her eyes twinkling as she shot him a friendly wink. 

Evan gave Zoe a kiss on the cheek before he left, his mind racing. He was relieved he got along with Zoe’s friends, and proud of himself for becoming comfortable talking to other people, but there was another feeling he couldn’t quite place. A not good feeling. Frowning, he realized it was probably just his anxiety trying to kick in and ruin things. But this time, he convinced himself, this time he wouldn’t let it. 

This time Evan Hansen would tell his anxiety to screw off and leave him alone. 

And with that happy thought, Evan headed towards his next class.


End file.
